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to not want my husband to be "friends" with a woman at work who

(190 Posts)
mum382013 Sat 26-Jan-13 15:30:39

he propostioned for a relantionship/ sex previously (last year)?
he says he just wants to be friends and that i'm being unreasonable. i took him back on the understanding that he had nothing but professional contact. I think he has lost all rights to be friends with her, even if she did turn him down. he did admit if she had said yes then he would have left me for her so i'm very sensitive to her. AIBU?
i feel he has hurt me badly and i'm having trouble believing this is just about friends and i'm worried he has feelings for her as he seems more interested in being friends than being married to me.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Sat 26-Jan-13 15:32:31

He wouldn't still be my husband if he had done that.

MrsBW Sat 26-Jan-13 15:32:33

If your husband says 'I would have left for her if she said yes', and you took him back anyway, you have bigger problems than his being friends with this woman.

MrsBW Sat 26-Jan-13 15:32:56

Left * you* for her...

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Sat 26-Jan-13 15:33:23

Seriously, why are you with him?

achillea Sat 26-Jan-13 15:34:10

How long have you been together and do you have kids?
(clutching at straws to find a reason to work round this)

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 26-Jan-13 15:34:22

You gave up all your power when you took back someone you were a second choice for. He had no respect for you then and none now.

I had a friend this happened to. His DP wanted to stay friends with the person she cheated with. Because she could.


Pagwatch Sat 26-Jan-13 15:34:42

Oh gosh
Why did you accept him back when he has told you that you are at best his second choice?

mum382013 Sat 26-Jan-13 15:35:34

yes we have kids and we have been together many years

HecateWhoopass Sat 26-Jan-13 15:35:35

Holy crap. You're his plan b.
That can't feel nice.

frustratedworkingmum Sat 26-Jan-13 15:36:32

He has eroded your self esteem to make you think you should be grateful that he skulked back to you after the other woman turned him down.

2 questions

1. Why are you still with him
2. Why is she still his friend?

He is a cuntweasel

HecateWhoopass Sat 26-Jan-13 15:36:45

I mean, he straight out told you he's only with you cos she didn't want him.

mum382013 Sat 26-Jan-13 15:36:45

i very nearly didnt take him back but he said he realised he loved us more than her and realised his mistake.

mum382013 Sat 26-Jan-13 15:37:17

i feel second best sad

ENormaSnob Sat 26-Jan-13 15:37:24

It's not her you need to worry about.

He is telling you all you need to know.

He quite obviously doesn't give a shit about you or your feelings and if this woman gives the nod he'll be all over her like a rash.

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn Sat 26-Jan-13 15:37:46

No you're not being unreasonable, that's awful behaviour on his part. So what would happen if he propositoned Jeff again and she said yes? Sorry, he sounds an arse.

mum382013 Sat 26-Jan-13 15:37:47

she is younger by a decade and pretty

HecateWhoopass Sat 26-Jan-13 15:38:23

He realised his mistake after she told him no and he wouldhave left you if shed said yes, but suddenly he reaises he did want you after all?
That's a good way to put it to make you feel less of a backup

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel Sat 26-Jan-13 15:38:41

I don't think the issue is her in particular tbh. Your 'd' h propositioned another woman and said he would have left you for her. Even if he never talks to her again you will worry every time he talks to any other woman. At least with her you know she will knock him back, what about the next 'friend' he has? He is the problem, not her.

ENormaSnob Sat 26-Jan-13 15:39:10

You feel second best because you are second best. And even that is optimistic.

mum382013 Sat 26-Jan-13 15:39:21

he actually said that i had ruined his friendship with her.
not sure how as i havent doen anything but ask him not to contact her (there was lots of texting and facebooking)

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn Sat 26-Jan-13 15:39:26

Jeff???? Her, not Jeff. Stupid kindle.

GoldPlatedNineDoors Sat 26-Jan-13 15:40:05

If you have forgiven his twattish behaviour, then act as though you have forgiven him.

Fwiw he would have been out on his arse if he were mine, kids or no kids, long marriage or short.

I couldnt forgive it so couldnt treat his as though I had.

mum382013 Sat 26-Jan-13 15:41:12

so i'm not being unreasonable then to say no contact/friends?

Pagwatch Sat 26-Jan-13 15:41:27

He really isn't very nice.
YANBU. His 'friendship' with her is just insult on top of insult.

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