To ask what would you do in this situation?

[AntoinetteCosway]

I am going round in circles. I have PND and just can't think straight so I don't know whether my concerns are real or the depression talking.

I hate my job-the management are awful, they treat staff like scum and I'm paid 50% to work 80% of a timetable (teacher). DD goes to nursery 4 days a week as a result, I feel like I barely see her, we have one day off together during the week when we're both exhausted and end up doing nothing but recuperating. She's 16 mo btw.

I had 99% decided to quit this summer and be a SAHM. This would make us pretty poor but we're good at scrimping and it wouldn't actually make much of a difference to our income as we'd be saving so much on not sending DD to nursery.

A full time job has come up at a very good school. It's a 6 day a week job though-boarding school-and I'd have to work every Saturday as well as Mon-Fri. DD would have to go to nursery full time. I would get a massive pay rise from my current role and it would make us a lot more financially secure. If DH were to lose his job for any reason we would be ok. (No reason to think he will, but just in case.) I would have great holidays but during term time would really only see DD for bedtime and then on Sundays. (I wouldn't get home each day till 6.30 approx.)

In terms of salary, savings for DD's future, my pension, future career prospects, potential for promotion, DD's education (she'd get 50% off fees) etc, it is pretty obvious that I should apply.

BUT. Every time I think about working 6 days a week and hardly ever seeing DD, my gut twists and I think why the hell am I even considering it when I had so nearly decided to be a SAHM in order to spend more time with her?

I'm so confused. My parents have both pointed out that it would only be one year of sacrifice as after that DD could go to the nursery at the school I'm at and therefore I could take her in, pick her up and spend time with her that way.

I'm worried about our relationship being affected if we only spend one day a week together.

I feel like it's selfish to apply, because I'd be denying her and me the chance to be together while she's so young.

I feel like it's selfish NOT to apply because I'd be denying her a more financially secure future.

This is the only school I'm interested in working at. If I don't apply/get the job I'm still going to quit my current job.

In 10 years I have never seen another post in my department advertised there-it's a v v competitive place to work as it's so good.

Basically, I want the job, but in about 3 years time.

So what the hell do I do? I'm so torn that I'm tempted to just add up the for and against replies and do whatever the majority say.

Aaaaaaaargh.

(If it's relevant, while there are obviously never any guarantees, I do think I'm in with a very good chance of getting it if I apply.)

[dexter73]

Could you apply for it and see what you think later if you get it?

[jessjessjess]

If you hadn't said you had always wanted to work there, I would say leave it.

As it is, maybe apply just so you can actually meet them etc before making a decision?

Remember, if you don't like a job you can always quit!

[AntoinetteCosway]

I could, but I just feel like I can't trust my own judgement at the moment. I worry that I'd take it because I'd feel it would be stupid not to rather than because I actually want it.

[Crocodilio]

Why not aapply, try your best to get it, then maake the decision if aand when you're offered it?

Could it be that there would be some flexibility in the timetable that would allow for some snatched hours during the week, or to leave early one day a week or anything?

[AntoinetteCosway]

That's true about quitting but in teaching you have to give a term's notice and in reality it would be pretty shit to leave at Easter (I'd feel terrible about exam classes) so I'd have to do the full year.

[AntoinetteCosway]

I don't know about flexibility-it's a very full on place. I could ask at interview though.

[AntoinetteCosway]

I know it sounds like I'm making excuses. I feel like I am. I keep swinging between 'do the right thing for DD, apply!' and 'do the right thing for DD, don't apply!'

I'm also aware how ridiculous it is to be this worked up about a job I might not even get.

[kasbah72]

Definitely apply and see what happens. You might not get the job but at least you know you went for it and won't regret that choice. If it gets to the point where you do get the job then you will have an even stronger feeling in your gut either way. You can always pull out.

You actually might find there is a little more flexibility once you are actually in the role. Remember, even if you DO take the job, you aren't stuck with it for life. If you hate it after 6 months then you can ask to go part time or leave.

If the nursery is on-site then you will see her a little more than if she was somewhere else. It sounds like your dream job but with dodgy timing. I also think you are probably feeling worse about the 6 days bit because you are hating your current job so much.

Just go for it and don't worry until there is something to worry about!

[FelicityWasCold]

Apply and make the decision if you are offered the job.

Much better than wondering what if.

[werewolvesdidit]

I left teaching to be a SAHM. YOu have my sympathies op. It really isn't family friendly the way other people think it is. Could I suggest that you quit teaching and enrol with some tutoring agencies? You could also consider kumon etc. All this can be done when your DH is at home so no stress about your daughter.

You are basically saying that you 'ought' to want this job - not that you do want it. Quit teaching for a couple of years and do what you really want to do. Tutoring is fun and you get toearn money and also be with your daughter. Simples! :) Feel free to PM me if you want more advice. Good luck.

[VisualiseAHorse]

I think maybe you shouldn't apply - having PND and obviously worried about not spending much time with your DD, you may well be better off being a SAHM.

[DeepRedBetty]

I would apply and see what happens. As you say you have PND which is making you a bit wittery, but one thing I am sure of, your relationship with dd will not be affected by a year of only seeing her at bedtime and breakfast. And it isn't a whole year anyway is it? Lovely long independent sector hols!

Good luck!

[PrettyKitty1986]

I wouldn't. I'm in a similar position...manager jobs in work come up once on a blue moon. The last one was 3 years ago and one's just been advertised now. It would mean a big jump in salary, better benefits etc. but ATM I work a compressed shift, meaning I get 3 full days off a week, plus as a lower pay grade I get more flexibility which will be needed when ds2 turns 3 in April and is in part time nursery for 18 months before school.
I desperately want the job, but it would make our lives a nightmare for the next year or so until both ds's are in full time school so I've decided not to go for it and just hope that I can find a similar opportunity next year. Considering the future is important but not to the extent that it overrides being able to enjoy your life now IMO.

[LauriesFairyonthetreeeatsCake]

Apply for it, get it, then decide.

Don't ask at interview about part time - in the fee paying school I work at they don't 'do' part time at ALL and you'd never get offered a job there if you asked.

There will be huge competition for that job and I totally understand that it might not come up again. Is there any way you can select a child minder very close to the school and go over at lunchtime (if you get a lunchtime)?

The holidays are longer, yes? So it might be worthwhile counting the actual days until you she goes to the prep. In my school it's very full on in term time but its 2 week half terms so really it's only 30/35 days between holidays.

[Bluemonkeyspots]

I would apply and see what happens but if I was offered the job I would take it (and I say that as a full time stay at home mum if that makes any difference)

Yes it would be long term time hours but the job security and long holidays would balance it right out for me, you would soon get into a good bedtime routine that you would both look forward to every day.

If you had a little baby I would maybe think no but she is already half way to preschool.

Also about the 50% fee reduction

[PrettyKitty1986]

See I disagree. I think it would be much worse to apply for a job you want, get it, then have to decide you can't do it. I'd rather not apply at all if I wasn't certain that I would /could take the actual job. Also, there is always the slim chance that an opportunity may come up in future and the op may be scuppering future chances if the school feel messed around now by not accepting an offered posting.

[fatcuntroller]

Apply for it and see what happens. All this stress will have been for nothing if you don't get the job!

Personally I couldn't work 6 days a week, but then I'm a sahm so that would be a huge change for me.

[RedHelenB]

I think if you are in two minds then it will show in your interview if you get one. To be successful in a competitive post you really need to be 100% behind it. However, you may find working at a private school less tiring, better behaviour, less pointless paperwork, fewer pupils per class etc.

[thixotropic]

Except for I'm not a teacher, I was in almost exactly your position 18 months ago. I applied for the job, got an interview,but didn't get the job. I'm sort of pleased I didn't, I wold have been swapping short commute, flexible working for long commute, longer fixed hours but big salary hike and better prospects.

I'd say apply, then decide.. I think I would have always thought 'what if' had I not at least given it a shot.

[HannahsSister40]

I wouldn't do it. 6 days a week and never seeing her? Spending your one day a week off recovering. You've got PND. This will make it worse. If you can afford to be a sahm and want to be a sahm, just do it. There are many more important things in life than career prospects and pensions.

[AntoinetteCosway]

Thanks for all replies. I'm already in a private school so the holidays wouldn't be any different but are obviously still a plus point.

I tutor at the moment alongside my part time job as it pays so little after nursery fees are taken into account. If I were a SAHM I would definitely continue to tutor.

Sorry not to reply to everyone-am taking everything on board and drawing up a list of suggestions!