To ask why people co sleep?(246 Posts)
It seems quite popular on here, but all advice I see is not to. So, why do people still do it, when they follow other advice to the letter?
I think at 9 months, I would just keep putting her to my side.
She won't like it very much and may well yell, but you will not be ignoring her needs, just her wants.
I always figured if I was doing everything I could for them and they were still yelling, then they would just have to get over it.
Sorry to hijack thread but there seem to be a lot of people here with experience of cosleeping. My DD is now 9 months and while I am happy to continue cosleeping she really still only wants to lie on top of me rather than beside. What can I do? As she's getting heavier my back is suffering. Also she seems to want to be latched on all night. Actually the last 2 nights have been a lot better for both but until Monday I felt like I was going mad. We bought a cotbed from ebay and are picking it up tonight so at least will have the option to attempt cot sleeping if it gets bad again.
My dd was 100% BF, never coslept, weaned at 5 months, weaned off breast at 1 year - blah de blah. I read all the books and stuck to all the "rules".
My ds was very poorly at birth, slipped into a coma within hours and would have died if I hadn't raised the alarm. He would have been recorded as a "cot death" because his condition was undetectable after death. He has taught me that every child needs a different parenting style. He was hospital-bound for 3.5 months and had severe reflux when he came home. He was in constant pain and needed his mummy to cuddle him through the worst parts. I had read all the guidance and had almost lost him many times previously but at times we needed to cosleep as lack of sleep made his condition worse and his anxiety levels were already high from so many months in hospital. Cosleeping is a wonderful, loving experience but, like his sister, he soon got to the stage of using mummy like a trampoline and was ushered into his own cot.
I'm so sorry for anyone who has lost a child, however it happened. It must be heartbreaking when you see people doing something and having healthy babies despite that. My friend lost her 3 year old in a car crash despite being in a proper car seat etc. She has to watch people drive by with children on booster seats and wonder why not them. Unfortunately life deals some shitty hands. I hope that you can come to terms with your loss. I would probably not cosleep at all in your situation, I couldn't do it. You can buy cots that attach to your bed so that they can sleep in that with your arm over them as a compromise. Thinking of you tonight. x
Having baby in a seperate cot, and in a seperate room even, is a strictly western phenomenon and fairly new practise. Some babies sleep fine on their own in a cot, most don't though. The guilt and worry placed on parents because of government guidelines I think is unnecessary. There is actually lots of evidence to suggest that cosleeping lowers cot death risks. Breathing facing your baby may trigger a breathing reflex, and sleeping in arms reach keeps babies cortisol levels stable.
Co sleeping is dangerous when parents are sitting on sofas/chairs/heavy bedding, when they are smoking or have drunk alcohol. These are what have skewed SIDS statistics, when looking at babies that have died that were sleeping on a parent. If the parents weren't exhausted, because hey weren't up all night rocking a newborn that didn't want to sleep on its own because of fears of having the baby in bed with them, the risks of falling asleep in unsuitable places would be lower.
Co sleeping also makes breastfeeding much easier and parents less tired. You learn to latch baby on and feed without fully waking up.
I decided the slight increase in risk of SIDS was less than the risk that I'd fall asleep on a sofa with him during the day (which is definitely risky from what I could gather) or have some sleep-deprivation-related accident. To get DS to sleep anywhere else would have required leaving him to cry.
The FSID claim that co-sleeping following the guidelines does increase the risk of SIDS slightly, but certainly at the time, I could never actually find the evidence they based that on on their website. Most of the studies around conflate cosleeping following the guidelines with other forms of bed sharing, sleeping on sofas etc. so it's very hard to find out the true picture.
I'm not sure I really enjoyed cosleeping though. It's lovely when you wake up together in the morning, but not much sleeping happened and I hated not being able to move without waking DS up.
I'm so sorry for the losses mentioned on the thread.
I'm a slightly reluctant co-sleeper, but I'm now extremely grateful for it. It's no exaggeration to say that it's keeping dd alive.
She was always a poor sleeper and would always spend part of the night in my bed having started off in the bedside cot. Eventually she spent the whole night in with me. She also feeds quite a lot at night (like now).
By the time she was a year old I was pretty fed up and was tempted to take action of some sort to stop the night feeds. She was such a poor eater, though, that I could never face depriving her of the calories.
We found out on Christmas Eve that she has cancer. The reason she wouldn't eat was that the tumour was practically filling her abdomen and leaving no space for her tummy. Since starting chemo she has survived more or less on breast milk alone.
If I hadn't coslept she would probably have given up night feeds -- or I'd have chosen to be tough about that as well. Then my milk supply woyld likely have dwindled. Then she would be literally starving now.
I'm not trying to say that if you don't cosleep your baby will get cancer, obviously! (Mine did anyway.) Just that it may have benefits you don't foresee. And right now, I don't want her anywhere except right next to me.
my DD2 is now at school in reception... I stil miss those early days..
I had DD2 15mo after DD1 & cosleeping (DH was in the spareroom, his choice) was wonderful. It gave me a chance to bond with her, she was born at the end of november & we live somewhere with pretty wild weather & I spent the first few months of her life breastfeeding her listening to the rain & gale force winds hammer against the window. It is one of my most treasured memories. I would urge anyone with a small baby at this time of year to cosleep (obvs assuming safety stuff etc)
meringue my 14mo is very adept she sometimes non verbally asks first, which is adorable. Sometimes I get a hug first, or a round of applause during. No kidding. Cracks me up and melts my heart at once.
Well, I've just tried to go to bed, to find ds, who's 11, and dp cuddled up asleep in it. Pausing only to take a blackmail photo (they look very cute) I will proceed to ds's room and take advantage of his new mattress!
Love this thread making me feel better about having a 1 yo taking up the whole bed all the nice posts about cuddles in the night etc make it all seem that bit nicer than he's so small yet takes up so much room... When will he sleep alone ;)
Cat98 - brilliant post
One day my dc will grow out of co sleeping forever
meringue at that age you need to help them/make agree they are latched but pretty soon the get the hang of it and do it themselves
This has been a really interesting thread for me as LO is 13 days old. Just wondering, those of you who said that their LO breast feeds in the night without waking you, do you find they have a "good" self latch? At moment am trying to steer the latch as I find when baby self latches he does not take a large enough mouthful. Would love to leave it to him to latch on but not sure how to improve this?
Because i'm a lazy cow. That's all really. As long as you follow the guidelines for it it's fine.
My MW's are very pro co-sleeping. It's fine under the right condition's.
I'm always a little jealous of Mums who co sleep, DS would never entertain it even as newborn & to this day refuses to sleep in bed with us.
Every now & then, he will have a little nap on one of us on sofa (he's almost 3 yo) & we love it! We just stop whatever we were planning on doing & adore the feeling of him snuggled up.
Because its lovely.
Because life is too short, when you have a baby/toddler/child that wants to sleep next to his/her mum, to try and try to force them to sleep alone.
They are young and dependent for such a short time in the scheme of things.
Because when done safely, it is not dangerous. It's fine.
Because we all get more sleep. Result.
Because I immediately wake if there is a problem (like when 2yo ds began to choke on his own vomit).
Because - it's right for some people, and that's just fine.
DH convinced me a few weeks ago to encourage 18m old DS to stay in his own room, Not because he doesn't enjoy co-sleeping mind but because he has fallen foul to the old 'Rod for your own back' 'You're spoiling him'
bullshit from his co-workers.
The stubborn bugger is currently sleeping on the floor of DS's room, has been for a week. Can't see how that is much different personally but atleast he can hold his head up at work eh?
Because I was desperate. When Ds was born I was very ill, gradually becoming disabled with no diagnosis & no one listening to me, 'oh first time mum, giving birth is hard, stop whining, fuck off you bastards.
DS had reflux and has never yet slept through a night, I tried everything & all that worked was being naked with me & continually breastfeeding. He woke 14+ times a night for the first 8 months, even with cosleeping.
H would 'help out' by falling asleep with Ds on a sofa, after his cigarette break. So I couldn't ever sleep, ever relax, ever took eyes off Ds for fear he would die. I got very paranoid about it, panicked that I wasn't following advice by cosleeping. Used to lie awake listening to him breathe, was so scared he'd stop if I stopped listening. It was hell. Cosleeping probably stopped me going completely mad. I think i had postnatal depression, but no one ever looked beyond the smile I put on cos I was just do damn glad to have Ds through the panic, & pain.
He's almost 3 & currently snoring on my shoulder in bed.
Oh I sooooo miss cosleeping. I coslept with all four usually to about 15 months or so. All are great sleepers, in fact DD1 slept 12 hours a night at 8 weeks old so we coslept through choice with her.
We co-slept when I discovered that bringing DS into bed with us meant an hour's extra sleep in the morning. Easy decision!
The evidence on co-sleeping is inconclusive. The study which is often quoted, and which IIRC the NHS base their "no co-sleeping" guidance on, includes people doing all sorts of things which are not considered safe co-sleeping. (So babies getting suffocated under duvets / on sofas etc).
AFAIK, there has been no study which compares safer co-sleeping (i.e. that which follows the guidelines) and non-co-sleeping.
Co-sleeping massively supports the breastfeeding relationship, and breastfeeding itself significantly helps protect children against SIDS among other diseases. I strongly suspect better research will find that co-sleeping does benefit babies when the guidelines are followed.
Incidentally, another guideline which is often ignored is that your baby should be in with you till 6 months. A lot of people put their babies in their own room much earlier than that, from a few weeks if not even straight away! But they should be in with you. It seems to me that people think that as long as you can hear your baby on a monitor it's fine, but the baby actually benefits from being in the same room with you as it helps them regulate their breathing. This one is evidence-based and not contentious (there is no possible benefit to your baby in being on their own, in their own room) but it's still ignored.
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