To tell them to find their own way to the airport in a foreign country(591 Posts)
First of all, sorry, long story and first world problem.
DH, DCs and i live abroad for DH's job. We live in a rented house close to DH's work as it is not really easy for foreigners to buy property where he works. I miss England and our lovely home there, so last year DH bought me a Ski Chalet as a birthday present / thank you for leaving your family and job in England to follow me around the world, present. He insisted it was my chalet, i could decorate it how i wanted etc, do what i wanted with it.
The chalet is in a fabulous ski resort and to me it is very much our home. We spend most weekends there, we do not rent it out as a holiday chalet.
Last year MIL asked whether HSIL and her uni flat mates could visit for a weeks snowboarding holiday. I was reluctant to agree. DH's does not really know his HSis and when she has visited us in other homes she has been very messy (straightens hair over sink leaving behind lots of hair etc etc) and she never helps out at all. Reluctantly i agreed, MIL insisted her friends were nice and they would help out and babysit DCs in exchange for free board.
HSIL and her friends booked plane tickets which meant they landed late at night with no way of getting to the chalet so DH drove a 6 hour round trip to collect them from the airport.
They have been here all week and as i guessed, have been hard work. They have done nothing to help out around the house, not bothered to help with dinner or clean away afterwards, not helped with DCs or bothed to even buy me a bunch if flowers or some chocs to say thank you for having them. We all eat together but they talk amongst themselves and make little conversation.
On Wednesday DH was called back to work with a crisis, leaving DCs, myself and HSIL and her friends. Since then they have been worse, going out at night and getting drunk and returning at 2/3am and waking DCs and i with their noise. Last night things worsened. DCs and i were woken at 3am, i could hear male voices and smelt cigarette smoke. Our house is strictly non smoking, especially as we have a baby. I went into the lounge and interrupted the party. I asked the young men to stop smoking in my home and to please leave as i didn't know who they were. The young men were local lads and were very apologetic for smoking and waking us and explained they didn't know it was a private home. As they left one of HSIL's friends, under her breath, called me a snotty cow. I turned around and politely challeneged her on her comment. She repeated it and called me an old hag too (34 BTW, she is 20).
I went back to bed fuming and in tears. This morning i woke them all up at 8.00am. They are due to fly back home tonight and i assume were expecting DH or me to take them to the airport. I explained that because DH was not here and because we had had a lot of snow lately and the minibus was snowed in, they could make their own way back to the airport via public transport. I was not driving them 6 hours round trip. They had 12 hours to get back to the airport themselves. The journey is a bus and two train rides and takes a total of 3.5 / 4 hours. An hour later i heard the door bang and went to their rooms. They have left and take all their stuff. They have not said good bye. The room where the two girls were sleeping has been trashed. Make up; lipstick, foundation and other stuff has been smeared into my beautiful new White Company bed sheets. It doesn't look like an accident as it is on all the pillows, duvet and sheet.
I phoned DH at work and told him what had happened. It was a broken line and DH was v. busy at work so i know he wasn't really aware of the whole story as it was hardto talk. But he questioned whether i had checked they had money to get to the airport and whether the trains were running. I hadn't. I have checked since and the trains are running. But have i done the right thing? AIBU?
Ok have taken photos of the bedding. I have written an email to MIl and saved it as draft. I have no idea how to download the photos and attach them but at least i have them as back up. Have kept the email brief, explained they were rude and unhelpful (not as promised). I have not asked MIL for money for the sheets, am waiting for her to offer. Mmm will send it now
Give your DH some credit, though!
I bet he picked up on the flirting, but wasn't such an arse to respond in kind!
Don't forget to bill them or your MIL for damages to your property.
Why bill MIL? I'd ask her to pass the bill on to SIL, who did the damage.
No doubt you will be painted as the unreasonable one to your mil, so I would take photos of the damage and send them to her ASAP, and phone her this morning. That is such appalling behaviour it makes me very sad on your behalf. I remember at university some 'friends' trashing our house because they were drunk. One of them was sick all over our furniture, all over the floor, in the living room, hallway, stairs and landing. No apology, no attempt to clear it up, nothing. I was told that I should feel sorry for her. Errr, no. Our friendship never recovered. People who have no respect for people's property certainly don't deserve any favours.
I wouldn't bang on about them being unhelpful, but definitely explain about the rudeness and wilful destruction of property.
I am so glad you didn't take them to the airport. YANBU. Entitled brats. I hope your MIL gives them hell when she knows the circumstances.
Disgraceful. I would have kicked them out in the middle of the night.
Do you have HSIL's email address? If so, I'd email her and leave MIL out of it for now - HSIL is 20, old enough to be responsible for her own actions. But have the pictures ready to show MIL if she ends up getting involved.
Rude rude rude ... I hope the plane is delayed and they are diverted . I also hope your MIl sees your side. They have had a free holiday in your house without even offering thanks , plus they have trashed it ..horrible people .
I sort of see stokes' point but mil seemed to have foisted sil so I would start there.
Yanbu- my holiday home is my nest that is full of things I love so don't want other people in it let alone behaving like this. We have got quite robust in saying no even to family.
I agree with stokes. Threaten small claims court, send and invoice to hsil for nice new bed linen and cleaning etc. inflate the price as you won't get the real cost. Did they pay for food etc? if mil gets involved saying what delightful people hsil and friends are you can show the pictures. bitches.
MIL has to take some responsibility because she took it upon herself to ask you if they could come instead of letting HSIL sort it out herself like an adult! However 20 is more than old enough to know you should treat someone's home with more respect than that. Hideous behaviour from them. It's also more than old enough to be responsible for organising how to get themselves where they need to go without relying on grown ups to do it for them!
I really feel for you, you must feel like your lovely home has been violated . Unfortunately I think largely you are going to have to put it down to experience. Let MIL know what happened by all means but it's not worth kicking off a huge family row over it. They are gone. I'm guessing they wont get a return invite so it's not going to happen again. Concentrate on getting your home straightened out again. When it is I think you'll feel better.
I would email SiL and copy in MiL (because she arranged it).
I hope you got home safely. It is going to take a cleaner x hours at £x per hour to restore my home to its usual state. The sheets you/your friends have damaged will cost £x. Given that you have arranged this trip, I would like you to pay me directly. You can then sort it out with your friends if appropriate.
take photos and send a bill. These are nasty, destructive, thieving little bitches and need a lesson. Refuse ever to see them again.
As for getting to the airport - they'll be fine. Even if they weren't it would be no loss.
YANBU letting them get to the airport themselves. I wouldn't have done anything more than offered advice/allowed Internet access to look it up even if they had behaved themselves..
1) Send HSIL a bill for the damage (brand new sheets, pillowcases, anything else they ruined) and CC your MIL on the email.
2) Make it clear that they will never be welcome again.
And put it down to experience. It sounds utterly horrible, but then having house guests can be hard work even when they're invited and you like them! That's the problem with having a place overseas - people are constantly inviting themselves and saying how they'll be no trouble, but they always are. Harden your heart OP and say 'no' in future to anyone you don't actually know and like. And no, YADNBU! Bitches. I'd have kicked them out at 3am.
What appalling behaviour! I agree with sending them a bill for the bedding and cleaning. Awful.
I would let MIL know exactly what has happened. Make it clear that their already less-than-good behaviour deteriorated drastically in your DH's absence, suggesting that they thought they could get away with it when it was just you on your own.
I would highlight:
Bringing complete strangers into your home in the middle of the night.
Allowing those strangers to smoke in your home.
Verbally abusing you in front of strange men when you were alone with small children - potentially an intimidating situation.
Deliberate vandalism of your property
Their behaviour couldn't have been worse. I would make it clear that your initial reluctance was due to you thinking they would be extra work - you didn't expect to be intimidated and abused in your own home and have them cause deliberate and possibly criminal damage to your property. I would leave MIL in no doubt as to just how furious, horrified and shocked you are about her daughter's conduct.
And then ask her how payment for the damage will be made. It is ultimately the SIL's responsibility but MIL nagged you into having them so I would include her in the discussions about payment. Don't ask IF it will be made - tell her payment is required and that you are willing to give x amount of time for it to be made.
If SIL denies any of it, don't get drawn into arguments about "he said, she said". Just keep repeating "That is completely untrue. I have told you what happened. When can I expect the money SIL owes?"
I would also make it clear right now that absolutely NO other family members will ever be permitted to stay in the chalet as a direct result of SIL's conduct and that you will be having no further contact with SIL in the future because it is quite clear that she has no interest in her brother or his family save for what she can get out of them.
To be honest, I wouldn't bother trying to get them to pay for the damage. You will never see a penny of it and it will just cause more family trouble.
Definitely tell your MIL what happened and tell her that you won't be having any more guests that you don't know and didn't personally invite. But, other than that, in the name of future peace and happiness, I'm afraid you'll just have to save your ire for here and talking to your husband.
I'm sorry you had such a shitty experience.
They have treated you and your home with utter contempt.
In your shoes - that would be the last time I EVER had any of them in my home again.
YANBU - sorry they were so horrible.
i hope you are able to get your home back to normal ASAP
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