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to be upset at my friend not coming to my birthday?

(17 Posts)
ParisButterfly Mon 21-Jan-13 21:13:36

I would consider her a good friend, we have been friends since a really young age, went to the same school etc.

For the last few birthdays I've had she has always had an excuse for them - she booked flights for that night so couldn't come, last year she had to attend a family wedding and this year she is working.

I know I am being unreasonable as the world does not revolve around my birthday. But it would be nice for one year for my friend to actually spend it with me, as I also make the effort to come to her birthday.

I think it's just because it's been so many times which is why I'm a little upset over, but I am prepared to be told IABU.

HollyBerryBush Mon 21-Jan-13 21:16:22


All the reasons she has given are viable ones.

You do get to an age where birthdays are run of the mill and I agree with a large majority of posters, they really are not important unless you are 6 years old.

babiesinslingsgetcoveredinfood Mon 21-Jan-13 21:20:12

Yabu grow up

usualsuspect Mon 21-Jan-13 21:21:15


CheCazzo Mon 21-Jan-13 21:22:17

Seriously grow up. She's telling you that she's an adult now and that your birthday is not a 'drop everything' day in the calendar for her.

PureQuintessence Mon 21-Jan-13 21:24:10

Can you not celebrate your birthday on a different day, when she is actually free?

Cailinsalach Mon 21-Jan-13 21:25:28

I think you are being a bit u. How about asking her to celebrate with you on a different day? Lunch or a glass of wine?
I'd come...... I'm free all week.....and next week...and the week after
(hopes desperately for an invite)

LauriesFairyonthetreeeatsCake Mon 21-Jan-13 21:27:49

Depends. I dropped a friend this year who didn't come to my birthday (it was a big one). I'd given her a years notice. I never do anything for my birthday yet I always spent hundreds on going out for her last 5 birthdays.

It became the end of the friendship as it was just too obvious how little she was bothered.

NotGoodNotBad Mon 21-Jan-13 21:31:44

What do you and she do for your birthdays? Do you have a party/get-together every year? confused

ParisButterfly Mon 21-Jan-13 21:31:45

Sorry I needed a virtual slap to get me back to reality.

I lost my partner last year and it's my first birthday by myself so I'm just being over sensitive.

ParisButterfly Mon 21-Jan-13 21:33:36

NotGoodNotBad just a meal and drinks with friends and partners.

Sunnywithshowers Mon 21-Jan-13 21:39:07

I'm sorry to hear about your partner Paris.

As suggested upthread, you could arrange to meet your friend on another day?

manicinsomniac Mon 21-Jan-13 21:39:46

Wow, I was going to say YABU but that's quite some drip feed. Under the circumstances , if I was your friend, I'd be making every effort to be there.

ParisButterfly Mon 21-Jan-13 21:45:28

No sorry I shouldn't drip feed ... I just still find it hard to talk about.

Thank you Sunny

squeakytoy Mon 21-Jan-13 21:50:43

Just make arrangements to go out for a meal on a night when she isnt working. It will still be in celebration of it being your birthday.

HomeEcoGnomist Mon 21-Jan-13 21:57:23

I don't actually think YABU - I see this as not being about the birthday per se, but about making an effort. If she can't make your night out, does she suggest an alternative date/plan? If no, then I would take it that she is just not bothered enough.

I have a friend like this - feel second or third best most of the time. She won't even make/agree plans, based on 'I might be doing xyz'. Sometimes I feel as if I must be being a bit SWF-ish - so desperate to meet up that I keep going back with different suggestions.

So I have given up doing quite so much chasing - and funnily enough, haver seen her for ages, and no current plans

Sorry, went off on a tangent there OP. Maybe time to start thinking of her as not so close a friend and don't have any expectations?

whateveritakes Mon 21-Jan-13 23:15:38

Old friends are the trickiest I think though. On the one hand you have a lot of history. On the other it's worse when you become "different" people...find a partner,have children etc.
I would definitely feel any good friend would support me if my DP had died and it was my first year without them though.
Think you might need to put this friendship down to Facebook only status, don't make the effort for her and surround yourself with more supportive friends.

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