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AIBU To think that it's rude to assk for something back months after you gave it away ?

(81 Posts)
GrinchAnInch Sun 20-Jan-13 16:03:51

Someone gave something to me a few months ago, it is not something i use all the time but is quite usefull to have and it does get used. They have now asked for it back. I don't want to give it back and i'm not sure if IABU if I say no. I can't pretend I don't have it or that it's broken as they will probably see it in the future. I just find it very rude for them to expect it back and I'm a little cross that they have put me in this position.


newNN Sun 20-Jan-13 18:35:14

I would actually consider it worth falling out over, because it would annoy me every time I saw them, so the friendship would be affected regardless of whether you keep it or give it back. So you might as well keep it.

Mintyy Sun 20-Jan-13 18:36:00

I don't think its rude. You sound rather ungracious and ungrateful tbh.

BuiltForComfort Sun 20-Jan-13 18:41:43

Can you borrow it from them in future? If you use it occasionally then get them to store it and just get back on loan when you want.

GrinchAnInch Sun 20-Jan-13 18:46:03

Why ungracious and ungreatful ? I was grateful when they gave it to me. I do find it quite weird that people think it's ok to give something away then ask for it back. I have given them stuff too but wouldn't dream of asking for it back even when I could of really used it. would you think it was ok to ask for a gift back ?

MrsMushroom Sun 20-Jan-13 21:15:29

It doesn't sound like you're desperate for it. Shut the door when you want the dog out of the way and decorate when the kids aren't in.

mercibucket Sun 20-Jan-13 21:30:50

They've used you as free storage
It is rude to ask for it back, but the right thing to do is to give it back. Unless you want to give it to someone else asap just to annoy them. Or throw it in a skip

SanityClause Sun 20-Jan-13 21:38:23


It is rude to give something, then ask for it back. I think you are doing the right thing by returning it, as refusing would seem a bit OTT. But they are the rude ones, not you, and I'm a bit amazed that people are calling you things like ungracious, when actually you are being very gracious by giving it back without any carping or fuss!

faustina Sun 20-Jan-13 21:44:16

grinch, if you're anywhere near suffolk I have one doing absolutely nothing that you can have forever! PM me

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Sun 20-Jan-13 21:57:41

Some people are very odd, some of the replies are weeeeeeeelllll strange grin

Of course YANBU they GAVE it to you, it was you or the skip. No misunderstanding. No longer theirs.

It is rude to ask for it back.

I would give it back, but it would affect how I feel about them, a lot. So maybe NewNN is right grin

rainbow2000 Sun 20-Jan-13 22:07:34

Id give it back but wouldnt accept anything off them again.How can you be ungracious when these people have a neck like a jockeys bollocks,they have no shame

GrinchAnInch Sun 20-Jan-13 22:08:24

Thanks faustina but sadly I am nowhere near you.

I'm so pleased it's not just me that feels it's rude grin

LineRunner Sun 20-Jan-13 22:13:52

Yes it is rude, if it is as you say.

And I wouldn't want to friends with rude people. I've got enough shit going on.

ProphetOfDoom Sun 20-Jan-13 22:21:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FeeFoo Sun 20-Jan-13 22:21:11

Just to pitch in my pennies worth Grinch, YANBU. Definitely give back though and think nothing more of it, they must be feeling fairly awkward!? Either way, its not worth losing any sleep over.

ivanapoo Sun 20-Jan-13 22:29:56

I would say its irritating rather than rude so YAB a bit U. You got the use of something for free without any inconvenience to you I presume. You didn't have to accept it so I am assuming you find it useful.

A relative gave us something worth a few hundred quid. We paid for a courier to bring it to our house as it was too large to fit in our car. They asked for it back a few months later as their circumstances had changed. Bit annoying but we benefited from it for those months so can't complain.

trixymalixy Sun 20-Jan-13 22:33:56

It's a bit off,I would be grumbling a bit too, but you can't refuse to give it back to them.

cumfy Mon 21-Jan-13 01:09:39

Is it the Astrakhan Coat ?


qo Mon 21-Jan-13 01:11:32

"If it is a kidney then YANBU" :D :D

cumfy Mon 21-Jan-13 01:14:16

OK, not a kidney, nor indeed the Astrakhan Coat.

I was very worried for a moment.

My prediction is you will survive this crisis. <stares mysteriously into crystal ball>

TalkativeJim Mon 21-Jan-13 01:18:40

Spray it a hideous colour before they come to get it.

PenelopeLane Mon 21-Jan-13 01:18:59

YANBU. I've been in this situation a couple of times and found it really annoying - but now I always make sure to give someone a token of thanks - or a small amount of money (depending on what feels appropriate) when they give me something as then it feels more concrete. For example took a friend out for dinner to say thanks for some baby clothes, gave someone else lots of chocolate, and gave my sister money for some clothes. No-one I've done that for has ever asked for something back.

ChaoticintheNewYear Mon 21-Jan-13 01:27:51


They are being rude. Seeing as their alternative would have been to skip it it's obvious that they gave it to you outright.

I'd be tempted to charge them storage fees minus a small percentage for the times you've used it wink

flow4 Mon 21-Jan-13 01:32:12

My grandma gave her daughter a Persian rug. A proper one, worth thousands. One day some years later, she asked for it back. They argued about whether it was given or lent. And they never spoke to each other again.

Not once, in all the forty-odd remaining years of my grandma's life.

A fucking rug.

My grandma and my aunt obviously believed their relationship was worth less than that rug. How little or much is your friendship worth, OP?

cumfy Mon 21-Jan-13 01:48:12

flow that's sad, maybe they both thought the other valued the relationship less than the rug ?

Thumbwitch Mon 21-Jan-13 02:13:52

Just goes to show that you have to be careful when accepting "gifts" off people. If they had skipped it like they said they were going to, they wouldn't have got it back - so in reality they shouldn't expect to get it back off of you either.

However, I can see that it's not worth the hassle to you so yes, give it back to them, but in future neither take nor give them anything else - saves hassle.

I was lent and given a lot of stuff when DS was born 5y ago - I checked with each person what was a gift and what was a loan. Then when we moved abroad when DS1 was 20mo, I checked again - because I was taking the gifts with me for whenever we had another DC and wasn't going to bloody post them back! Luckily for me, no one was arsey about any of it - but one of the lenders did say I could buy the stuff off her and keep it. I checked prices on ebay and ended up giving her about £25 for all of it, which was bargainous.

Your friends are cheeky feckers, yes.

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