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to have insisted that DH took the kids on the bus rather than accepted a lift without proper carseats?

(176 Posts)
BreastmilkNewYearLatte Sun 20-Jan-13 18:17:14

It's an icy evening, and only the main roads around us are gritted. There has already been one car accident in our street today. DH took the kids (DS 18mo and DD 3.4) out on the bus for the afternoon and has just rung to tell me that one of his friends has offered the three of them a lift home. His friend has a car seat for DS but not DD. I said that I really wasn't comfortable with DD not having a car seat and have asked DH to take the bus. DH says the kids are cold and hungry and that the bus will take over an hour - but has grudgingly agreed to take the bus. I don't know whether he's genuinely intending to (TBH I wouldn't put it past him to get his friend to drive him to the bus stop) but either way he will return him very angry.. he's insisting IABU because he has been looking after the kids alone for a fortnight whilst I've been off work with anxiety.

I'm not starting to doubt myself - am I overreacting to this? AIBU to have insisted they take the bus?

GinandJag Sun 20-Jan-13 18:19:32

I don't think a bus without car seats is any better than a car without car seats. A shorter time on the road will reduce the risk.

ladyintheradiator Sun 20-Jan-13 18:19:54

I'm quite cautious generally but I'd have taken the lift, I think YABU, sorry.

MrsKeithRichards Sun 20-Jan-13 18:20:26

Personally seeing as your dd is the age she is I would have accepted the lift.

ddubsgirl Sun 20-Jan-13 18:20:46

Bus with no seat belts vs car with no car seat but has belts hmm

NorthernLurker Sun 20-Jan-13 18:21:08

I agree - there are no car seats on a bus anyway. Ring him back and tell him to take a lift. Getting cold is a risk to your dc too. I assume that the friend will drive appropriately and it's a short distance?

Are you getting some help with your anxiety?

tittytittyhanghang Sun 20-Jan-13 18:21:13

Idk, in the event of an accident are they any safer on a bus without carseats than in a car? Tbh id have probably accepted the lift seeing as she had a carseat for the toddler.

LadyBeagleEyes Sun 20-Jan-13 18:22:09

I'd have taken the lift.
One kid in car seat, one on his knee with seatbelt on.

LadyMargolotta Sun 20-Jan-13 18:22:25

I'm surprised your dh rang and asked your permission? My dh would have made the decision himself.

I don't think a bus journey with two cold hungry children at this time of the evening would have been much fun. And I don't see how it would be safer then the car, although I think legally you need a car seat.

frasersmummy Sun 20-Jan-13 18:22:31

I would say yes you are over-reacting .. the law allows you to travel on a one off journey eg taxi/lift without a car seat

Why is the bus which has no restraints safer than friends car which presumably has seat belts??

so yes yabu

SizzleSazz Sun 20-Jan-13 18:22:46

Waiting an hour in the cold to take a bus with no belts/carseat, versus a car with a seat for your DS and a seatbelt for your DD, i think YABU.

And a bit batty confused

NorthernLurker Sun 20-Jan-13 18:22:50

If you can't get him on the phone can you at least go along to the bus stop and help them home when they get off the bus. That might defuse the situation a bit.

BreastmilkNewYearLatte Sun 20-Jan-13 18:23:35


I didn't really think through the implications of the bus having no car seats either.

I've really fucked this one up, haven't I...

LadyMargolotta Sun 20-Jan-13 18:24:29

I bet he has taken the lift anyway.

BreastmilkNewYearLatte Sun 20-Jan-13 18:26:31

He didn't ask my permission - he rang to tell me. I raised the issue only because I knew the friend in question only has one child.

And I know I'm batty. I said that at the outset.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Sun 20-Jan-13 18:26:50

Well I think technically it is against the law for DD to be in the car without a car seat unless this amounts to an emergency so YANBU. BUT I still think I'd have taken the lift in the circumstances...

Loonytoonie Sun 20-Jan-13 18:27:27

If your DH comes back having taken the bus, then you need to tell him exactly what you told us in your last post. Humble pie is in order I think...

NorthernLurker Sun 20-Jan-13 18:28:25

Look don't panic. Can you ring him or meet him? Either WILL defuse his annoyance I think. Especially if you can say him that you're sorry, you over-reacted.

If you can't do wither then make a hot drink so you can press it in to his hand when he gets in, and if you possibly can take the kids off to get them in their pjs.

ladyintheradiator Sun 20-Jan-13 18:28:28

Don't beat yourself up over it, they'll be fine and will soon warm up. Tell him if you think you made the wrong decision, say you're sorry you were being a bit OTT, and then move on.

BreastmilkNewYearLatte Sun 20-Jan-13 18:29:45

He's not answering his mobile. TBH I don't blame him.

MrsKeithRichards Sun 20-Jan-13 18:29:45

Oh op maybe your anxiety etc has clouded your judgement. He's probably taken the lift, talk to him when gets home. thanks

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Sun 20-Jan-13 18:30:22

I wouldn't worry about it op you did what you thought was best. Personally i would have gone in the car.

13Iggis Sun 20-Jan-13 18:31:23

I wouldn't have been happy either, OP. Depending on the route, buses generally go a lot more slowly than cars. And as they are - er- built like a bus they come off well in accidents.
I don't like the idea of strapping two of you in with one belt - wouldn't the adult just crush the child in the event of an accident?

McNewPants2013 Sun 20-Jan-13 18:31:27

Yanbu. The law is there for a reason.

Thinkingof4 Sun 20-Jan-13 18:33:11

Actually I disagree, bus is safer as a crash has less impact on occupants of bus than car. Assuming relatively low speed bump etc. Dh wearing seatbelt ad holding onto dd is not safe even at low speed. I'm surprised by responses on this thread tbh

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