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To HATE my husband's thick orange beard???

(133 Posts)
SplitHeadGirl Sat 19-Jan-13 19:44:25

My husband has grown a really thick beard that covers half his face and completely covers his mouth. He has gone from being gorgeous (like a young Richard Armitage) to looking like a scruffy, unkempt pensioner who has had a really hard life!

I told him weeks ago (stubble stage) that as it was his face, he could of course grow a beard, whatever he wanted and I would support him. BUT....I hadn't counted on how it has affected my physical feelings about him. I find him unattractive and strange to look at, like I don't know him. sad I miss the face I fell in love with.

He is a lot grumpier now too and as he now looks older he has started to ACT older and I wonder if losing his young looks (he could easily get them back if he shaved that damn thing off his face) has made him lose his young personality.

I am cross with myself as I KNOW it is just facial hair and I would hate it if he didn't find me attractive anymore for some stupid physical reason. He has even joined a beard forum (a beard board) where he and a bunch of other guys post pics of themselves and support and encourage each other's beard growth!!!!

Shouldn't I just get over it??? I feel like I am being unreasonable...but I hate that I can't see his beautiful face anymore and that he has changed so much and I hate that I don't find him attractive like this.sad

Daydream007 Sat 15-Apr-17 21:12:36

I hate my husband's beard and he knows it. It irritates my skin too. Tell him to get rid of it.

user1489261248 Sat 15-Apr-17 20:54:54

YANBU. Beards look OK on some men, but it's putrid to kiss a man with a beard. When my DH had one, I refused to kiss him. He never understood why, and whined that it was 'so soft, feel it - it's soooo soft.'

I couldn't make him understand how fucking vile it was to kiss him. The feel of his beard on my mouth was hideous. So after a while I refused to kiss him or have sex with him.

He shaved it off after 6 weeks with no sex.

katrinas Sat 15-Apr-17 20:45:10

I apologise- i know this thread is REALLY OLD, but i read the whole thing today, because i too have been traumatised by my husbands facial hair!
I don't mind beards on *some men.
Some men look better with them, but most don't!
Every guy seems to go through this "I have to grow all this horrid facial hair " thing when their wives are pregnant I have noticed.
I have ALWAYS LOATHED facial hair!
I am not fussy on looks, but facial hair creeps me out- i can't explain it, it might be irrational, but it is what it is.
I wouldn't tell my husband what to wear, how to style his hair (although I cried when he shaved his head bald and felt weirded out by him until it grew back visibly (he has a sexy big spiral afro now that i like!)
But facial hair i do not do!
I find it creepy, off-putting, and find him totally unattractive with facial hair, plus it is so aging!
I am 15 weeks pregnant,had my head in a bucket, been in bed for the last 7 weeks with extreme morning sickness, so it was a given that there would be no action going on for a few months- and he grew some facial hair.
i didn't say anything, hoping he was just busy looking after everything and neglecting his shaving etc, but now i am well again and things will be resuming in that department, it has been panicking me the thought of that beard going anywhere near me!
I would rather completely miss out forever, than have a beard anywhere near my bits! -like seriously!
So i have dropped a few hints and it didn't seem to sink in, so we were chatting today about something and he stroked his beard, which made me nervously laugh- he said what, and i said it just gives me the creeps seeing him do that!
Then i said lightly "you will be shaving that off now we're going to get busy again won't you" to which he said he liked it, wasn't going to keep it forever, but didn't want to shave it off yet.
So that made me feel really panicked and i said, "well thats not going anywhere near me!"
He said its not fair that its his face and he doesn't tell me what to do or how to groom myself so i shouldn't tell him what to do either.
i expressed that he has ALWAYS known my massive aversion to facial hair, even before we got married so it shouldn't be a surprise, I find it really unattractive and offputting, and I am NOT telling him what to do at all but rather telling him what I don;t want to my own body, and that i absolutely will not be indulging in any fun under the covers with a beard near me, nor should i be forced to.
He thought I was being silly , at which point I burst into tears in a panic and said i am serious I WILL NOT! Ever.
And then i ran off in tears!
i have never had a panic attack but certainly felt like it then.
You can't judge someone for something like that, even if you find it irrational.
I am not at all demanding in any other way, but the thought of a beard any where near my intimate parts send me into a panic and that is just that. If you don't loathe beards and haven't felt it for yourself, then you just won't get it!

He later came up and said he felt i wasn't being fair, and would resent me for a bit for it, but would shave it off if it upsets me that much.
That still upset me, as I shouldn't be resented for feeling like that- its hardly a suprise to him!
We've been married 20 yrs and I have aways loathed beards and been vocal about it (not towards him as he's never had one) .I am not making him shave anything off, but i feel it is fair to set my boundaries for what i am happy with in an intimate relationship and that beard is not factoring! He can't complain in any other area as i am most accomodating.
I could have just shied away from sex forever, making excuses, some other woman said she hasn't kissed her man in over a year as she finds it so repulsive, and this is the thing, if you don't listen to your partner if they are really affected by something, it will put a massive distance btwn you eventually.
I would end up hating sex and freezing up as I found i so awful and then you get least i told him straight out how it made me feel.
Hopefully that damn thing goes very quickly!
I think you either are a beard person or you're not, and theres nothing wrong with either.
The men that want to do whatever despite, make a choice in the end, as does the woman.
For me this was an absolute biggie.
Funnily enough i reacted so strongly he asked me if i had been abused by a bearded man as a kid! :0
Not in real life- maybe in a bad dream?
Who knows, but the reaction is that strong to beards and intimacy for me!

DeafLeopard Mon 21-Jan-13 11:33:57

What Merry said.

A beard is more of a turn-off than Y fronts

LadyHarrietdeSpook Mon 21-Jan-13 11:05:29

I was trying to link to a photo of Joaquin Phoenix - another case of Man Gone Bad with Beard.

Could you cope with a 'light beard' ? I quite like Giles C's and wouldn't mind at all if DH went for something like that.

What a funny hobby! Beard Boards. I love it! (But I can see why you wouldn't!!)

VikingLady Mon 21-Jan-13 10:15:44

Clean shaven or stubble now grin

VikingLady Mon 21-Jan-13 10:15:20

I told DH that kissing him with a beard was like kissing my dad and so I wouldn't be kissing him that much. Though of course it was his choice.....

LexiLoganberryBump Mon 21-Jan-13 09:36:17

I love my dh beard, althought it is a neat well kept short stubble one, he does shave it off every so often just to freshen up his face and he looks really weird, without it his face looks really big, that sounds terrible doesn't it.

I don't like bushy beards, but my dh wouldn't of kept it if he knew I hated it.

You have my sympathy... my DP has grown a disgusting bushy moustache over the past year. He looks like my dad. HUGE turn off.

I've gone from dropping hints to referring to it as a monstrosity. I can't kiss him, it's horrible. We haven't kissed for about a year!

He's gone from being a tattooed, handsome bass player - to a hairy, pipe smoking clone of my dad!

cheeseandpineapple Mon 21-Jan-13 08:14:58

Hoping this links directly...

cheeseandpineapple Mon 21-Jan-13 08:13:04

Maybe he's inspired by Richard Armitage more than you think..

Thumbwitch Mon 21-Jan-13 04:58:37

DH grew a tache once. It made him look like a used-car salesman.
He grew a goatee once - it made him look gay.
Then he went the whole hog and grew a beard - he looked like David Bellamy but without the matching hair.

I coped with the tache, it amused me.
I hated the goatee (so did he)
I couldn't stand the beard, but luckily he shaved it off after a few days of hot July weather (he'd grown it while in Australia, in winter, and we had a hot July when he came over to visit) grin

I sympathise, OP - your DH is being a bit selfish because it's not just about him, is it - and it's not something he can do nothing about either. DH now tends to not shave every day, and I don't like the stubble because it grates; but he won't shave more just because I say so. I can live with that - but if he insisted on being stubbly all the time I'd be a bit pissed off with him.

I like beards on some men though, they can look very attractive. Just not on DH (perpendicular-to-the-skin bristly hair growth)

mrscumberbatch Sun 20-Jan-13 22:14:24

You can't compare gnarly fingernails to a beard.

Having a beard doesn't affect your ability to wipe your arse.... gnarly fingernails do!

SminkoPinko Sun 20-Jan-13 22:03:31

That Jack Passion beard is disgusting. [vomit] I once had training from someone with extreme fingernails which she never cut. They were about a foot long, curling in hideous spirals and vile in the same way as a full facial beard.

mrscumberbatch Sun 20-Jan-13 21:49:58

Jack Passion

Seems to be every man's beardy pinup. It's all very odd.

mrscumberbatch Sun 20-Jan-13 21:48:32

My DP participates in the Beard and Moustache Championships. It's serious stuff!!

He is also brown of hair and ginger of beard. I like the way he looks- but I couldn't bear the way that it felt on my face.

So.... miracle product reveal time: beardwash and conditioner. It's apparently formulated specially for beards and gets rid of the pubic feeling and leaves it shiny and bouncy lol.

Has worked wonders here OP, so at least if he won't abandon the beard get him to tame it!!!

comelywenchlywoo Sun 20-Jan-13 21:09:28

oh cross posts OP - I see our DHs are indeed alike!

He watches youtube vids of beards? shock He needs help wink

P.s him watching beardy vids is nothing like me googling Emilia Fox last night to see her not at all......

AKissIsNotAContract Sun 20-Jan-13 21:07:20

Jeremy Piven is on now as Mr Selfridge for all you fellow beard lovers smile

comelywenchlywoo Sun 20-Jan-13 21:05:45

I like DH's beard. When he shaves it off he looks like he's twelve and stubbles me to death. When he has a beard it's soft and manly (if that's possible).
When he was working on the boats for six weeks he came back rather captain birdseye (but brown/ginger), but when it's trimmed neatish it's hot!

I feel for you OP, there's no easy option. If you were a bloke saying you no longer found your missus attractive as she'd put on weight I'd be horrified, but on the otherhand you can't help how you feel. Shame you can't do a course on "learning to live with beards" or "beard appreciation - part one"
FYI I wouldn't bother not shaving until he shaves if I were you. Does anyone's DH really care if she's shaved her legs or not as long as he's getting some? Maybe that's just my DH blush

SplitHeadGirl Sun 20-Jan-13 21:03:39

Wow everyone thank you so much for all the great replies!!! I was laughing out loud at them - it cheered me up no end!! smile

I have decided to take the advice and tell him at the first real opportunity that I just CANNOT like the beard. More than that - I loathe, detest and abhor it!! I hate that it is so wiry and orange (he has beautiful shiny conker-brown head on his head yet his beard is JUST like pubes like a poster said!!).

I was thinking about not shaving and letting myself go a bit haha, and seeing what he said...but going by past history, he never seems to think I look bad even when I DO. I wish I was like him that way. sad

I think the most irritating part for me is that he is doing this NOW, after years of knowing each other, and it is out of the blue and I had no idea he ever wanted to do this and change himself. I just want him back how he was.

The thing is, I sometimes do like beards (on older men with broad sort of faces) and made the mistake of telling him that - but his looks shocking!!

He even has a 'beardspiration' (as he calls it) - a singer called Michael McDonald. He sits watching his videos on Youtube, admiring his beard!!!!! It's crazy!!

expatinscotland Sun 20-Jan-13 20:50:32

Gross. No, I don't do facial hair on men.

milkandribena Sun 20-Jan-13 20:26:55

I really don't like beards. Tell him OP just tell him

Now I love stubble, just love it but never ever a beard

DizzyHoneyBee Sun 20-Jan-13 19:57:09

gross, all those bits of food stuck in it. Withdraw favours until it has gone...or LTB (sorry, couldn't resist!) wink
I hope he gets rid of it soon.

SminkoPinko Sun 20-Jan-13 19:40:34

Full on father christmas type beards in any colour are utterly horrible and wrong. It shouldn't be a matter of his face his choice either. Faces can be seen be everyone and pogonophobia is rife so it is a public health issue. He must shave it off.

Lueji Sun 20-Jan-13 19:32:09

Does he look like this?

You can send him my way. smile

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