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Friend wants dinner and housework before I can have newborn cuddles...

(264 Posts)
Sal77 Sun 20-Jan-13 11:40:30

My close friend has recently had a baby. I went round to see her after she'd got out of hospital with a lasagne I'd cooked for them for dinner. When I arrived I was given a piece of paper with a list of chores and told to choose one (I did some hoovering whilst she sat on the sofa with the baby, her DH was at the gym she said). It was a little awkward. Only after that could I have a look/cuddle of the baby.

Now, don't get me wrong, I understand having a newborn baby is hard work and I'm happy to help out (I also bought the bump Christmas presents, birthday presents and arranged the baby shower before baby was born). I didn't mind cooking her and her DH dinner, but I feel as though being asked to do housework on arrival was a bit rude given I'd already done dinner...

My friend did mention before the baby arrived about her idea to only allow guests over if they bring dinner and do chores but I didn't think she was that serious about it... And of course I don't mind helping out with babysitting and cooking dinners... But I did think it very rude to ask me to hoover too...


HecateWhoopass Sun 20-Jan-13 11:41:27


IDontDoIroning Sun 20-Jan-13 11:42:41

I don't think so given that you brought a meal. Also why is she asking you to Hoover when the baby's df is out at the gym.

TidyDancer Sun 20-Jan-13 11:43:03

Yes she is rude. Her baby is not the messiah and there should not be an entry fee.

It's one thing to accept an offer of housework, quite another to demand it.

And her husband waltzes to the gym whilst guests clean their house? They've got it made hmm

wanderingcloud Sun 20-Jan-13 11:43:42

I'm hovering on the fence, on the one hand I'd be right put out being expected to do chores on arrival at a friends, new born or not.

but I admire your friend for having the guts to do it!

upanddown83 Sun 20-Jan-13 11:43:54

I think that is so rude if people offer to help that's great but u cannot expect people who come to visit to do chores in return for a cuddle of the newborn. I'm 23weeks at min and would not expect this of snyone who comes to visit when baby is born!

TraineeBabyCatcher Sun 20-Jan-13 11:44:00

[Shock] wow. I'd be stunned and not bother going round again till she gave it up.

Petsinmypudenda Sun 20-Jan-13 11:44:28

genius. im going tell all future guests they have to mop my floor or do the dishes before tea is offered.
if i cook them dinner they have to do the ironing.

ElphabaTheGreen Sun 20-Jan-13 11:44:46

Cheeky mare. I know I'd far rather let a good friend coo over my newborn than worry about the vacuuming, especially if she'd brought a meal!!

Cheeky, cheeky mare. YANBU at all.

thebody Sun 20-Jan-13 11:45:22

Oh dear.. She needs to get over herself. You can Hoover after giving birth, most of us have too.

She sounds a wee bit spoilt and although her new born is probably wonderful to her it's just a baby and we have all had them.

Back off op or you will become a babysitting service and cleaner.

GetOrf Sun 20-Jan-13 11:45:29

Your friend is a monumental twat. I would have hoovered her head.

TwelveLeggedWalk Sun 20-Jan-13 11:45:32

Is this a reverse AIBU? Only I've seen LOADS Of posts on here saying "only let guests in if they bring you food and do useful stuff!". Or she's an MNer and is taking that very literally!

StraightTalkinSheila Sun 20-Jan-13 11:46:16

Ungrateful mare. You were nice enough to take dinner over too. She is extracting the urine. Majorly.

CremeEggThief Sun 20-Jan-13 11:46:26

I'd let it go as a one-off, but I don't blame you at all for feeling put-out.


frasersmummy Sun 20-Jan-13 11:46:30

one parent at the gym while a friend makes dinner and does the housework !!!

nice !!!

ResolutelyCheeky Sun 20-Jan-13 11:46:48

What? Really? Worth having another 4 years of sleepless nights to get someone else to do all the housework....come on dh, you have work to do!

SolomanDaisy Sun 20-Jan-13 11:46:58

She probably got the idea on MN.

The presents/baby shower are irrelevant. You took dinner, very thoughtful.

I don't think hers is the worst idea, having dashed around making tea for thoughtless taunts when I had dd I was very clear on my need for tea, & the requirement for guests to bring chocolate/pasties etc with ds. But she is being cheeky in the implementation & rude as you'd brought dinner.

I did leave dinner on friend's doorstep on snowy Friday, she got out of hospital on Thursday with dd. I will happily do more chores when I visit, but leaving them alone <smug> for now.

Wonder when the chore requirement cut off will be? Hehe, could I get away with it? Dd is 3 & ds 10 months!


NoelHeadbands Sun 20-Jan-13 11:47:08

I'm sure she thinks she's being smart and endearingly assertive. In time she'll realise she was being a bit of a twat.

lalabaloo Sun 20-Jan-13 11:47:21

I think the problem is people on MN are encouraged to get people to bring dinners and help with housework when they have a baby, sounds like she has taken it a bit far. When I had DS I was very grateful of dinners and if any visitors asked what they could do to help I asked if they wouldn't mind doing some hoovering/washing up etc but I wouldn't have told people to do it I just might not have invited them back until baby was older

LPplusOne Sun 20-Jan-13 11:47:50

Smart new mum.

Schnarkle Sun 20-Jan-13 11:48:16

this stuff is often trotted out on here as the best way to deal with visitors. Not surprising someone has encountered it. Rude beyond belief. It would be the last house visit I would ever make to that friend.

HollyBerryBush Sun 20-Jan-13 11:48:31

Well, normally when people visist to see a newborn, they expect to sit on the sofa whilst the mother runs around making coffee, providing cake etc etc - I think this is a brilliant idea!

How many times on MN do we see stressed, tired mothers posting that the whole caboodle is left to them and the advice is: ask for help - this mother is organised enough to ask for help and she gets slated.

I conclude the only option is: don't visit or help and no one can be mortally offended> then we can have some good 'I'm so isolated' threads and we can call all the mothers friends and family utter shits!

maddening Sun 20-Jan-13 11:48:33

I think she's taken the "and make sure.any visitors help out etc etc" advise a bit too literally.

I take it you're v close so would brush it off as newborn silliness.

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