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To genuinely wonder if this is normal childhood behaviour?

(42 Posts)
PassMeTheWino Sat 19-Jan-13 19:00:16

My son is six years old and is generally good, but still has tantrum occasionally.

The problem is, if he is 'spoilt' in any way, he turns into an absolute PITA.

When he was 4 it got so bad, Id have to go weeks and weeks without taking him for 'days out' other than the park or refrain from buying him any toys/sweets/magazines which were already few and far between, because his behaviour afterward would be demanding, entitled and result in hours of tantrums.

Basically, the more he 'got' the worse he would be.

It still happens now but can sometimes reason with him.

Tonight is an example, he went to his friends house today. They called and said they were having fun and could stay until 4pm, when we picked him up a toy had arrived in the post when he got home (I returned a faulty Christmas present, the toy was the replacement) and his payment to us was to totally and utterly create. Refusing to get in the bath. Refusing to brush his teeth. Refusing to read books. Demanding this, howling about that.

Its black and white, its bed, teeth, books and bed. We arent fannying around, if he kicks off then he can get on with it.

But WHY the fuck does he do this?

His birthday is a few days after Christmas, christmas is dragged on over 4 days so he is utterly spoilt then, I dont think you need me to explain how horrific Christmas can be because of it.

WHY??
It cant be normal can it?!

ChocolateTeacup Sat 19-Jan-13 19:02:43

What time is his bedtime, how much sweets etc does he eat generally

manicbmc Sat 19-Jan-13 19:03:01

Can you speak to him about his behaviour when he is calm?

HollyBerryBush Sat 19-Jan-13 19:04:19

Welcome to the world of parenthood!

Sadly the wee beasties didn't come with (a) an operating manual (b) removable batteries!

Children push limits - boundaries are there to be explored.

We can all criticise the little things but just don't sweat them. It's easy to sit here and tell you what I'd do, none of which I ever did, and the benefit of hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Black and white is good, just keep up with the boundaries and rewarding the positive behaviour. I'm not one of those who believes in ignoring bad behaviour though. Everything has a consequence.

MrsLouisTheroux Sat 19-Jan-13 19:06:41

Overstimulated: Massive buzz of excitement, can't cope with it? Same symptoms as being overtired : grouchy, cross, disobedient? I'm guessing here!

TheProvincialLady Sat 19-Jan-13 19:07:51

Is it the 'spoiling' that is really the problem, or the change in routine/deviation from the expected?

PassMeTheWino Sat 19-Jan-13 19:08:05

Of course spoken to him about his behaviour when hes calm.

Many. Many. Many. Many. Many. Etc times.

Sweets once a week, if that. Less actually.

Thanks Holly. Its just so fucking annoying arrgg grrrr!!

soulresolution Sat 19-Jan-13 19:10:10

Did he say exactly what he was creating about or does he just lose it and not able to explain?

PassMeTheWino Sat 19-Jan-13 19:12:43

Change from routine, we definitely think this is an impact during christmas. He literally cannot handle the upcoming events, that is for sure.

But today was rather simplistic. I knew as soon as his friends mum induldged him with 'you've been so good, do you want to stay longer?' The shit would hit the fan. I tried asking her to tell him we'd pick him up at 2.30pm but she sounded really disapointed, that they were having such a good time. The mum was absolutely lovely and of course had no inklin of the impact it would have at home. It was my fault. And my fault to give him the bastard toy when he got in.

Surely you should be able to have a 6 year old see a friend and recieve a late Christmas present without hell to pay afterwards??

manicbmc Sat 19-Jan-13 19:14:37

There you go then. It's out of his routine and he finds it hard to cope with it.

How much warning does he get if things are going to be different?

Catsdontcare Sat 19-Jan-13 19:15:11

I get this with ds1, the more you give the more he wants.
Today's example

"Mum can I have a biscuit"
"Yes you can"
"Can I have two"
"Yes ok"
"Well maybe three?"
"No, two only"
Cue sulk or better still the new one is "well I won't bother then"

Suit yourself grrrr!

PassMeTheWino Sat 19-Jan-13 19:16:19

Soul his reasons were as follows:

I dont want to get out the bath.

I dont want to brush my teeth.

I dont want my hero factory out the bath.

I WANT MY HERO FACTORY OUT THE BATH!

I want my hero factory piece thats missing (In the fucking bath!)

I dont want to read my books

I dont want songs
(DP sings the bedtimes songs regardless)

I WANT MY BOOKS
(No chance, you missed the boat)

I WANT SONGS, YOU DIDNT DO SONGS!
(i just DID songs)

No YOU DIDNT! I want songs WAAAAA!

tjah04 Sat 19-Jan-13 19:17:32

Out of my four, two break easily with just me using a certain tone. The youngest takes a bit more effort but my 2nd dd who is nearly 7. She has the strongest will and is a nightmare for tantrums.

She is treated no differently to the others and gets the same discipline. She is just braver then the others and doesn't care what other people think of her (to be fair we bought her up this way as she is physically disabled). Funny how in school she is a complete angel. I just do not bite anymore and have given up being embarrassed in public.

50shadesofmeh Sat 19-Jan-13 19:17:54

Over tired perhaps? My son used to turn into a horror whenever we went places exciting or it was a long day and it was because he was tired .

PassMeTheWino Sat 19-Jan-13 19:18:20

Weeks warnings. Literally.

Routine cant be the only thing.
We go into town, hes fine.

We go into town and he gets some new tshirts, and some sweets he'll kick off.

MrsLouisTheroux Sat 19-Jan-13 19:19:03

He sounds overtired. Doesn't know what he wants so is all over the place contradicting himself.

manicbmc Sat 19-Jan-13 19:19:41

Take the plug out. He'll soon jump out. grin

Don't let him have his Hero factory in the bath to start with.

If he doesn't want books and songs say 'okay' give a kiss and say night night.

He'll soon learn. He may well create about this to begin with but it will be his behaviour dictating it and once he works that one out may be he'll settle.

TheProvincialLady Sat 19-Jan-13 19:19:47

In the short term, I would definitely see if you can maintain a very calm routine with nothing unexpected and no blurred boundaries, eg an arrangement to pick up at 2.30pm will mean a pick up at 2.30pm no matter what. Plenty of information about what will be happening and when, and for how long.

In the longer term, I think if this was my son I would talk to his school about it to find out how he reacts to changes there. It does sound quite extreme. It might well be something he will grow out of with or without help, but if he finds change or deviation from the plan difficult at school, it might be worth a chat with the SENCO. Is there anything else unusual in his behaviour?

PassMeTheWino Sat 19-Jan-13 19:20:19

He does doesnt he?

Hes a nightmare when he is tired.

Could it simple be that? JUST tiredness?

PassMeTheWino Sat 19-Jan-13 19:21:31

Take the plug out. He'll soon jump out.

I wish. We take the plug out. He insists on watching ALL the water go down and then refuses to get out. <rolly eyes>

HollyBerryBush Sat 19-Jan-13 19:22:24

It could be tiredness, I know you have a bed routine which includes a bath but if it is triredness, would missing the bath hurt?

Is he like this with his Dad or just you?

PassMeTheWino Sat 19-Jan-13 19:23:24

TheProvince, no hes completely fine. He thrives at school, the teachers have no concerns. Hes a little giggly with friends but otherwise angelic (FFS!!).

Its always here, always at bed time.

MrsLouisTheroux Sat 19-Jan-13 19:23:34

Yes! DD was nightmare when she was tired! After massively busy day, no new toy (can't cope with more excitement), no bath (too tired) just bed!

manicbmc Sat 19-Jan-13 19:23:45

He is tenacious isn't he? grin

He could be tired though. Cut the bedtime routine short?

tjah04 Sat 19-Jan-13 19:24:29

My latest one with bedtime screaming was to tell dd if she didn't be quiet I would have her up and knocking in the neighbours door to apologise.

She carried in so the next morning I woke her early and told her to meet me downstairs dressed as we were going next door. She was refusing so I said fine I will go and get ten over here. I pretended to go and get them and bring them in. She was still refusing to come down so I did the whole "I have not invited them in for you to stay up there now get downstairs" she called me up and said she was shy and could I carry her down. So down we go with her head in my shoulders saying sorry. " I said not good enough, I want you to look neighbours in the eye an say sorry" she looked up slowly saying sorry then looked around in realisation and said "there's no-one there" I say " no but next time there will be"

She has not played up at bedtime since.

You need to play them at their own game!

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