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to be furious with dh for eating cakes he knew were destined for the bin!

(1000 Posts)
alfrex Mon 21-Jan-13 14:57:29

OK. I bake a lot. And sometimes my cakes are beautiful, and we all enjoy them. But sometimes it does not go so well and the cakes come out sunk or burnt or still wet in the middle (if dh would get the fan fixed on the oven this would happen a lot less often, but that's another thread)

There is a system, dh and the children are well aware of it. If the cakes are good to eat, they either go in a freezer bag for later use, or in a sealed tin for use over the week, or on a plate on the side so that they can be eaten now. DH knows this and I never complain about him "sampling" even if th cakes are meant for after dinner or whatever. I bake a lot so there is usually something there if he fancies a nibble.

If the cakes are not up to scratch, they go in the bin as soon as they are cooled (or as soon as dh empties the bin - there's another thread there!)

so this morning dh saunters into the kitchen to get himself breakfast. I come in and find him cramming his mouth with the burnt, crappy cakes that were sitting in the bun tray by the bin. I was really pissed off and had a go at him for it. I can make really nice cakes and I make plenty of them, so he has no need to wind me up and embarrass me by eating the ones that have gone wrong. He know it is a pet hate of mine.

so he strops off to work having called me a "control freak" in front of our children who were sitting having their breakfast. I am Not Happy.

ILoveTIFFANY Mon 21-Jan-13 15:10:54

You are MOANING the cakes aren't perfect cos of lack of fan oven!!! Man up and sort it.... Jesus!!

Then you would have perfect cakes and the world can continue to revolve around you!

FanFuckingTastic Mon 21-Jan-13 15:11:24

Not very frugal of you. Feed them to the birds at least.

Very wasteful, bit burnt around the edges would result in me trimming them and making loads of trifle, or sponge fingers for trifle, or my belly fatter.


PriscillaLydiaSellon Mon 21-Jan-13 15:11:39

This is vair funny. All my attempts at baking get burnt. My family would probably not recognise an unburnt cake. [needs a 'hates baking' face here].

Agree about bins and ovens being a man's job, though.

MaryBS Mon 21-Jan-13 15:11:49

He's not insulting you. I'm with him, its stopping food from being wasted. I'd eat it too if it were going to be thrown out. Why don't you object to the waste? I think you are treating him like a child that he has to do as he is told or else.

HecateWhoopass Mon 21-Jan-13 15:12:18

Because it is silly.

And wasteful.

And if he wants to eat them, it really doesn't matter.

You have fucked them up. He's seen them. He knows. He wants to eat them. It's like you want to pretend you haven't made a mistake or something. That you are the baker of Perfect Cakes. That you can present neatly on a doily and receive much praise for.

It's only cake. I cannot begin to express how much it doesn't matter and how odd it is that you would rather put a cake in the bin than let someone eat it who wants to.

FeistyLass Mon 21-Jan-13 15:12:26

ok, Op, I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt.

He doesn't take the bin out. He doesn't get the oven fixed and he ignores your wishes about which cakes are edible. If the cake-eating has become a symbol of other problems then YANBU. I can see how it could be passive-aggressive cake eating.

If that's the case then put the cakes somewhere else so he can't eat them. Then you won't get annoyed (but if you could feed them to birds or make them into trifle that would be even better. I've never baked a cake or biscuit that can't be eaten and that's not because I'm a brilliant cook, it's just because I have a horror of throwing away food that can be eaten.)

However, if it is just him eating cake then you might need to relax a bit and let dh decide if he wants to eat cake smile .

alfrex Mon 21-Jan-13 15:12:27

OMG so now I am mental and I need a therapist hmm

thank you defineme for understanding why he has jobs to do in the house. I do not think emptying the bin is a big price to pay for all that I do for him and the children.

BinkyWinky Mon 21-Jan-13 15:12:28

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Mintyy Mon 21-Jan-13 15:13:21

Sorry but it is very controlling to react like this to your dh eating a few below-par cakes. Controlling and odd.

Megatron Mon 21-Jan-13 15:13:49

I'm sorry but you really do sound like a control freak. He is a grown man, does he need to take instructions from you? And if you don't want to get your oven fixed because it's 'his job' hmm you can't really moan about your cakes not coming out perfect. This is such a non issue I never get why people pick battles over such ridiculous things.

valiumredhead Mon 21-Jan-13 15:13:58

This sounds like it has nothing to do with cakes at all and everything to do with dh perhaps not pulling his weight or another unrelated matter.

Fillybuster Mon 21-Jan-13 15:14:52

YABU for posting in AIBU if you're not remotely interesting in the answer.

Oh, and yes, YABU with regard to the cakes, too. But I find I no longer care...

PandaOnAPushBike Mon 21-Jan-13 15:14:55

Eh? You should come to my house where the motto is 'if I baked it: you'll eat it'. Doesn't matter how burnt, sunk or soggy a cake is.

Wow......just wow. confused

Fillybuster Mon 21-Jan-13 15:15:21



Perhaps you shouldn't bother cooling the dud cakes before binning. Just put them straight into the bin if it upsets you that people eat them.

Ihatemytoes Mon 21-Jan-13 15:16:16

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Habble Mon 21-Jan-13 15:16:39

Gosh, you are allowed to make mistakes you know. It's not a personal failing if a few of your baked goods go awry and it isn't an insult if he eats a few dodgy cakes.

Do you feel annoyed because your baking credentials have taken a hit? (not that I see it that way, but perhaps you do?)

HazeltheMcWitch Mon 21-Jan-13 15:17:03

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Dahlen Mon 21-Jan-13 15:17:19

If he eats your burned cakes and enjoys them then either you're starving him or maybe you are a complete perfectionist who devalues something that is perfectly ok. In which case, perhaps he would be more within his rights to be furious with you for wasting food or for infantilising him to the extent where he cannot choose for himself what he puts into his mouth. How would you feel if he dictated to you what handcream you could use, or what outfit you were to wear that day (after all, you wouldn't have to wait very long before you wore that outfit as most people have a finite collection of clothes...)

OTOH, if he's not pulling his weight in terms of chores, he's a selfish git. And if he's deliberately eating burned cakes so he can tease you later about your less successful efforts, he's a twat.

Badvoc Mon 21-Jan-13 15:17:19

You do sound like you are over reacting a bit tbh.
Is it that you are worried about them making him ill? Which is unlikely really...

Seachelle Mon 21-Jan-13 15:17:39

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Badvoc Mon 21-Jan-13 15:17:47

Oh, and y sound very hard in yourself wrt to the mistakes...it happens.

alfrex Mon 21-Jan-13 15:17:48

well we don't have any birds here

but the issue is not whether I am "wasting" food, it is about dh knowingly sneaking into th kitchen and filling his mouth with the condemned cakes when he knows that it will upset me and make me feel embarrassed.

Still not sure where all the personal insults are coming from. Deluded, mental, control freak etc. Nice.

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