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"Im your mother, there is nothing that could make me stop loving you" ....

(86 Posts)
HollyBerryBush Fri 25-Jan-13 20:47:31

...a line on one of those god awful Cartoon Network cartoons.

It made me think, is there anything that could stop you loving your child?

Mass murderer? serial killer? Would you still love them? visit them in prison? Drug addict? thief? consumate liar? killing a sibling?

Is there anything that would be the final line and no going back in your relationship with your child?

AIBU to ask what your deal breaker would be?

HecateWhoopass Sat 26-Jan-13 09:03:43

No. I dont think there is anything that could make me stop loving my child.

It is possible to hate what they've done, hate what they've become - but still have that powerful love for the baby you gave birth to, the child you raised...

That conflict of feelings must be extremely painful.

Theicingontop Sat 26-Jan-13 09:06:22

Killing another sibling. That would test it, for sure.

TroublesomeEx Sat 26-Jan-13 10:13:05

Well my mum doesn't love me. She once told my brother she must do because she wouldn't want anything "really bad" to happen to me, but it wasn't 'love' in the way she would expect to feel about a child (or felt about my brother).

I don't think I could imagine myself stop loving my children, but I can imagine that I could lose respect for them.

TroublesomeEx Sat 26-Jan-13 10:13:49

oh and she certainly doesn't love me anymore. Her behaviour is testament to that.

TheNebulousBoojum Sat 26-Jan-13 10:15:04

Oh, I could lose respect, be disappointed, be infuriated and want to shake some sense into them.
How would that affect my love for them? Not a jot.

MrsMaryCooper Sat 26-Jan-13 10:25:03

No, I think that I would love him whatever he did. In the face of all logic and reason.

Jammother Sat 26-Jan-13 10:27:13

I am prepared to be flamed - yes, the love for

Jammother Sat 26-Jan-13 10:35:34


Your child should be unconditional but for me there would be some things that would be so unforgivable - sexually abusing a child, murder (different to manslaughter) that it would kill or certainly mute my feelings for my child. My love for my child is unconditional but if they did some of these things then the person whom I thought I loved is not the actual person they are - I am giving unconditional love to someone who only exists in my mind rather than reality. I would disown my child if they were a child abuser - it's a dealbreaker. I was abused myself so if they went down this route, it would be a personal betrayal. If they committed murder then I would have to consider the circumstances.

PoppyWearer Sat 26-Jan-13 10:47:03

Has anyone else seen the episode of "Wallander" (the original Scandi one with subtitles) where the adopted son kills the natural son of his parents (as children) and until he confesses the suspicion falls on a local man known to be a paedophile or child killer (I forget which) who lives with his mother and she is the only one who loves him - and then a brick is thrown through the window and kills his mother.

The other mother, of the children, decides to continue to care for the adopted son (after finding out he killed her natural son) and says "who else will love him now?". He is like the younger version of the man, IYSWIM.

It's very well written/acted and an excellent exploration of this theme.

FWIW, I think that I would love my children, even if I didn't like them/hated them for something they had done. I think that maternal/paternal love is something deeper/primeval/chemical/physical that is beyond our conscious control, to do with the propagation of our species.

ImperialBlether Sat 26-Jan-13 10:54:04

Poppy, I have to say that's why I couldn't adopt if I had my own birth children too. In that situation I just couldn't forgive the adopted child and wouldn't want to ever see them again.

piprabbit Sat 26-Jan-13 10:56:44

I can't ever imagine my love for my children being replaced with any other emotions. Indifference? Hatred? I may loathe the things they do, I may no longer like them as a person, I may have to choose not to see them or support them, but there will always be a background of love for the child I raised and the person I hoped they would become. There would be an awful lot of blame for myself too - as I think I would assume that I had let them down in some way for them to become a person I did not feel able to love openly and whole-heartedly.

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