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To feel so upset regarding contact.

(1000 Posts)
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong Sat 26-Jan-13 13:50:06

Some of you may know my backstory from the nature of my post. I namechanged a while ago and have been trying to put the past behind me and move forward with 5mo DD.
Me and my ex have a rather volatile relationship. He didn't want me to keep DD. since she has been born he hasn't provided physically or emotionally. He pays half the maintainence he should.
I tried to keep him seeing DD, him coming here, me there (2.5 hour drive). Supervised by me.
I don't want or agree with any child been taken away from their father but he is so inconsistent and to put it bluntly useless it had crossed my mind that it may be better if he goes away.
He has had a new girlfriend who seems to have taken priority since when I was 5 months pregnant.
It's now 22 days since any contact with him. He's ignored my attempts to send pictures and updates and is like to know if I am BU by thinking this is not acceptable and letting it upset me.
I'm a bit of a wreck today. I know this is AIBU but please try to be gentle.

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong Fri 22-Feb-13 15:57:53

No Greg I think you sound fab actually smile

SpanishLady Fri 22-Feb-13 16:10:06

AND you know exactly what you would want and not want from a partner and father to your child(dren) - so in a very strong position.

A little romance and some kindness doesnt hurt - I am not for a minute suggesting you need another relationship now just a reminder there are lots of nice guys out there and one day when you are ready you may allow a lucky man to be in your life - I also picked up on the feeling that mixed up in all this is an element of how you feel about your dd's father and how he has treated you.

I doubt there will be any solicitors letter and if there is well then progress. I'd kill his solicitor with kindness and cheerfulness!

GregBishopsBottomBitch Fri 22-Feb-13 16:13:29

I've been single 4 years, i've flirted and sexy talked with some guys, but i just really cant be arsed with men right now, i will eventually.

And i can bet that he hasnt even got near a solictors, its just a scare tactic, worry about things when they actually happen, even then, you've got nothing to worry about, he on the otherhand...hes outed himself as a twunt.

ratspeaker Fri 22-Feb-13 18:22:44

Make you're doing great, you sound like you're climbing out of the black pit of PND.
And no wonder you had PND. Your partner was unsupportive, chucked you out, his family were vile, you had to move, then while trying to bf you were expected to drive around with the wee one at their beck and call no matter how tired or stressed you were. A stressed mum makes for a stressed baby.

Now keep in mind if he does go to a solicitor and you get a letter from said solicitor you dont have to treat that was the word of law. The lawyer will write what they're paid to.
Just keep that in mind.

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong Fri 22-Feb-13 18:29:39

Thank you all.
He didn't reply so he obviously doesn't want to see her.
Looking back I can't believe I sat and bf my 4 day old in the car park at south mimms service station!

GregBishopsBottomBitch Fri 22-Feb-13 18:32:44

Make Thats all past now, your a new strong make, making sure your DD gets what she deserves, just keep being you and not what others want, coz they dont deserve it.

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong Fri 22-Feb-13 19:36:22

Yes your right that's not me anymore.
The more he pulls stunts like this (not replying re contact) the angrier I get.
Why do it?
Oh yes because he never wanted her.

SoftKittyWarmKitty Fri 22-Feb-13 19:57:45

Make the fact that he hasn't replied to your message speaks volumes. You told him DD isn't well at the moment and he hasn't even asked you what's wrong with her and if she's ok. He clearly doesn't care about her at all. He only cares about a) himself and b) scoring cheap points over you.

He's pathetic. What a joke he is.

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong Fri 22-Feb-13 19:59:25

Yes that makes me so angry kitty

GregBishopsBottomBitch Fri 22-Feb-13 20:20:40

I always think that men who treat their children like that, are gonna be the sad lonely ones at xmas, wondering what they did wrong, obviously not all people alone at xmas are like that, but some probably are.

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong Fri 22-Feb-13 20:25:34

As much as I hope he would be he never will be he will find someone else to manipulate, spin lies to and console him with 'now now twunt, make is a bitch'

GregBishopsBottomBitch Fri 22-Feb-13 20:29:10

Oh, i been there with my ex twunt, the lies he told his gf after me, including this charming line:

"We can be a family, you'll be DD's mum", luckily, his now ex-gf was lovely and told him DD already had a mother.

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong Fri 22-Feb-13 20:36:01

What a complete TOOL!!

GregBishopsBottomBitch Fri 22-Feb-13 20:37:29

Yup, luckily i see through his bullshit otherwise i woulda castrated the twunt with a butter knife with his mum watching.

flow4 Fri 22-Feb-13 21:44:11

Hello Make smile Just catching up on developments since Tuesday... I see Twunt hasn't suddenly seen the light and become a reformed character and devoted dad! hmm grin

It's really good to see you dealt with his email at lunchtime, despite having a bit of a wobble. smile Like other people have said, it's great to see you growing stronger: a week or so ago you didn't know how to reply to him at all, and now you do!

Just be a bit careful about explaining yourself too much... Firstly, you don't need to explain why you won't just drop everything and drive DD to see him this weekend - it's a ridiculous demand/request. But also, every reason you provide gives him an opportunity to poke and insult and argue and try to 'drag you in' and manipulate you...

So for instance, you say "DD is not well" and he is likely to reply some total sh*t thing along the lines of "Bring her when she's better then. Anyway I bet she's not really that ill, you're just making excuses. If she's well enough to see us at all, she's well enough to come here. And you know what - if she's ill you're obviously not looking after her very well. My mum and I can look after her just as well as you..."

And when you say "It's just not financially viable for me", he can reply with nonsense like "I bet you have more than me you money-grabbing b*tch. I pay you maintainance so you can afford it fine. And you're scrounging off the State too. Anyway, what kind of mother puts money about their child seeing her dad?"

You get the point. It'll all be total b*ll*cks, but it will draw you in and get under your skin, and upset you. IME it really is better to stick to something much more 'basic' (even if it sounds ridiculously blunt) like "Sorry, that's not convenient. But you're welcome to come here to see her, as I said last week".

It all gets very tiresome and it's so ridiculous... You're doing really well dealing with it, and you're getting better every day. smile

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong Sat 23-Feb-13 11:16:44

Thank you flow, I'm feeling better today. We are baking cakes smile
Your right smile
Hope you had a nice time away

flow4 Sat 23-Feb-13 11:27:01

Yay, cakes are GOOD ! grin

Your DD is lucky to have a mum like you smile The goodness you add to her life will more than outweigh any rubbish from her dad. smile

And yes, we did have a nice time, thank you smile

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong Sat 23-Feb-13 12:04:09

Thanks flow. Cakes are not good for me but its fun. Dd has her bumbo,'plastic bowl and spoon. Starting her early! smile

BlackMini Sat 23-Feb-13 16:49:18

Just read this thread and just wanted to say that you're amazing! I know you have your wobbles in an evening when you're alone but so do we all. You are being so strong when it matters.

He is an absolute douche, a disgrace to the male race and, when this is all sorted, you should give us his initials and area where he lives so we can all avoid him.

Stay strong!

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong Sat 23-Feb-13 17:28:32

Thank you mini, Suffolk you need to avoid smile

GregBishopsBottomBitch Sat 23-Feb-13 18:17:10

I live near suffolk, i'll avoid the whole place like the plague now.

BlackMini Sat 23-Feb-13 21:05:47

All men from Suffolk are now blacklisted from my life smile. We're all here for you, don't ever feel alone.

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong Sat 23-Feb-13 21:15:43

Awe that's lovely. I am feeling it tonight, actually had a burst of tears. I can't remember when I last had a hug.
It's so shit. I'm tired I think- ill just go to sleep confused

BlackMini Sun 24-Feb-13 10:27:50

Has a good sleep made you feel better? Sometimes, when over-tired, it's best to just crawl into bed. I did last night!!

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong Sun 24-Feb-13 10:51:14

I feel a bit better, it's just crushing me that he's not working this weekend but doesn't want to see her.
But I haven't heard from his mum since they saw her.
I think I'm punishing myself again so I'm keeping busy. I think another thread I tried to help on set me off.
About not wanting him back but not wanting him to be happy and that it's unfair I'm sat here holding the baby going to bed at 8pm on a sat night.
But that's my problem, I chose to have DD.
Might take her to the garden centre in a bit to see the fish. She likes that.
I am alot clearer and stronger now I'm just angry

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