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to have insisted that DH took the kids on the bus rather than accepted a lift without proper carseats?

(176 Posts)
BreastmilkNewYearLatte Sun 20-Jan-13 18:17:14

It's an icy evening, and only the main roads around us are gritted. There has already been one car accident in our street today. DH took the kids (DS 18mo and DD 3.4) out on the bus for the afternoon and has just rung to tell me that one of his friends has offered the three of them a lift home. His friend has a car seat for DS but not DD. I said that I really wasn't comfortable with DD not having a car seat and have asked DH to take the bus. DH says the kids are cold and hungry and that the bus will take over an hour - but has grudgingly agreed to take the bus. I don't know whether he's genuinely intending to (TBH I wouldn't put it past him to get his friend to drive him to the bus stop) but either way he will return him very angry.. he's insisting IABU because he has been looking after the kids alone for a fortnight whilst I've been off work with anxiety.

I'm not starting to doubt myself - am I overreacting to this? AIBU to have insisted they take the bus?

13Iggis Fri 25-Jan-13 10:17:42

I heard recently that the number of children killed in road accidents (all sorts) had decreased dramatically since the 70s. I assumed this must be due to car seats/airbags/safer cars, as it certainly isn't down to the numbers of cars on the road.
Framey a cushion is likely to just going flying out from under the child in an accident, presumably then choking them on the belt. I have loose foam cushions in my vehicle (camper van) and was advised to make sure they are securely fixed to the seat before the carseat goes on top, to avoid this submarining effect.

80sMum Fri 25-Jan-13 00:52:37

Thankfully, the overwhelming majority of journeys do not result in an accident. When my DCs were little, not all cars had seatbelts in the back, in fact most didn't. DS used to love being taken out by his granny, who had no booster seat or seat belt. I wasn't happy about it but I let him go, as I deemed the risk to be low.
Life is full of risk. We all take risks every day.

FrameyMcFrame Fri 25-Jan-13 00:44:18

For an almost 4 yr old a cushion as an emergency booster seat?

StitchAteMySleep Fri 25-Jan-13 00:43:10


Dd1 was injured on a bus when it stopped her buggy overturned. She had a head injury, mild concussion, but was fine.

I would have taken the bus. It was dark, there was snow and ice around and you can never account for the behaviour of other drivers (recent drink driving dh thread on here a case in point). I would rather my children be tired, cold and hungry than dead. A split second is all it takes.

OP your DH needs to take responsibility for the fact that his children were cold and hungry. Why didn't he feed them before bringing them back? Why didn't he take extra warm clothes and a spare blanket for the youngest if they are in a buggy? Why didn't he leave earlier if he knew this would be a problem? I travel everywhere by public transport, not being a driver so always think about these things. If my 3.5 year old is tired she can snooze on the bus and DH will meet me at the other end or I put the baby in the carrier (which can carry a toddler too and folds up small) and the older one goes in the buggy. There are ways around these issues that don't involve risking your kids lives.

Robinredboobs Fri 25-Jan-13 00:38:27

The bus I catch daily travels around 4 miles down a busy a-road. I say travels, more like hurtles we must be doing at least 50. It scares the hell out of me now my toddler is out of her pushchair. If that double decker crashed on that stretch of road I highly doubt anyone would live..anyway I can't drive so I have no choice. On the subject of statistics that are being bandied about, there are waaaay more cars on the road so obviously the chances of being in a car crash are higher' because there are more people traveling in them than busses. Meh I don't do maths but it sounds about right to me.

KobayashiMaru Thu 24-Jan-13 23:58:35

One of mine ended up being bluelighted to hospital from a bus, thats never happened from our car.

nannyof3 Thu 24-Jan-13 23:24:22

I would of taken the lift!

bebanjo Thu 24-Jan-13 23:11:27

dont know what ive said to upset ladyisabella and chippinginneeds.
i use the bus, take unplanned lifts and used taxis, i can always learn something, not sure what iam supposed to be learning from you?

popserinis Tue 22-Jan-13 09:27:48

Lady in disguise, not breaking the law if it is a short unplanned journey

13Iggis Mon 21-Jan-13 16:48:52

What circumstances do we not know?
While my dh and I have equal parenting rights, we both know full well that I chose the carseats in our cars, researched them, read the Which guides, installed them etc etc - so it would be odd if he didn't defer to my judgement on matters of car seats!

ll31 Mon 21-Jan-13 13:27:31

Is he not their parent too and therefore able to make decisions when he's minding them?Don't turn inTo one of those mothers who feels other parent is useless and they always know best themselves... No one here can decide really who was being reasonable or not as we don't know all Circumstances...

LadyInDisguise Mon 21-Jan-13 11:25:56

Btw Op, you were NOT overreacting

LadyInDisguise Mon 21-Jan-13 11:25:05

I am shock at the number of people who would happy to break the law (you have to use a carseat in a car).
And even more shock at the number of people who then declare 'it's quite safe anyway] shock.

Please someone tell me I am dreaming....

IloveJudgeJudy Mon 21-Jan-13 11:18:19

Oops, pressed too soon. I would have taken the lift. Unlike the OP's DH, I wouldn't even have rung and mentioned it; I am an adult and the DC's parent and I would have just taken the decision as would DH. We may have discussed it afterwards, but each parent is equally capable of making a decision with regard to the DC, it's just that the conclusion reached may not always be the same one. Good and bad on both sides.

IloveJudgeJudy Mon 21-Jan-13 11:16:54

Someone earlier up the thread said that you wouldn't hold on to your DC in the event of a crash. DM held on to me when I was 4 (many, many years ago). She was wearing a seatbelt in the front and I was on her lap. It was a very bad accident, but I survived completely unscathed, as did she.

RuleBritannia Mon 21-Jan-13 10:52:47

topic. No I haven't had one already.

RuleBritannia Mon 21-Jan-13 10:52:21

Why didn't the husband just take the lift? He was in charge of his children and couldn't make a decision so rang his wife? Perhaps they were just chatting generally and the husband mentioned the lift in passing so the bus tipic came up. Sits down with a brew. Changed mind - with a wine.

MurderOfProse Mon 21-Jan-13 10:49:28

A few years back I took DD (then 3 or so) sledging by bus a few miles away. A fresh fall of snow happened which we weren't expecting, and the buses were cancelled. It was getting dark, she was sobbing, and we'd already walked a mile through the deep snow and blizzard not to mention spending half an hour at the bus stop for buses that never arrived.

A police car stopped beside us and asked us if we would like a lift home smile First thing I asked was "But.. no car seat!" and they said it was fine in these circumstances. I was incredibly grateful!

In answer to OP, I'd have insisted on the bus as well actually. The only reason we took the police car was because there was no bus, and the state of poor DD.

mamamibbo Mon 21-Jan-13 10:44:35

buses are safer than cars, i would have insisted he took the bus but my dh knows that and wouldnt have even thought of taking a lift without proper car seats, my children never have and never will go in a car without a seat, i dont care if its legal, i wont do it. i cant think of an emergency that would affect that decision

chris481 Mon 21-Jan-13 10:38:14

I would have taken the lift, because a car without child-seats is sufficiently safe. A child-seat makes a journey less dangerous. It doesn't follow that a journey without one is actually dangerous, in an absolute sense.

13Iggis Mon 21-Jan-13 10:37:58

Piglet that's the way our taxis are here, we can just lift the buggy in and out - much easier than folding it etc.

pigletmania Mon 21-Jan-13 10:21:47

Like iwould a bus, ds would be restrained

pigletmania Mon 21-Jan-13 10:20:46

Thre cab company we se have black wheelchaire taxis, I could ask them for it when I book and just lift the buggy onto it and apply the breaks

cory Mon 21-Jan-13 10:20:25

What about the buses? Simply that statistics show that children very very rarely get killed through almost going flying on buses- and that quite a few children get killed in car crashes. FOr some reason, though being on the bus may feel less safe, statistics seems to show that it is, in fact, safer.

Obviously, anyone can take a calculated risk- as you are doing- and as you
say, we all do it.

pigletmania Mon 21-Jan-13 10:05:57

What about buses then! Te number if times I've had to fold buggy up and sit with dcs on my lap, bus has breaked and we almost go flying. Or dc in buggy, breaks applied me holding on it for dear life to prevent it from going rpthrough bus windscreen. No car seats there. Personally I feel safer in a taxi with our current arrangement. The journey is few min one along local roads. After all we take Risks every day crossing the road, going in a bus/car/taxi. No it's not regular, one a week for one way f the journey, dh collecting us. It's up to parents to calculate te risks

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