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To not want df to go out every night?

(62 Posts)
PrettyKitty1986 Mon 21-Jan-13 22:32:34

I don't mean on the lash. Df has decided he wants to get fit and has started this new 'insanity' fitness plan. Basically, it's an 8 week programme where you work out for an hour, 6 days a week, following a high intensity DVD. He's doing it with a work mate, and going to his house every evening after work (to do it in his mates garage...he couldn't do the work out at home as there's a lot of jumping aound and we don't have the ceiling height).
Anyway, he's been finishing work at 6, coming home for a quick change and to say goodnight to the kids, then leaving, and getting back anywhere between 9 and 10pm. It's only been a week and I'm pissed off with him rushing off every evening and spending no time together.
The final straw was tonight...he got home at 10 and I must have had a bit of a face on because he asked me what was wrong so I (quite diplomatically) told him how I feel. His response was 'I'm doing it to get fit! Loads of blokes are in the pub every night, you should feel lucky I'm not doing that'. Cue lots of sarcastic responses from me about oh, yes, lucky me' etc (he instantly knew he'd said the worst thing possible because he's currently in the kitchen making the lunches for tomorrow as meek as anything).
Anyway, to wrap up...AIBU? It sounds melodramatic but I can see our relationship suffering with him being out every night for the next seven weeks. He can't see it though. But now, if he stops because of me, I'm the unreasonable misses who keeps him chained to the house plus he'll probably resent me for I have a feeling I can't really win hmm.

swallowedAfly Tue 22-Jan-13 07:24:06

tbf though snatch i'd do an intensive course in watching paint dry if it meant house elves came and took over all of my responsibilities outside of work for a couple of months.

redexpat Tue 22-Jan-13 07:25:21

Couldn't he get up early in the morning and do it? Are there shower facilities at his place of work?

swallowedAfly Tue 22-Jan-13 07:28:32

given the chance redex would you get up earlier in the morning to work out or do it in the evening so you could get out of all home stuff and hang out at your mates house?

littlewhitebag Tue 22-Jan-13 07:28:33

I would be well pissed off if my DH did this - and my kids are pretty much grown up. No company in the evening for 8 weeks! He is being very selfish and i would be complaining my arse off.

ithaka Tue 22-Jan-13 07:32:12

He can do the DVD at home some nights - that is bullshit about the ceiling heights. My friend is doing it at home and she lives in a weeny wee low ceiling cottage.

It is compromising that makes marriages last and you both need to do that - how about your partner does the DVD at home half the time and with his mate half the time? That sounds totally reasonable to me. You are not stopping him pursuing his new hobby and he is not stopping you getting a night out.

Good luck.

AmandaCooper Tue 22-Jan-13 07:38:28

YANBU. And it is nothing like having a DP in the forces or otherwise working away. There are loads of perfectly good ways to get fit that don't involve you unilaterally releasing yourself from all your family responsibilities for 6 nights out of 7 for 8 weeks. I can't believe people think he is being reasonable!

karatekimmi Tue 22-Jan-13 07:38:31

I'd be seriously pissed off if my DH removed himself from family life like this. I would be on strike apart from the bare minimum and walking out at the weekend, maybe a health spa day, Or a long hike to improve your fitness? I imagine if you do the same to him afterwards 8 weeks of 6 night off I bet he sees it differently.
If he wants to get fit, why can't he sprea it Over 4 months and do 3 workouts a week? It would be far easier for the family life.

IsabelleRinging Tue 22-Jan-13 07:50:15

What's a Df?

AmandaCooper Tue 22-Jan-13 07:54:46

Dear fiancé

cory Tue 22-Jan-13 07:57:36

My response would depend entirely on how understanding the df was if I wanted to spend 6 nights out of 7 away from the dc on my hobby. If it's about mutual accomodation, that would be fine. If it's about "well, I can do this because lots of blokes do"- then that's a different story.

But no plans which seriously impact on the other partner's freedom will be laid in this house without previous discussion.

And if the df doesn't realise this impacts on the OPs freedom, then that suggests that he sees her as a useful household implement that will be around in any case.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Tue 22-Jan-13 08:01:48

YY cory. And the fact his response was "well at least I'm not down the pub like loads of blokes" is a worry.

susanann Tue 22-Jan-13 10:59:17

I do think hes being unreasonable given the circumstances. Also once hes done the 8 weeks what will he be doing to maintain his fitness?

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