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To ask why people co sleep?

(246 Posts)
Cathycomehome Sat 19-Jan-13 22:09:37

It seems quite popular on here, but all advice I see is not to. So, why do people still do it, when they follow other advice to the letter?

GwendolineMaryLacey Sat 19-Jan-13 22:19:45

Because neither of my two will sleep in their cot or bed, never have. I cannot survive on no sleep, which is what I get if I try to get them to sleep elsewhere.

Bez00 Sat 19-Jan-13 22:19:58

Because it means less disruption for you and baby if breastfeeding and its just so lovely.

RubyrooUK Sat 19-Jan-13 22:20:03

Sorry if you've been affected by cot death Cathy.

But my son seriously wouldn't be soothed in a cot. He screamed until vomiting if he wasn't cuddled up to another human being. We co-slept as safely as we could, never smoked or drunk with him in the bed and I felt safer having him right there than in another room.

Permanentlyexhausted Sat 19-Jan-13 22:20:06

It was suggested to me by midwives in hospital. I was given a leaflet on how to do it safely. There was nothing in mine or DH's lifestyles to suggest that we would pose any risk to our babies. Because we all enjoyed it. Because there is nothing better than snuggling up with your warm squishy sleeping baby.

VisualiseAHorse Sat 19-Jan-13 22:20:21

I never set out to co-sleep. But LO often spends half the night in bed with me because everyone gets more sleep that way.

I love it. I'm a little sad that the bigger he gets, the more time he sleeps in his own bed. Sometimes I nap with him during the day just so I get to see his face just at that moment where he is between sleep and waking. It's like falling in love with my OH all over again.

PickledInAPearTree Sat 19-Jan-13 22:20:23

I didn't do it until ds was a bit older as I was nervous of the SIDS advice.

Now about once a week he comes in. Your lucky if you wake up to smiles I normally get him sitting on my head. With a smelly bum.

pookamoo Sat 19-Jan-13 22:21:23

So sorry for your awful loss, Cathy

The official line is something like "The safest place for your baby to sleep is on their back in their own cot in your room."

The NHS advice pages all go on to list conditions where it is definitely unsafe to bed share with a baby (smoking, drinking, taking drugs). The inference is that if these conditions are not present then it is ok. People should still look into how to do it safely though, e.g. not under the duvet, mattress on the floor etc.

Co-sleeping is the norm in most non-western cultures, and as far as I am aware, although I am willing to be corrected, the incidence of SIDS is not measurably higher.

ImagineJL Sat 19-Jan-13 22:21:24

I remember waking to feed DS2, getting him out of his crib, and sitting up in bed to feed him. I was so exhausted I fell asleep and he rolled onto the bed and ended up face down in the duvet. Luckily I woke up. After that I decided to sit on edge of bed so I couldn't slump down and doze off. But I still fell asleep and DS rolled on to the floor. I caught him just as he was about to bang his head. After that I decided that he would surely be safer in my bed. Of course I worried about it, but I was so tired I thought his risk was greater from me fall asleep while sitti up with him.

5madthings Sat 19-Jan-13 22:21:33

And there is nothing better than opening your eyes in the morning to the beaming smile if a baby or toddler, I love all the sleepy cuddles. smile

andtheycalleditbunnylove Sat 19-Jan-13 22:22:00

because there is nothing more wonderful than having your baby by you, waking up to see her beautiful face, snuggling in the night, knowing the little foot against your thigh is baby following her instinct not to let you get away...

daughter described tonight sleeping with 'our little starfish', as grandaughter sleeps with an arm and leg on mum and an arm and leg on dad.

Cathycomehome Sat 19-Jan-13 22:22:20

I'm interested by the way, not trying to be contentious. I would never co sleep because of personal experience, but interested that so many will when feeding before six months, etc, is rigidly adhered to.

Fabsmum Sat 19-Jan-13 22:23:38

I did it because I was too tired to do anything else. Most parents do it at some point, whatever their plans otherwise.

"So, why do people still do it, when they follow other advice to the letter?"

I think you'll find they don't. FSIDS also recommend breastfeeding and having baby share your room for six months reduces risk of cot death but a really high percentage of people don't do either.

ZolaBuddleia Sat 19-Jan-13 22:23:45

Trice, I don't think I could sleep without duvet and pillow, how did you manage it? And how do people breastfeed in bes without a duvet, and therefore presumably a full set of clothes?

5madthings Sat 19-Jan-13 22:23:53

So sorry for your loss sad

I think its something you either feel comfortable with or don't, I have done a lot of reading on it and it felt right for me and my children.

pookamoo Sat 19-Jan-13 22:23:59

pickled yes. that. grin

2kidsintow Sat 19-Jan-13 22:24:28

I wish I'd had some positive advice. When in hospital with DD, she just wouldn't settle until I'd put her in bed with me. I made it as safe as I could, fashioning a bullet proof barrier at the edge of the bed with her high sided cot (that she would not settle in, no matter what - and when a baby is dependent on oxygen and can't breathe well, you don't want them to be upset and crying!) In the morning, one of the midwives berated me for doing it and told me that I could have killed my baby if she'd fallen onto the floor.

My 6 week old baby would have had to have climbed over me to reach the other side of the bed to have had any possible chance of falling. Idiot woman that she was!

When at home, I mostly compromised. I had a bedside cot, but even then my DD wouldn't usually settle until I at least laid my arm alongside her body so she could feel that I was there.

Happypiglet Sat 19-Jan-13 22:24:47

See what I don' t get with all this blissful nights sleep is..didn't your small babies require changed nappies at night? Necessitating at least some sort of activity on your part? Mine BF, pooed, BF, pooed so I had to get up anyway....

VisualiseAHorse Sat 19-Jan-13 22:25:21

Yes, but there is also advice to not give solids before 6 months , but loads of parents ignore that too.

Loquace Sat 19-Jan-13 22:25:32

My son had not read the leaflet. He point blank refused to sleep anywhere but on me. We tried everything. He had not read the threads/books.

We did get him out of our bed for "bedtime" by two, after six months concentrated effort. But until he was six years, three months and twelve days old he would still wake up and get in. Kick, nut and elbow me for the half the night and then conk out and snore in my ear, so I basically gave up on sleep.

I repeat, for the hard of reading. We tried EVERYTHING. I thought I was going to die from sleep deprivation and having him in our bed at least stopped me from going stark staring mad between long, tired bouts of "right! that's it. The child is not the boss of us!" (ha bleeding ha)

he was a very determined (and "only" for very good reasons) insomniac baby/child.

We would have prefered him in his own bed from the start. Stupid us for thinking babies came out sans opinions of their own.

Did I mention he is an only child ?

gloucestergirl Sat 19-Jan-13 22:25:58

Here in Sweden, advice to the letter is to co-sleep. Letting a small baby sleep on their own so far away from their parents is seen as cold and uncaring. Told that at the hospital when I expressed my Daily Mail informed co-sleeping ignorance.

pookamoo Sat 19-Jan-13 22:27:24

happy I think I must have been lucky because my babies didn't need night nappy changes after the first 3 weeks or so. and then DH did those grin

Morloth Sat 19-Jan-13 22:27:47

Because it is the most normal natural thing in the world.

I do what comes naturally with my kids, it seemed to work out just fine. Every instinct told me to keep them close so I did.

Even now they are older I am happiest when we are all snugged up together.

I don't follow all advice though, pretty much just do what seems obvious.

Patchouli Sat 19-Jan-13 22:27:47

That 'Three In a Bed' book (deborah Jackson?) is a good and interesting read.

I think the advice comes from statistics that got distorted by maori people - poorer lifestyles = saggy mattresses, mother smoking, alcohol etc
Many cultures do cosleep with low statistics of SIDS - firm futon beds etc

Permanentlyexhausted Sat 19-Jan-13 22:28:06

My daughter is alive and healthy, quite possibly because we were co-sleeping and I picked up on her illness much more quickly.

Cathycomehome Sat 19-Jan-13 22:28:17

Thanks or rep,it's. I have my 6 month old in the cot by the bed, and I think sometimes it would be easier to co sleep. But I just can't risk it again.( no risk factors)

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