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To think exP should feed DS?

(85 Posts)
AnneNonimous Sat 19-Jan-13 21:52:24

DS is ten months and goes to his dads every weekend. Up til now I have provided all nappies, milk and food for DS over the weekend. However It's proving more difficult now DS has more 'normal' meals like bits of chicken and veg for him to pick up and eat, fish fingers or toast etc etc.

This weekend I packed pots of fruity porridge for his breakfast and his dinners because I make them in batches and freeze them. But I didn't pack anything for his lunch as its not as easy and seemed ridiculous to me to pack pieces of bread to make into toast or whatever. So I told his dad to just make him something, gave him examples of what he could make him and he said that was ok.

Now I've received a text from exP saying in future I should provide all food as that's what his maintenance money is meant to go towards.

Ainu to think he is being ridiculous and tight? Or am I meant to always pack DS with enough food to go to his dads until he's 18?

AnneNonimous Sat 19-Jan-13 22:11:30

He insisted I called the CSA to inform them he has him overnight once every 2 weeks now and they said as they work it out weekly and it doesn't work out as 1 night a week his payment won't be reduced.

FannyBazaar Sat 19-Jan-13 22:11:36

YANBU, if he wants to reduce child support payments he should be having him overnight for a minimum 52 nights a year. At 10 months he should be eating 'family foods' and this should be the same as whoever he's with (providing they're eating normal healthy food).

AgentZigzag Sat 19-Jan-13 22:11:46

Could he be a bit worried about what he should be feeding him, but doesn't like to ask?

With you sending the stuff over he trusts you to know what he'll like and can stomach, but if he doesn't know him extremely well, he could be a bit nervous of giving him the wrong thing?

pigletmania Sat 19-Jan-13 22:12:10

Whatever chid mainteance is, whilst that child is in his care HE shoud be providing food. Don't send in food and see what happens. Really if he cannot meet your child's basic needs he cannot be trusted to,care for your ds

LineRunner Sat 19-Jan-13 22:14:32

He's a twat.

A mean, tight, lazy knobber.

VisualiseAHorse Sat 19-Jan-13 22:14:33

What someone else said.

He is a DAD, not a childminder.

GregBishopsBottomBitch Sat 19-Jan-13 22:15:56

My ex gives me maintenance and has DD once a month, i dont fund that weekend, and if he asked, i'd tell him to fuck off, you shouldnt have to supply anything, the maintenance is his share of your DS upkeep, not to ensure Ex doesnt need to supply food for his DS.

Iburntthecakes Sat 19-Jan-13 22:16:12

Sorry, that made no sense and not helped by autocorrect. Maintenance is calculated on he basis of overnights not time during the day. If DCs spend all day with NRP but overnights with RP there is no reduction. If its less than 52 nights a year there is no reduction.

Moominsarescary Sat 19-Jan-13 22:16:25

I'd be worried that if your ds refused the food he provided then the ex wouldn't offer an alternative, probably not right now but when he's a little older.

However he might have grown up a bit by then

Iburntthecakes Sat 19-Jan-13 22:23:12

Anyway, you can spend the maintenance money on whatever you like. It's legally yours.

I'd try to do what you feel is reasonable and ignore him or you could just tell him the CSA money is only just enough for your shoe habit so you can't afford to send anymore food

Flisspaps Sat 19-Jan-13 22:23:28

He's an arse.

Visualise I'm a CM and even I provide food, you'd think it was a given from a parent, wouldn't you?! shock

AgentZigzag Sat 19-Jan-13 22:28:08

Fuck, I'd give a child I didn't know something to eat if they were hungry Fliss!

And I'm sure you and all the other posters would too.

And he probably would, he's just doing it with bad grace, which says a lot about the way he's not fussed about involving his DS in something so petty to have a dig at the OP.

5madthings Sat 19-Jan-13 22:33:00

Yanbu, he is being a twat, seriously I am lost for words!!

Bobyan Sat 19-Jan-13 22:36:04

Can you send him a small pot of oats, a small pot of milk, a raw potato, a raw carrots, a banana...
If your going to provide the food at least make him cook it.
What a shit.

Flisspaps Sat 19-Jan-13 22:52:22

Absolutely ZigZag, it was just in response to Visualise saying "he's the dad, not a childminder"

Wankbadgery at its finest (the dad, not you)

Shocked beyond belief. What a cunt.

BertieBotts Sat 19-Jan-13 23:09:43

I'd be quite tempted to agree to send food, as long as he agreed to you sending him an itemised bill of everything you've bought for DS which he is expected to reimburse you for half the cost. That ought to wake him up grin

BertieBotts Sat 19-Jan-13 23:11:37

But yes, he's doing it to make a point. Or he's just being ridiculously lazy. Or both. Probably petty and unhelpful to get into making a point right back at him.

AgentZigzag Sat 19-Jan-13 23:16:58

'Wankbadgery at its finest (the dad, not you)'

Oww, that's something I've aspired to for many a moon Fliss grin

dixiechick1975 Sat 19-Jan-13 23:21:32

I'd say his text has caused you to check the legal position and you shouldn't be providing anything - no nappies/milk or food from now on.

If you start sending food he will expect it to continue.

Part of parenting is knowing what your child needs to eat/wear to be happy and healthy.

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 19-Jan-13 23:42:13

Food is a basic need as is warmth comfort and clean clothes/nappies

If he cannot meet the child's basic needs for the limited time he has the child then he should not be having the child.

Perhaps the child could be returned to you for every meal time and apply change grin

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 19-Jan-13 23:45:39

Oh and 13 years ago my ex tried this one with wanting me to even give him petrol money to drive 13 miles to collect our dc on top of food ect.

The judge refused to issue him with a contact order on the grounds that dad was unable to meet his needs

GoldPlatedNineDoors Sat 19-Jan-13 23:50:06

In theory you should just be handing ds over as he is with no extras. Thats the way I would insist on doing it.

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 19-Jan-13 23:52:10

I ment nappy not apply

pigletmania Sat 19-Jan-13 23:58:48

excatly sockreturn, its not going to look good on him in court if he fails to meet his childs basic needs. If he cannot provide food for his child he should not be looking after him. OP you have been indulging him too much, by providing food, you should stop right now, if he is not feeding your ds you should go to court or refuse contact.

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