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AIBU To think that it's rude to assk for something back months after you gave it away ?

(81 Posts)
GrinchAnInch Sun 20-Jan-13 16:03:51

Someone gave something to me a few months ago, it is not something i use all the time but is quite usefull to have and it does get used. They have now asked for it back. I don't want to give it back and i'm not sure if IABU if I say no. I can't pretend I don't have it or that it's broken as they will probably see it in the future. I just find it very rude for them to expect it back and I'm a little cross that they have put me in this position.


jessjessjess Mon 21-Jan-13 09:52:05

Posted too quick. She told mutual friends I had stolen it and she wanted it back! I still had our messages about it where she said she didn't want it and would I like it, and was livid. It ended a friendship.

jessjessjess Mon 21-Jan-13 09:50:36

I would say: "Oh, have you forgotten, you said we could keep it."

I did once fall out with someone over a situ like this - I offered to buy an unwanted piece of furniture before she moved abroad temporarily and she never gave me bank derails to pay despite my asking several times.

I would have been fine with her asking for the money or for the item back but she told mutual friends I had stshe wanted it back

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Mon 21-Jan-13 09:41:37

It's also annoying when you think you've given something away and recipient thought it was a loan.'
(looks mournfully at high chair that I thought NDN had taken off my hands)

OP, I can see why you are annoyed but they may be aware it's only used occasionally by you and they want to pass it onto someone with a more ongoing need eg a toddler.

2littlemonkeys Mon 21-Jan-13 09:18:23

Lend it them and say once you've finished can I have it back as after all you where going to throw it out. :-)

flow4 Mon 21-Jan-13 05:15:05

I reckon you're right, cumfy . It is sad... And stupid. How can any thing be worth more than a relationship with your mother, or daughter... Or anyone you care about, IMO.

Softlysoftly Mon 21-Jan-13 02:27:35

I don't think it's automatically rude to ask for something back. Had they called and said "I know we gave it to you but we are suddenly pregnant again and strapped for cash and I know you only use it infrequently, would you mind? " them I think that's fair enough.

In this case its the fact no only I were they going to skip it but you suspect it's being taken back and given to someone else that's very rude.

Thumbwitch Mon 21-Jan-13 02:13:52

Just goes to show that you have to be careful when accepting "gifts" off people. If they had skipped it like they said they were going to, they wouldn't have got it back - so in reality they shouldn't expect to get it back off of you either.

However, I can see that it's not worth the hassle to you so yes, give it back to them, but in future neither take nor give them anything else - saves hassle.

I was lent and given a lot of stuff when DS was born 5y ago - I checked with each person what was a gift and what was a loan. Then when we moved abroad when DS1 was 20mo, I checked again - because I was taking the gifts with me for whenever we had another DC and wasn't going to bloody post them back! Luckily for me, no one was arsey about any of it - but one of the lenders did say I could buy the stuff off her and keep it. I checked prices on ebay and ended up giving her about £25 for all of it, which was bargainous.

Your friends are cheeky feckers, yes.

cumfy Mon 21-Jan-13 01:48:12

flow that's sad, maybe they both thought the other valued the relationship less than the rug ?

flow4 Mon 21-Jan-13 01:32:12

My grandma gave her daughter a Persian rug. A proper one, worth thousands. One day some years later, she asked for it back. They argued about whether it was given or lent. And they never spoke to each other again.

Not once, in all the forty-odd remaining years of my grandma's life.

A fucking rug.

My grandma and my aunt obviously believed their relationship was worth less than that rug. How little or much is your friendship worth, OP?

ChaoticintheNewYear Mon 21-Jan-13 01:27:51


They are being rude. Seeing as their alternative would have been to skip it it's obvious that they gave it to you outright.

I'd be tempted to charge them storage fees minus a small percentage for the times you've used it wink

PenelopeLane Mon 21-Jan-13 01:18:59

YANBU. I've been in this situation a couple of times and found it really annoying - but now I always make sure to give someone a token of thanks - or a small amount of money (depending on what feels appropriate) when they give me something as then it feels more concrete. For example took a friend out for dinner to say thanks for some baby clothes, gave someone else lots of chocolate, and gave my sister money for some clothes. No-one I've done that for has ever asked for something back.

TalkativeJim Mon 21-Jan-13 01:18:40

Spray it a hideous colour before they come to get it.

cumfy Mon 21-Jan-13 01:14:16

OK, not a kidney, nor indeed the Astrakhan Coat.

I was very worried for a moment.

My prediction is you will survive this crisis. <stares mysteriously into crystal ball>

qo Mon 21-Jan-13 01:11:32

"If it is a kidney then YANBU" :D :D

cumfy Mon 21-Jan-13 01:09:39

Is it the Astrakhan Coat ?


trixymalixy Sun 20-Jan-13 22:33:56

It's a bit off,I would be grumbling a bit too, but you can't refuse to give it back to them.

ivanapoo Sun 20-Jan-13 22:29:56

I would say its irritating rather than rude so YAB a bit U. You got the use of something for free without any inconvenience to you I presume. You didn't have to accept it so I am assuming you find it useful.

A relative gave us something worth a few hundred quid. We paid for a courier to bring it to our house as it was too large to fit in our car. They asked for it back a few months later as their circumstances had changed. Bit annoying but we benefited from it for those months so can't complain.

FeeFoo Sun 20-Jan-13 22:21:11

Just to pitch in my pennies worth Grinch, YANBU. Definitely give back though and think nothing more of it, they must be feeling fairly awkward!? Either way, its not worth losing any sleep over.

ProphetOfDoom Sun 20-Jan-13 22:21:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LineRunner Sun 20-Jan-13 22:13:52

Yes it is rude, if it is as you say.

And I wouldn't want to friends with rude people. I've got enough shit going on.

GrinchAnInch Sun 20-Jan-13 22:08:24

Thanks faustina but sadly I am nowhere near you.

I'm so pleased it's not just me that feels it's rude grin

rainbow2000 Sun 20-Jan-13 22:07:34

Id give it back but wouldnt accept anything off them again.How can you be ungracious when these people have a neck like a jockeys bollocks,they have no shame

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Sun 20-Jan-13 21:57:41

Some people are very odd, some of the replies are weeeeeeeelllll strange grin

Of course YANBU they GAVE it to you, it was you or the skip. No misunderstanding. No longer theirs.

It is rude to ask for it back.

I would give it back, but it would affect how I feel about them, a lot. So maybe NewNN is right grin

faustina Sun 20-Jan-13 21:44:16

grinch, if you're anywhere near suffolk I have one doing absolutely nothing that you can have forever! PM me

SanityClause Sun 20-Jan-13 21:38:23


It is rude to give something, then ask for it back. I think you are doing the right thing by returning it, as refusing would seem a bit OTT. But they are the rude ones, not you, and I'm a bit amazed that people are calling you things like ungracious, when actually you are being very gracious by giving it back without any carping or fuss!

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