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AIBU to be absolutely mortified that I am still a virgin?

(223 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

WantsToBeFree Sun 20-Jan-13 19:21:31

I will soon be 24 and I am still a virgin. There, I've said it blush

Do I want to have sex? YES. Do I want to be in a serious relationship? YES.

Unfortunately, life has been very complicated for me so far, and you could say I haven't had the time or opportunity. I have been in a relationship and there was a physical side to it, but we never went all the way.I am not a prude, but I don't think that I can have sex with anyone I don't genuinely like and trust.

I am feeling very hopeless and quite embarrassed about my situation. Anyone else been in a similar situation? Am I a complete freak?

VitoCorleone Sun 20-Jan-13 22:23:08

One of my friends is 26 and is still a virgin.

LivingInAPinkBauble Sun 20-Jan-13 22:25:49

I have only had sex with DH, waited until had met the right person and I was in my 20s. I have a couple of friends in their late 20s and early 30s who for whatever reason haven't had sex. Who cares, do what is right for you.

Portofino Sun 20-Jan-13 22:27:37

I am just saying that I would be wary of sharing these things on MN with people that you don.t know. Just saying like. This is only the internet where the whole world can read what you posted.

WordOfTheDay Sun 20-Jan-13 22:29:46

I'm not a mum and I'm not going to be one (too old, etc.). This is the only forum I use. The fact that the OP chose to post here never even crossed my mind. This is the only place I would post on any (general) topic. Some MNers seem not to forget that this is the favourite forum of large numbers of non-parents.

chewingguminmyhair Sun 20-Jan-13 22:31:17

I would think that being a virgin at 24 is unusual, but that doesn't mean you are a freak!

I disagree with the person that said it's 'something to be proud of' though because I think that means that have many partners isn't. It just is what it is. Some people stay with the person they lose their virginity to forever and some don't. Some like casual sex with strangers, some don't.

Sex can be wonderful and you'll get there when you get there. Or maybe you'll never have sex. And either will be fine, because it will be right for you. smile

PurpleStorm Sun 20-Jan-13 22:34:07

YABU to be mortified. It's nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about.

Better to wait for the right person, than to have sex with someone you don't particularly like just because you feel that you should be having sex.

It's probably a lot commoner than you think for people your age to be virgins, or to have only had sex with one partner.

qualitytoffee Sun 20-Jan-13 22:35:05

OP, i think its admirable that you have integrity and wont go for a quick shag!
You are not a freak, just a young woman who has your own mind.
I think you should be applauded actually, theres so much shite on tv re reality tv crap, and whos shagging whom, its like sex akin to getting the latest hairspray.

Fair play OP, you don't have to be mortified x
From an old gimmer grin

AntoinetteCosway Sun 20-Jan-13 22:37:05

I've only ever slept with DH and one of my friends is mid-30s and still a virgin. You wouldn't know to look at her though!! Remember there's no reason to be embarrassed because a) noone knows unless you tell them and b) it's noone else's business.

Portofino Sun 20-Jan-13 22:39:47

Some posters seem to forget that others are not posting genuinely or innocently.

DumSpiroSpero Sun 20-Jan-13 22:42:33

You should feel proud of yourself for being sensible and putting your own feelings, mental and physical well being above the need to 'join in with the flock'.

Not saying there is anything with that if that's what someone does want btw, just that if you know what your boundaries are and manage to stick with them rather than succumbing to peer pressure - good on you.

TheSecondComing Sun 20-Jan-13 22:43:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fakebook Sun 20-Jan-13 22:45:23

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

katykuns Sun 20-Jan-13 22:46:51

My DP lost his virginity to me at 22. He has no regrets, as he saved himself for someone he knew he loved. Don't be mortified. I can understand why you would feel insecure, afterall you are faced with 2 groups of people: 1. That have had sex, and 2. Ones that haven't, but don't tend to say anything.

If it helps, I lost my virginity to my ex, at 17, and it was greatly influenced by the fact I thought I should have done it already. What a mistake that was... one that influenced my life quite drastically. I used to think also, that perhaps its a bit sad that I am likely to only ever have 2 sexual partners (DP is the man for me)... but it really doesnt matter to me at all.

Also... exP had had multiple sexual encounters and was terrible in bed, and DP obviously a virgin, is VERY good ;)

SashaSashays Sun 20-Jan-13 22:48:50

I don't know why some posters are being so snidey, I think it's being implied that the OP is a troll. Personally I think so fucking what. I don't fact check every post, I don't turn up at people's houses and check their MIL really is as awful as they say she is, if the OP isn't asking for anything except a bit of reassurance, I like it seems most posters, am happy to have a bit of faith.

Quite a few people on mn don't seem to have children, and I sort of think that mn should be supportive and give advice regardless, a bit like a large collective mum to its members.

OP should feel mortified I know of my DN and a couple of her friends are both a similar age and are still virgins. Very attractive girls who I think have had the opportunity but obviously not felt ready or whatever. It sounds that you in yourself are comfortable with it just maybe not the reactions from others about it. You don't have to tell people, just say its private.

ZooAnimals Sun 20-Jan-13 22:49:12

Porto we should all be wary about what we post on here obviously, because anyone can read it, but that's true of every thread. Maybe you could start a thread reminding everyone to not post too much of themselves on the interent.

TSC report or be nice.

SashaSashays Sun 20-Jan-13 22:49:23

Jesus, SHOULDN'T feel mortified!

ZooAnimals Sun 20-Jan-13 22:51:42

grin I thought you meant because Jesus was a virgin!

TheSecondComing Sun 20-Jan-13 22:52:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ConfusedPixie Sun 20-Jan-13 22:53:43

I wish I'd waited too. I really wish DP was my first. If you weren't ready then that's that really, there's no point rushing into things and regretting them!

TheBrideofMucky Sun 20-Jan-13 22:53:54

Me too. grin

Don't be mortified OP, you have the rest of your life to find someone you like. This doesn't have to be a burden you carry around with you, just relax about it.

SashaSashays Sun 20-Jan-13 22:56:30

Well zoo if you want to go down that path, so was Mary.

And they both got statues all over the world so yeah don't feel mortified, wait for the sculptures to arrive.

WantsToBeFree Sun 20-Jan-13 22:57:05

Thanks for all the replies and the messagessmile really helped me see things in perspective.

As for people who think I'm a troll, I'm not. I've posted here previously on several occasions and have found invaluable help from the ladies on mumsnet.

Viviennemary Sun 20-Jan-13 23:00:32

I think it's OK to want to be in a relationship but not OK to be mortified that you are still a virgin. If you have never met anybody yet that you wanted a meaningful relationship with it is a good thing you are still a virgin. That is my opinion. There are quite a few people who might have had a disastrous first sexual experience and that can be very traumatic.

AKissIsNotAContract Sun 20-Jan-13 23:04:39

I recognise the OP, she's the childbirth activist and posts a bit on the feminism boards.

Snazzynewyear Sun 20-Jan-13 23:04:57

Troll-hunting is becoming the norm round here these days. It's a very unpleasant development. There have been some ridiculous examples lately. OP, take no notice.

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