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To ask if you would let a new boyfriend bathe your 7 year old daughter?

(145 Posts)
TeenTwinsToddlerandTiaras Tue 22-Jan-13 14:47:45

A friend of mine did this and I am not suggesting anything untoward went on at all but I found it very odd.

This little girl has had to cope to witnessing DV and now has to cope with a new man in her life almost immediately that her father left. Now 'friend' has him bathing her and completely stripping away her dignity imo.

AIBU to give this 'friend' a piece of my mind?

Ragwort Tue 22-Jan-13 14:49:30

I'm not sure why a girl of 7 needs 'help' bathing hmm - and no, I think it is totally inappropriate to allow a new boyfriend to 'help' her.

Mogandme Tue 22-Jan-13 14:49:40

I wouldn't have an issue with a known male chatting to a 7 year old girl in the bath tub - ie he was stood in bathroom/hall; would have issues if it involved helping her bathe/get dry.

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 22-Jan-13 14:50:12

I wouldn't let him. I would be worried. Don't give her a piece of your mind though. Find out why. Did he want to, did she want him to, did the DD? And, call the NSPCC and see what they think.

TeenTwinsToddlerandTiaras Tue 22-Jan-13 14:50:26

Should clarify that 'friend' had gone to work and left boyfriend to bathe the DC. I asked her if he actually 'bathed' her and she said that he'd gone in with her to help her wash.

pigletmania Tue 22-Jan-13 14:50:43

No absolutely not. At 7 they are old enough to bath themselves unless she has sn. No not unless you know them very well and can trust them

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack Tue 22-Jan-13 14:51:21

No no no!!!!

Birdsgottafly Tue 22-Jan-13 14:51:40

Your friend needs you to tell her straight, for the sake of that little girl, who she isn't protecting/safeguarding, or taking her wishes and feelings into account.

Be there to keep talking to them both.

snowybrrr Tue 22-Jan-13 14:51:53


pigletmania Tue 22-Jan-13 14:52:00

Even talking to them in the tub, this s a stranger not someone she knows well

InNeedOfBrandy Tue 22-Jan-13 14:52:29

No I don't even bath my 7 yr old as at 7 they are quite capable of washing their own selves! I would find it creepy.

Fairylea Tue 22-Jan-13 14:52:36

I don't think most 7 year old's need help washing?? Maybe I'm wrong... dd didn't. I would have just left it till I was home. A night being mucky wouldn't have hurt, especially as the boyfriend is new ... seems a bit odd to me.

Nothing wrong with dads or step dads or long term partners bathing kids, especially little ones.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 22-Jan-13 14:53:05

Firstly, I think it's odd too.
I wouldn't have let a new boyfriend bath my DD at the age of 7.
But by then she wanted to be left to bath herself anyway.
But you might be a bit U if you 'give her a piece of your mind'!
You could bring it up in conversation and just mention it in passing but don't go in all guns blazing.
How old is she and how old is the BF?

Birdsgottafly Tue 22-Jan-13 14:53:28

"I asked her if he actually 'bathed' her and she said that he'd gone in with her to help her wash."

That is when most "incidents" happen, tbh.

Even if it is innocent, it doesn't sound as though the child is being taught much about personal bounderies.

Does she know this man well and for a length of time?

Catsdontcare Tue 22-Jan-13 14:53:43

Erm no it is not necessary help a 7 year old wash. I run ds's bath and leave him to it (but usually busy myself upstairs so I can hear him)

Otherworld Tue 22-Jan-13 14:53:47

No! I also agree with PP that at seven they don't need help beyond making sure they have everything they need within reach.

Crawling Tue 22-Jan-13 14:53:51

Not on imo

pigletmania Tue 22-Jan-13 14:54:03

Mum is doing a poor job safeguarding that girl letting s virtual stranger look after the girl and bath her

PoppettyPing Tue 22-Jan-13 14:54:40

YADDDDNU. This is incredibly inappropriate. How long has she been seeing this guy? You'd think the boyfriend would have refused. I would definitely say something, very gently and carefully, but I would say something.

TeenTwinsToddlerandTiaras Tue 22-Jan-13 14:55:11

Probably been together about 6 months and 'friend' is pregnant by him. She is 33 and he is around 24.

honeytea Tue 22-Jan-13 14:55:23

If it was a female friend or babysitter would it be ok? I look after my friends little girl and I supervise bath times, I don't actually help with the washing of her body but I get her towel ready and chat to her.

I think if its ok for a female friend it's ok for a male friend.

SouthernComforts Tue 22-Jan-13 14:56:05

No, I didn't bathe my dp's 7 yo ds even when we lived together, but I did put my dd (3) and his dd (4) in together, then ds bathed himself while I supervised bedtime for the girls.

acceptableinthe80s Tue 22-Jan-13 14:56:55

So he actually got in the bath with her? And your friends ok with this?! Wrong on every level i'd say. Has she known him long? I think the majority of men would be very uncomfortable in this situation.
I would voice your concerns if I were you.

OwlLady Tue 22-Jan-13 14:57:36

new boyfriend, no

I suppose it's different if you have been with someone a long time

but he is having sole care of her anyway I presume at an early stage in their relationship? it's not just the bathing is it?

who used to look after her when she went to work?

BinarySolo Tue 22-Jan-13 14:58:52

It is odd but could it maybe be a misunderstanding? If she left him asking him to bath the kids and he's not used to children he may have assumed that a 7 year old would still need help. If it was a new gf helping a 7 year old boy would you think the same?

If he volunteered to do it, with no prompting at all or seemed very keen, then I'd be worried.

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