Advanced search

AIBU To think that it's rude to assk for something back months after you gave it away ?

(81 Posts)
GrinchAnInch Sun 20-Jan-13 16:03:51

Someone gave something to me a few months ago, it is not something i use all the time but is quite usefull to have and it does get used. They have now asked for it back. I don't want to give it back and i'm not sure if IABU if I say no. I can't pretend I don't have it or that it's broken as they will probably see it in the future. I just find it very rude for them to expect it back and I'm a little cross that they have put me in this position.


chanie44 Sun 20-Jan-13 16:23:02

Unless they specifically said 'it's yours forever' it falls into a grey area and therefore you should give it back as they may have assumed it was a loan.

I do think it is a bit mean to ask for it back if they clearly gave it to you, but then if you have benefitted from using this item for free then maybe you need to suck it up and give it back.

Is there any way you could share it as you said you don't use it all the time.

fluffyraggies Sun 20-Jan-13 16:23:29

Is it a sex toy? wink

ripsishere Sun 20-Jan-13 16:25:00

or a mooncup?

ripsishere Sun 20-Jan-13 16:25:33

Although if it was destined for a skip, you'd need to have a bucket fanny.

diddl Sun 20-Jan-13 16:26:03

Well if you don´t need it it won´t really be a problem to give it back, will it?

Perhaps they now have a use for it/someone wants to buy it/they want to sell it.

Allice Sun 20-Jan-13 16:26:06

I think if I were you I would give it back but I'd be mightily pissed off.

Is it the kind of thing you could ask for on Freecycle? If it's a bulky item others might be looking to get rid of one too.

atacareercrossroads Sun 20-Jan-13 16:30:32

A coffee table?

GrinchAnInch Sun 20-Jan-13 16:32:30

No it's not a major problem to give back but I still think it's rude to give something away then months later say "you know that thing we gave you, well we have a use for it now so would like it back please"

As I said i am going to give it back, and forget the whole thing (except everytime I could use it and have to do without) grin

FairhairedandFrustrated Sun 20-Jan-13 16:32:32

Is it a seasonal thing?

And they've discovered they really need it now?

StillSmilingAfterAllTheseYears Sun 20-Jan-13 16:33:27

YANBU but ime it s easiest to give it back and never EVER accept from them again.

IslaValargeone Sun 20-Jan-13 16:36:59

We experienced something similar.
My fridge broke and someone said we could have their old one, six months later they were having a barbecue and wanted the fridge back to store the extra food and drink for the party.

HecateWhoopass Sun 20-Jan-13 16:44:16

grin fair enough.

But be happy with your choice.

don't do it and resent it.

Or make quips when you're round their house and they give you a cup of tea

"Now, are you sure you're giving this to me? Because I don't want to drink it and then you ask for it back..."


PercyClarke Sun 20-Jan-13 16:46:20

I think you are BU, actually.

Hmmm... I would probably not have asked for it back if I was your friend because I'd have felt I was being a bit cheeky.

BUT I am shock that you would even consider refusing to return it. They gave it to you free of charge, you've had loads of use out of it and it's an non-essential but nice to have item- this has been a pretty good deal for you. I get that it's annoying, but I don't understand how you'd think that you'd have the moral highground if you refused to return it. They did you a favour - now you're doing one for's how friendship works.

It's not like they've turned up demanding back the breastpump which you need to feed your prem baby in an incubator and you won't be able to replace it for weeks because all the shops are out of stock and you have had your credit cards frozen.

I do understand that you've decided to return it btw - I'm just expressing shock at the fact that you think that it might be ok not to.

GrinchAnInch Sun 20-Jan-13 16:55:44

Thanks for all your comments.

Ok I'll tell you what it is, It's a tall stairgate. we use it to keep the dog (and kids) off wet paint when decorating and also to stop the dog getting out the kitchen or scratching the door when our friends kids are here who don't like the dog. I'm not sure why they want it as they have no animals or small children. i think they have given it to someone else. anyway they are coming to get it in the week and i will keep an eye out on freecycle.

Booyhoo Sun 20-Jan-13 16:59:19

could they be pregnant? or their grown up dcs be pregnant?

Booyhoo Sun 20-Jan-13 16:59:58

or getting a dog?

PercyClarke Sun 20-Jan-13 17:12:10

Maybe they're expecting a grandchild or they know a struggling young family with who have a tiny baby and zero cash who really need it.

I wouldn't expect them to be saying "Oh, we can't get that one back from GrinchAnInch because she needs it to keep the dog off the wet paint when she's decorating" hmm

Actually scratch all the possible scenarios justification. It doesn't matter what they need it for. It's annoying for you, sure, but you've had a good - free - useage of it. Now they want it back. So give it back and stop carping about what brass-necked feckers they are.

GrinchAnInch Sun 20-Jan-13 18:01:30

I was hardly carping on Percy and have accepted it must be returned but I still find it rude to give something away then ask for it back so i guess IABU !

Pigsmummy Sun 20-Jan-13 18:13:07

Is it a kidney?

angelttc91 Sun 20-Jan-13 18:16:58

No you ANBU, it's damn right rude to ask for something back you gave away. Especially months later! Cheeky so and so, I've had this happen myself and told them where to go

greenpostit Sun 20-Jan-13 18:17:15

Yanbu - very rude to ask for something back unless it was specifically borrowed rather to given away.

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 20-Jan-13 18:20:02

I don't think YABU.

I do think you're doing the right thing in giving it back. They sound like arses.

HerRoyalNotness Sun 20-Jan-13 18:22:32

No, YANBU! They were going to PUT iT IN THE SKIP! (yes I'm shouting). If you hadn't taken it, would they be down the rubbish dump trying to find it?

I find it very obnoxious to ask for things back when given away even though I didn't that with a watch I hastily gave away, didn't push the point or get it back

maddening Sun 20-Jan-13 18:23:43

Yanbu to feel it is rude - but now they have asked it is best as you are doing - no point falling out over it.

newNN Sun 20-Jan-13 18:33:29

I wouldn't give it back. If they don't worry about offending you by asking for something that they had given to you (the clue is in the word 'given') , then why should you worry about offending them by saying no fuck off.

They haven't done you a favour at all. I gave my friend a load of baby stuff after I had dc2. I didn't ask for it back once I was pg with dc3, because I'd given it to her.

I would tell them that I would let them have it once I was done with it!

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: