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I don't buy/use second hand, ie clothes, electricals, toys, shoes, etc (New to MN)

(243 Posts)
HowTerriblyEngliscOfMe Sun 20-Jan-13 01:08:17

Nor have I ever. Not as a child, not as a teenager, not as an adult and now, not as a parent. If you have the money to not to need to go second hand for things, why are others so disgusted at the concept that you don't? I understand why people do it even when they don't need to, and I know there are plenty of people who don't have any other choice, but why can't people just leave me to it? It's my family, my home and my decision.

It's my mil who gets the most distressed about it. She will go on at me about it every chance she gets and I really don't understand what her problem is. I don't NEED to save that extra few hundred pounds, I don't NEED to buy toys and clothes in charity shops, I don't NEED to buy my electricals from eBay, so what is her problem?

When we started collecting things in preparation of our first child's birth, she was so weirdly mortified that dp and I were going out buying new nursery furniture and clothes, car seat, soft toys etc. She would utterly panic when we would mention that we were researching cots or buggies.

"But this person had a baby last year, you could have theirs! I'm sure they wouldn't mind! Let me get you their number..."

It got worse when dd was born she would come and thrust other peoples old baby clothes at me and continue to suggested people who had things they could give us, or come bringing baby toys from charity shops. Eventually I got so frustrated with it, I just told her outright to stop, quite forcefully actually. But it just continued a few years later when ds was born and it still continues today.

Do people really think IABU? Why? Anyone else out there like me?

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel Sun 20-Jan-13 01:48:38

I never said I had a problem with other people buying things second hand

It got worse when dd was born she would come and thrust other peoples old baby clothes at me and continue to suggested people who had things they could give us, or come bringing baby toys from charity shops. Eventually I got so frustrated with it, I just told her outright to stop, quite forcefully actually.

^ Yes, you did, you have a problem with your MIL buying second hand things for your child.

HowTerriblyEngliscOfMe Sun 20-Jan-13 01:51:01

Second hand things we have received in the past have usually been...umm...politely accepted, but later given to a charity shop.

Lol, as to the people asking about our house. Obviously not all things in life can be brand new, I'm aware of that. I was talking about more general things...clothes, toys, bedding, televisions etc. I have 2 cars, one is brand new, one is an old military land rover brought from my grandfather. Because I thought it was beautiful and very British. I'm not adverse to antique shops either. I just feel as though if I don't really know how something has been used or where it's really been, it makes me feel uncomfortable...

LoopsInHoops - Thankyou for your forgiveness. smile

BunFagFreddie Sun 20-Jan-13 01:53:40

Do whatever makes you feel comfortable. I love quirky retro and vintage stuff so second hand things don't bother me. I only buy things that I like new or used and I see reusing and recycling as a more eco-friendly choice.

Every time we manufacture something new, it costs resouces and relases carbon. Yes, you can pass the item on when you've finished with it, but it's better to just consume less. This is why I reuse, repair, recycle and I've cut down on my consumption, but I don't expect everyone to share my lentil weaving values!

HowTerriblyEngliscOfMe Sun 20-Jan-13 01:53:57

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel - No, sorry, I meant I don't have a problem with other people buying second hand things for themselves or their families...
Shameful though it may seem to some people, I do seem to have a problem with second hands things being given to us.

MurderOfGoths Sun 20-Jan-13 01:54:09

"I just feel as though if I don't really know how something has been used or where it's really been, it makes me feel uncomfortable..."

Clothes can be washed. What are you actually worried about?

LentilAsAnything Sun 20-Jan-13 02:03:05

I think it's fine that you are leaving the second-hand stuff for someone more in need to be able to buy it.
And helping the economy.

SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker Sun 20-Jan-13 02:21:26

I hope you've never been on holiday! Charity shop stuff has nothing on hotel mattresses.

Not entirely sure what the difference between antique and secondhand is.

I don't need to buy anything secondhand. I do so any way.

TinyDancingHoofer Sun 20-Jan-13 02:23:41

YANBU. I don't think anyone has to buy second-hand if they don't want to. And all the stuff you are turning down probably goes to someone who needs it more. You can research new stuff and get the exact thing you want instead of just taking what is on offer. But i do like a good ebay bargain.

recall Sun 20-Jan-13 02:30:30

People do tend to palm off their Baby junk onto expecting Mothers. I have had to recycle bags and bags of the stuff. They usually say "just chuck out anything you don't want" I am too gracious to refuse and just bung it in the Red Cross clothes bin at Tesco on my way past. Saying that, I have found the odd treasure in there.

YANBU, just a bit stroppy about havn't you got anything more interesting to think about ?

HowTerriblyEngliscOfMe Sun 20-Jan-13 02:30:51

I think I haven't really explained myself properly and I've given off the wrong impression. When I say second hand things, I'm not referring to every single thing in my life. I'm mostly talking about what we wear, what my children play with, general household things etc.

I don't have a problem with second hand cars, I love old houses, (the older the better in fact). I have inherited some very old things, and have been given some very old things in the past. Swords, coins, old documents, etc. But I don't feel as though that's the same thing at all.

It's a massive contradiction I know. But my parents were the same way. My grandfather is most certainly the same way. You wouldn't catch him dead in a charity shop, but an museum auction...

That makes my...issue, (because apparently it is one), even weirder doesn't it?

recall Sun 20-Jan-13 02:38:54

just a bit inconsequential

BunFagFreddie Sun 20-Jan-13 02:39:44

To be fair OP. I know what you mean, because I really try to be 'green' and do the right thing. I still don't like it when people palm their junk off onto me and then say to get rid of the stuff I don't want.

It's just laziness disguised as doing you a favour!

TinyDancingHoofer Sun 20-Jan-13 02:41:41

No, i get you. I have an 200yr old bed frame but would never have a second-hand mattress.

lottiegarbanzo Sun 20-Jan-13 02:42:01

Well, I pity your narrow life experience really, that you've only ever been blandly well off and not had the imaginative, perspective-broadening experience of buying and adapting second hand things. This seems to have left you confined to a limited way of living, almost fearful of trying other ways of doing things. Odd (and probably unfair) though that may sound.

But, your MIL would have driven me nuts. It's the interference and busybodying with other people, potentially creating unwanted reciprocal obligations or embarrassing them, apparently on your behalf, that would have irked. I'm sure she was well intentioned and had the wisdom of knowing how very much stuff babies need (and don't) and how much is used for such a short time but, the imposition of her way of doing things on your household is never really acceptable.

Also, I like to research important products and choose the best value, for our purposes. We buy some things new, i can search for the cheapest supplier, with others I am then prepared to look out for exactly the thing I want on eBay and pounce when it comes up. Or, when close family wanted to buy gifts, I had my list ready and they could pick something, of whatever size, that we really wanted. With a pfb and my tendency to research, any old pushchair etc would have felt like a wasted opportunity to get the one I really wanted.

I think what you're doing is very normal though. I have a friend like this. I would say she's a spendthrift, in that she doesn't try to get the best deal and effectively throws money away for the sake of what she perceives as convenience and just out of habit. She sees money as liberty. She did say she wished she'd had the patience and inclination to shop on eBay for baby stuff, as half her expensive top-branded stuff was no better than cheaper alternatives and she slightly envied the people who bought the rest of her stuff on eBay for a fifth of the original price.

HowTerriblyEngliscOfMe Sun 20-Jan-13 02:50:01

Lottie - Its sounds like we actually do some things very similarly... Stage 1, I will find the product I want. Stage 2, I will find the cheapest/best place to buy it. I do love my research. The same product can be ridiculously cheaper in one shop than another, just because I don't buy second hand doesn't mean I just throw money away all the time...

Monty27 Sun 20-Jan-13 02:50:32

Who cares?

Waste your money by all means.

AmIthatWintry Sun 20-Jan-13 04:57:35

Are you YummyMummyYobe in disguise <always thought she did a typo with her name>

Charity shops are for the discerning. You sound.............not so much.. a bit precious actually

FergusSingsTheBlues Sun 20-Jan-13 05:16:26

I cannot walk past a charity shop without going in, but I dont buy essentials like clothes there because i can afford not to. Second hand fridge? No problem. Curtains? Yes please.

Clothes are probably the only thing id want to buy new, and thats because i never chuck anything out so they last forever, and I go shopping fairly rarely so want to be able to choose exactly what I like.

Weissdorn Sun 20-Jan-13 06:21:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Morloth Sun 20-Jan-13 07:02:42

It's your money, I don't give a damn what you do with it.

I have plenty of money and I intend to continue having plenty of money and one way to do that is to do things on the cheap where it is possible.

JusticeCrab Sun 20-Jan-13 07:12:23

Certain things are much better to have new, but with other things - vintage clothes, books - buying only new means missing out.

There's a difference between 2nd hand stuff which is clearly tat and 2nd hand stuff which is vair naice vintage stuff (beware, however, the vintage shops who prey on people who don't know the difference!). Saying that, our most recent non-essential household purchase was a knackered old gramophone, so I'm not entirely sure I'm worth listening to on this subject.

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops Sun 20-Jan-13 07:21:45

No YANBU, but your MIL is.

She's very rude and judgey; once she realised you don't like secondhand she should drop the subject.

Awkward for you, as you don't want to fall out with her. Good luck!

HecateWhoopass Sun 20-Jan-13 07:26:41

It doesn't matter. You don't HAVE to and it's not actually any form of slur or attack on people who do! grin

Just carry on saying no.

Does your mother in law use charity shops for herself? I'm betting that she's taking your refusal to have second hand goods as some sort of attack upon her.

Some people are REALLY weird like that. They get huffy if you don't want for yourself something that they have/like/do. As if by saying you don't want it - you are saying they are wrong or criticising them. hmm They often can't seem to keep the two separate.

You feeling that second hand goods are not what you want is NOT the same as saying that you think you are better than those who buy or accept second hand things. If your mother in law is seeing an attack upon her then frankly that's her problem.

I suggest you just keep it polite. Stop mentioning intended purchases and stuff like that (that's just tacky anyway wink ). If she brings it up, be vague and non committal. If she goes on the attack about it, nicely tell her that you will make your own choices and you expect her to respect that.

ll31 Sun 20-Jan-13 07:30:30

yanbu, am quite similar, dont like 2nd hand stuff...each to their own

ChristmasJubilee Sun 20-Jan-13 07:36:48

One of my greatest pleasures in life is being given a black bin bag of clothes for the ds's. I go through it, give anything I don't want to the charity shop and buy a few new items to create "outfits". I have, on many occasions, had comments on how well dressed my ds's are. I have also bought a black bin bag of clothes and would buy more if I could get the right sizes. I always buy in sales and rarely pay full price for anything.

However everyone to their own. Your money your choice. I don't think YABU.

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