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To think exP should feed DS?

(85 Posts)
AnneNonimous Sat 19-Jan-13 21:52:24

DS is ten months and goes to his dads every weekend. Up til now I have provided all nappies, milk and food for DS over the weekend. However It's proving more difficult now DS has more 'normal' meals like bits of chicken and veg for him to pick up and eat, fish fingers or toast etc etc.

This weekend I packed pots of fruity porridge for his breakfast and his dinners because I make them in batches and freeze them. But I didn't pack anything for his lunch as its not as easy and seemed ridiculous to me to pack pieces of bread to make into toast or whatever. So I told his dad to just make him something, gave him examples of what he could make him and he said that was ok.

Now I've received a text from exP saying in future I should provide all food as that's what his maintenance money is meant to go towards.

Ainu to think he is being ridiculous and tight? Or am I meant to always pack DS with enough food to go to his dads until he's 18?

TinyDancingHoofer Sun 20-Jan-13 00:00:48

Are you sure he is being a twat and not just really scared of getting it wrong? If he only sees him once a fortnight then feeding a ten month old isn't an everyday thing. Could you give him a list of suitable foods, even with really obvious things on?

WilsonFrickett Sun 20-Jan-13 00:09:46

Prize nobber.

Send him a list of suitable foods.
Tell him you checked with CSA and feeding his child on his time is his responsibility. And that if he can't cope with this perhaps his time needs to be renegotiated as you can't continue to send him to someone who won't feed him.

::bookmarks this thread for the next 'all dads are great and you are a nest of vipers' invasion::

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 20-Jan-13 00:11:36


The op did give him suggestions as to what was suitable he objected due to havering to fund the food.

SpottyBagOfTumble Sun 20-Jan-13 00:19:44

I like what Dixie chick said!

TinyDancingHoofer Sun 20-Jan-13 00:25:27

I know but if he can't cook/ is a bit useless anyway then saying chicken and a bit of veg might not be as simple to him as it would to OP. Though how anyone couldn't do fish fingers confused Maybe he is worried about amounts?

quoteunquote Sun 20-Jan-13 00:31:24

send him this link,here

Write down which nappies you buy, explain he will now be doing it for himself.

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 20-Jan-13 00:35:42

Hmmmmmm toast?????

You don't need confidence or to be Gordon Ramsey to make fucking toast.

pigletmania Sun 20-Jan-13 00:45:37

Or bits of cheese, cucumber. I sometimes give my 11 month ds beans on toast or egg for lunch or bits of toast, cheese cucumber apple hardly rocket science

AgentZigzag Sun 20-Jan-13 00:48:15

But we know what they'll eat because of experience and advice, but if you'd have asked me what a 10 month old ate before I had DC, I wouldn't have had a clue!

It's a funny age on the cusp of eating normally, but still a baby.

AgentZigzag Sun 20-Jan-13 00:50:37

And then there are things like 'don't give them peanuts until they're 3', which sets a new folder up in your head of things you can't give babies to eat, making you wonder what else you shouldn't be giving them (if you don't know).

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 20-Jan-13 01:46:11


The op gave him suggestions of what dd can eat.

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Sun 20-Jan-13 01:53:56

The OP gave a list of suitable foods. Anne, have you got other knobbish texts or emails from this man stating that he won't feed DS or won't change nappies, or making threats? If so, you might have a case for either stopping contact or insisting on it being supervised (on the grounds that he can't meet the child's basic needs and may be abusive to the child).

AgentZigzag Sun 20-Jan-13 01:56:21

You're right Sock, and if the truth be known he could just fucking google it and have a look for himself really.

SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker Sun 20-Jan-13 02:32:22

yeah I agree, I think I might mess with him and say that after getting his text I checked and apparently not only do I not need to provide food or milk for Dad's house out of the maintenance, but I also don't have to provide nappies for him either when he is at Dad's and from now on I will be expecting him to provide them at his house.

Let him put that in his pipe and smoke it.

AgentZigzag Sun 20-Jan-13 02:35:47

But wouldn't that be using the DS to get back at the DH just as much as he does to have a dig at the OP Spoony?

TinyDancingHoofer Sun 20-Jan-13 02:47:19

It does seem a bit odd that someone can have a ten month old and not have any nappies in the house. Are some men really this bad? shock

xlittlekellyx Sun 20-Jan-13 02:56:29

Maintenance is worked out at how many days each parent has the child...csa would have already deducted your money for the one night your ex has the baby so really you dont have to provide anything at all for the overnight stay...however just text them to advise them this and tell em that you will not be providing anything for that night. Xx

Skyebluesapphire Sun 20-Jan-13 03:05:26

In future don't send any food at all and make it clear it's his job to feed him. Maintenance only reduces if he has him for more than 52 nights a year.....

My XH feeds DD when she is with him. This week she wanted to take some crumpets so I let her but that was her choice.

Although he did send her home at 6.45pm this week without feeding her , after picking her up from school.......

SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker Sun 20-Jan-13 04:48:02

Agent, he should have been providing that stuff from the start and he should not be telling her what to do. It is one thing to help each other out, but not if someone is going to throw their weight around.

Kafri Sun 20-Jan-13 05:27:31

Send him all the food to last the weekend along with a bill for half of EVERYTHING else you buy for dc. He'll soon see how good he has it
My dc is only 4 weeks and I've already lost count of the extras I've had to nip out for - tho he does have awful colic so I'm. Working my way through all thr possible things to help (dr browns bottle/infacol/colief etc)

I'm not surprised he's exDP rather than DP - knobhead!

HecateWhoopass Sun 20-Jan-13 08:20:15

And don't forget a bill for half the difference between a single person's accommodation and a family home!
And half the gas, electric etc that an extra person uses.
and half the water that an extra person uses

Such arseholes forget these things. When they moan about paying towards shoes and act like a fiver a week is paying for you to live in the lap of luxury, they forget the household expenses. If you are alone, you can live in a one bed flat, or a bedsit. When you have children - costs more. Where's their half of THAT stuff?!

Makes me so mad.

The day a non res parent pays half the actual cost of each human being they helped to create - I will streak through the offices of the CSA with a rose up my arse, run up to the manager, remove said rose and present it to them.

littlemisssarcastic Sun 20-Jan-13 09:18:16

Haven't read the whole thread, but when xp and I split, DD was a baby. XP expected me to provide everything DD needed when she went to xp's and I duly packed nappies, wipes, nappy bags, nappy cream, all food, bibs, changes of clothes, toys, pushchair, bouncy chair, changing mat, milk, dummies, and calpol when DD was old enough. in case she needed it.
It was getting ridiculous, especially when my car was off the road and xp expected me to travel on the bus with all of this, because he refused to accept DD if I had got her to him via a lift from family with a car. twat
Contact was going through solicitor at the time, so I mentioned this situation to sol and she was horrified!!
Solicitor told me that while xp had contact, he should provide everything DD needed, unless it was prescribed medicine, which we should hand over at contact.
xp had DD 3 days a week then for a few hours a day when he could be bothered.
I told xp that I would no longer be providing all of the stuff DD needed, and that it was his responsibility anyway. He grumbled about it but I stuck firm.
In my case, I think he was just trying to make things as awkward as possible for me.
Sol also said maintenance was a separate issue. If the child is spending 3 nights a week at xp's, then maintenance would be reduced. Maintenance is not paid so you can provide your DC with what they need whilst at xp's. Rather, maintenance is reduced before you receive it for how many nights the DC spend at xp's.
I would stop this now if i was you. It will only escalate imo.

HopAndSkip Sun 20-Jan-13 10:19:33

Next time he's having ds, send a message (text/email) explaining that "now ds is getting older and eating more variety it isn't practical to send all food he might need" then give him a list of suggestions for each meal, a list of snack idea's, and maybe a list of foods not medically recommended under 1, put medically incase he assumes its just foods you don't approve of and gives them in spite.
Maybe provide formula if he won't get through a pot worth between now and 1/going onto cow milk, but nothing else. Also no need to send nappies, just spare clothes/maybe some familiar toys for ds. Poor thing, i wonder if his dad was still planning to be limiting food to what you've sent at 7 or 8!

Daddelion Sun 20-Jan-13 11:02:52

'The day a non res parent pays half the actual cost of each human being they helped to create - I will streak through the offices of the CSA with a rose up my arse, run up to the manager, remove said rose and present it to them.'

So all NRPs are feckless?

The day 50-50 shared care is the standard I'll do the same, but they'd be no need for the CSA then.

5madthings Sun 20-Jan-13 11:20:13

daddelion no not all nrp are feckless but the one the dealing with is and that is what is being discussed.

The amount of child support the csa say a nrp should pay is crap and they seem fairly crap at processing and dealing with ut all tbh. I dont know anyone who has had a good experience with the csa, even when the nrp is not feckless and pays on time the csa still cock it up.

50/50 care can be great but it isnt always practical and not all parents want it.

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