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in thinking that mumsnetters don't like men very much?

(232 Posts)
examiner99 Fri 25-Jan-13 13:57:55

I'm new to mumsnet and thought it would be a great place for positive mutual support, but I'm aghast at how many 'I've lost my man so let's encourage some other poor woman to ditch hers' posters there are here. People are not perfect, men or women, so why is everything the man's fault? (I am a mum by the way, in case you were wondering...)

TrucksAndDinosaurs Fri 25-Jan-13 14:27:24

Would anyone like to eat a bun or are you saving yours to throw later?

WorraLiberty Fri 25-Jan-13 14:29:42

Would anyone like to eat a bun or are you saving yours to throw later?

Times are hard. I had to nip over the park and wrestle some bread off the ducks.

TrampyPants Fri 25-Jan-13 14:30:38

And how long have you been here to get that impression? Because I've not seen it in 7 years

And yes, you do need to spell it out (although people have been different ideas about what constitutes abuse) because, tbh, you sound like you feel that there are excuses for bad behavior.

Trills Fri 25-Jan-13 14:31:43


TrampyPants Fri 25-Jan-13 14:31:48

Ps, also happily married and I believe that everyone deserves the same.

Kalisi Fri 25-Jan-13 14:33:29

I for one would be pretty pissed off with someone who responded to a genuine problem with just ' oh you poor love' tbh hmm

FellatioNels0n Fri 25-Jan-13 14:36:25

I predict this thread will rattle on for about 12 pages then get deleted.

BelaLugosisShed Fri 25-Jan-13 14:36:36

I'd still quite like to see these mythical man haters named and shamed.

Narked Fri 25-Jan-13 14:37:57


LtEveDallas Fri 25-Jan-13 14:38:19

I love men.

Couldn't eat a whole one though...

BarredfromhavingStella Fri 25-Jan-13 14:39:49

What a silly twatty OP, I adore men-especially the 2 I have, cunts however (of either sex) I loathe.

Can't think of any threads I've seen which are even similar to what you describe so YABU.

examiner99 Fri 25-Jan-13 14:41:37

No excuses, in the sense of justifications, for bad behaviour at all (including calling people names). I do tend to look for information and reasons though, to try to understand a situation before recommending what to do. Reasons do not equal excuses.

expatinscotland Fri 25-Jan-13 14:42:17


TrampyPants Fri 25-Jan-13 14:44:51

Any examples op?

KirstyoffEastenders Fri 25-Jan-13 14:44:56

Just read the thread you were referring to OP and I think, in that case, the advice to leave him is entirely justified. The OP from that thread probably came on here to confirm what she already knows.

ComposHat Fri 25-Jan-13 14:44:58

I've lost my man so let's encourage some other poor woman to ditch hers

Thank you for speaking up op for us lost men. It happened to me, Iwas lost on a Tube train.

She got off at Rayners Lane. I had to spend six months living in the lost property box in a London Transport Office. Then they put me in an auction where I failed to make my reserve price.

It wasn't fun I can tell you

pictish Fri 25-Jan-13 14:45:31

Hmmm...I like people, including men, very much...but I have no time for abusive, selfish, diminishing, misogynist arseholes. Is that ok?

The fact is...lots of women in our society accept utterly shite behaviour from men, because they have been led to think that being treated like something the cat sicked up, is part of the ups and downs you get in a relationship.
It isn't.

One of the great things about mumsnet it the refusal of some posters to be passive in the face of what we have come to recognise as domestic abuse.

Thank fuck for that.

pictish Fri 25-Jan-13 14:46:32

Oh and OP - I am happily married. To a man!!!

Fenton Fri 25-Jan-13 14:48:13

Are you happily married/partnered yourself, OP? - I don't mean to pry or be rude, you don't have to answer it, - it's just that your own situation, what you 'put up with' endure or alternatively perhaps your partnership is perfect - these things could greatly influence how you read and interpret someone else's situation.

All anyone does here, I think, is give the benefit of their own (sometimes very painful) experience.

Fenton Fri 25-Jan-13 14:50:06

Poor ComposHat sad she never bothered to reclaim you? sad

Absy Fri 25-Jan-13 14:53:02

I think you might need to spend more time on MN before making such sweeping judgments.

I've never seen (apart from in jokes) people willy nilly advising women to leave their partners/husbands - posters would normally only advise if there is abuse, or (from what the poster has said) that their partner poses a threat to the poster or their children.

Spero Fri 25-Jan-13 14:54:09

An interesting concept. Those of us who chose to end a toxic and miserable relationship are categorised as those who 'lost their man' and henceforth hate all men?

I like nice, witty, thoughtful people who don't treat me like I am shit on their shoe. The former I welcome into my life, the latter will find themselves 'lost' whether they be male or female.

What is going on in your life I wonder that you are so keen to look at abusive relationships in this way??

ComposHat Fri 25-Jan-13 14:54:36

No the depot was at Baker Street.

Bogeyface Fri 25-Jan-13 14:54:59

What you have to understand is that it is extremely rare (but not unheard of, I will admit) to have anyone post on AIBU or Relationships when things are going well.

They will more likely post when things are going badly and they need advice, and over the course of a thread things can come out that are far more meaningful that the OP suggests. I remember one thread that started out being about something innocuous like an OP's husband not helping with the baby and it turned out that she was actually being horrible abused in many ways.

There are some posters who will always says leave the bastard if he isnt perfect in every single way, but they are very few. Most of us will ask questions and give advice based on what the OP wants. If she wants to keep trying or if she is starting to think that the marriage is over is usually fairly obvious from her post and the advice is tailored towards that. A lot of the posts on relationships in particular are posted when the last straw has just broken the camels back and she has had enough.

Pagwatch Fri 25-Jan-13 14:56:26

I tend to read threads and feel sad that there appear to be lots of women who live with useless, lazy or manipulative men and accept it or think its normal.

The 'my DP/dh ignores my birthday, shouts at me, and tells me I am not allowed to do x y or z. Typical man' posts make me want to lie down in a dark room.

I love men. My dh is fab. My ds1 is too.
Saying we should put up with crappy men is selling most men horribly short.

And can I just applaud Hec for 'bastardidity'

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