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To not want ds(6) to sleepover?

(48 Posts)
waltermittymissus Thu 24-Jan-13 15:04:47

DS was 6 on Monday. He's in senior infants (I think that's one above reception in UK?)

Anyway, he's good friends in school with John. Go to each other's parties etc. We had John over to play at our house. This wasn't reciprocated as mum has 4 children under 6 and seems to find it difficult.

This wasn't done as any slight to DS or me she just didn't do play days last year.

This year she says she'd like to have DS over. Great. However she wants him to sleep over.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with her (I have no reason to not trust her, no creepy feeling or anything. She's lovely.)

I was saying no to the sleepover but she said it to DS and John while we were discussing it and then started saying how lonely her children get as they've no friends in their estate etc. she said "I really want to do this for my boy".

I suggested just playing for the day but she wants him to stay over! She was quite forceful about it. I ended up agreeing but I really, really don't want him to.

I don't know them well enough. I think he's too young. He sometimes still has wet nights. He's never ever been to their house before (parties have been in soft plays etc)

People in RL are unanimous in saying they wouldn't allow it. So, AIBU to not want him to and if not, how the fuck do I get out of it now?

jellybeans Thu 24-Jan-13 16:10:27

No way would I have let DSs go but DDs were about 7 with people I trusted only. With parents I didn't know it was secondary.

It's easy, you just make an excuse. Say you are very sorry but after thinking it over DS will NOT be doing sleepovers just yet. However you are very grateful for the offer and he would love to play sometime. If she still doesn't respect you then just avoid her from now on. The kids can still play at school together.

I have done this many times when I felt uncomfortable. I had parents inviting my DC abroad with them in primary school and I didn't know/like them so said no.

moomoomar Thu 24-Jan-13 16:12:07

We had this recently, we let dd go and she had a fab time! I was soooooo stressed and worried but she's been on 3 since and has had a great time. If he wants to go I wold let him.

valiumredhead Thu 24-Jan-13 16:12:35

That's twice today I have read 'what's the worst that can happen?' wrt sleepovers and people you don't know. Really?

InNeedOfBrandy Thu 24-Jan-13 16:15:52

Even though I would let my dc go (they are used to staying out and with fruiends anyway so different situation) if my instincts told me not to do something like this I would take that into serious account!

follow your instincts, we have them for a reason. He has years ahead for sleepovers.

waltermittymissus Thu 24-Jan-13 16:30:19

I do think he'd enjoy it but the fact that he's never even been there!

As valium said, before she couldn't cope with another one because she had four and now she wants one for the whole night! In saying that, when I have children here I never see them! Always off playing somewhere!

My head is a mess because she just seemed so OTT about it I was a bit uncomfortable to be honest. I think I will text and say:

"Just had a chat with DS and I don't know if a sleepover right now will go well, he's prone to nightmares and he might be a bit too young right now. But he would love to come and play till bedtime and I can pick him up. And of course, John is always welcome to play here too. Thanks for the lovely invitation smile"

How does that sound?!

valiumredhead Thu 24-Jan-13 16:32:21

It sounds good but say ' I am not comfortable about a sleepover yet as he is prone to nightmares'

You need to make it very clear a sleepover isn't an option yet.

Cherriesarelovely Thu 24-Jan-13 16:33:29

Dd didn't fancy sleepovers till she was about 8. All kids are different of course but the ott manner of the mum in this case would be offputting to me too. Why can't your son just go round to play?

seeker Thu 24-Jan-13 16:36:31

If he wants to go let him.

Cherriesarelovely Thu 24-Jan-13 16:37:16

Yes, that text sounds good. Hope you get a positive response.

valiumredhead Thu 24-Jan-13 16:37:26

The OTT manner is what would put me off too. I wonder if she will actually go ahead with a normal play after school or if it is a sleepover or nothing?

waltermittymissus Thu 24-Jan-13 16:38:54

Good point valium

Cherries I really don't know! I think maybe she hasn't really done this type of thing before so she's trying to overdo it to make it brilliant IYSWIM. But I wish she'd just asked him to play. I would have been fine with a sleepover if DS had spent some time there and I knew he was happy and comfortable being at that house.

waltermittymissus Thu 24-Jan-13 16:39:50

Tbh she did seem a bit sleepover or nothing. Is that weird?!

valiumredhead Thu 24-Jan-13 16:40:33

Seeker I was waiting for you to say that grin would you really have let your just 6 year old have a sleepover with someone you barely know and your child has never even been there for a normal play?

Just to clarify I am all for sleepovers, ds has loads and has done since he was little. I think they are a very useful thing especially as you never know when you might need your child to sleep at a mate's house in an emergency.

valiumredhead Thu 24-Jan-13 16:42:32

Yes it is weird imo OP. It reminds me of someone I know who always invites ds for a sleepover and then backs out at the last minute. Ds isn't bothered by a sleepover he'd be happy with just going over for tea. It's all or nothing with her too.

waltermittymissus Thu 24-Jan-13 16:55:09

Ok I sent it! I added too that if the boys have a few play days and get used to each other's houses then I'm sure sleepovers will be great a bit down the line.

I hope she doesn't fall out with me now but I'd be worried sick from the second he left to the second he came back and I never feel that way usually (only about him behaving!) I will just feel a lot more comfortable when he knows them more.

Thanks for all your support/opinions!

valiumredhead Thu 24-Jan-13 16:56:17

Well done, keep us updated, I'm dying to know her response!

waltermittymissus Thu 24-Jan-13 17:07:59

Will do!

waltermittymissus Thu 24-Jan-13 19:07:34

Oh god. No answer! shock

waltermittymissus Thu 24-Jan-13 22:29:04

Right I've had no reply to my text.

Tbh I'm not surprised. I think she seems a bit like the tantrum throwing type!

Anyway, it looks like the play day is not happening! Hey ho!

foreverondiet Fri 25-Jan-13 07:22:36

Would only allow sleepovers at that ag after countless (ie many) daytime play dates. Ds1 is 6 and sleepovers only with v close friends generally when I know parents and know ds1 comfortable at their house.

LittleChimneyDroppings Fri 25-Jan-13 07:49:09

I've let my dd age 5 do a sleepover at a friends house she hadn't been to before. It was fine. If you dont think its the right thing to do though, then dont do it. The all or nothing approach does sound a little weird.

waltermittymissus Fri 25-Jan-13 13:35:20

Well she's totally ignored my texts which I take to mean it was either a sleepover or nothing. I do find that odd and tbh it makes me feel better for not having allowed him!

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