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Aibu to hold a wedding reception on sister's birthday?

(346 Posts)
Sexolette Sat 19-Jan-13 17:04:33

I'll keep it short.

We recently had a tiny, family only wedding with the plan always being to have a party in the summer.

We are organising said party now and have juat sent out info to people to hold the date.

My sister has told me that obviously she is not coming as it's her birthday and why would she want to go to someone else's party on that day.

I haven't risen to the bait. Am I being unreasonable to hold the party on that date? ?

It's not a milestone birthday, mid twenties.

shewhowines Tue 22-Jan-13 12:52:27

I think it would have been polite to ok it with her first. Now it might be a good idea to say " sorry I didn't realise but we have no choice because......"

FrenchJunebug Tue 22-Jan-13 12:05:10

It's just a birthday. It comes every year. A wedding doesn't. YANBU and I speak as one loving birthday.

MarilynValentine Tue 22-Jan-13 10:37:01

Well, some people are strange jennybeadle But also, every family is different. You probably have a good relationship with your Dsis and are viewing the idea in that light. The OP doesn't have a good relationship with her sister it seems.

To just send out the date without a prior phonecall to her sister, or any acknowledgement whatsoever that it was her birthday, was unreasonable. I bet you wouldn't have done that to your sister!

The warm, considerate thing to do would have been to sent a nice note/called up saying, "We're thinking of having it on the _th, I know it's your birthday - do you mind? We can have a cake there for you!" Or words to that effect.

The OP proceeded as if she had completely forgotten/thought her sister negligible.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Mon 21-Jan-13 16:12:17

Where's the OP gone? I want to know why she's having a party six months after the wedding. Talk about dragging it out.

newNN Mon 21-Jan-13 16:09:20

She hasn't thrown a hissy fit - she has merely said that she won't be attending, which is fair enough.

MadameCastafiore Mon 21-Jan-13 16:05:22

Nothing wrong with it. Not a milestone birthday and she apparently isn't 3 years old so throwing a hissy fit is a bit pathetic IMO!

jennybeadle Mon 21-Jan-13 16:03:23

I'd have been delighted if my sister chose my birthday for her wedding - a double treat! Aren't people strange...

Crinkle77 Mon 21-Jan-13 16:00:45

It would be if it were a special birthday but she sounds like she is a spoilt, jealous brat

PureQuintessence Mon 21-Jan-13 15:57:44

I think we can all see why the sister wont come to the OPs wedding. It is glaringly obvious that the OP does not exactly come across as a very Nice Person.

newNN Mon 21-Jan-13 09:34:55

For some people a birthday is a really big deal and for others it isn't. Maybe the sister has planned something really nice for that day and doesn't want to cancel it. The OP wouldn't know this because she didn't bother to ask - just assumed that her commitments were far far important than anything anyone else has going on.

wongadotmom Sun 20-Jan-13 21:34:05


Any date you choose is going to be somebody's birthday.

Members of my family have had a wedding on my 35th birthday and a funeral on my 22nd birthday.

It wouldn't have occurred to me to refuse to go just because it's my birthday - it happens every year ffs!

Your sister is being a dick

Chunkymumma Sun 20-Jan-13 20:09:56

Don't care if its the wedding ceremony or the wedding party. A wedding party is a one off and much more important than a 20 something birthday - unbelievably childish and spoilt brat behaviour from the sister. She needs to get a grip and realise birthdays aren't really that important!

Jacksmania Sun 20-Jan-13 20:06:33

lougle, I'm sorry, but your sister has ishoos shock

lougle Sun 20-Jan-13 19:59:38


I was a student when I got married. I had placements I wasn't allowed to rearrange. My DH had certain times of year that he wasn't allowed leave in. My Matron of Honour had recently moved hundreds of miles away (before the wedding, but after I had asked her to be MoH) and was only available on 3 dates. All that combined to mean that we could have one day in the entire year to get married. It was that, or wait an entire year.

I approached my DSis. I explained. She graciously told me it was fine, don't worry.

She had tears in the morning when we were getting ready.

She insisted on wearing a tracksuit top over the bridesmaid dress during the reception.

She made a point of leaving the reception early because 'it is my birthday, you know.', which would have been fine, had the reception not be finishing at 6pm, leaving plenty of time for her to celebrate.

She has never once wished us happy anniversary, never once given us a card even after 10+ years.

Every time she has a go at me, the top item on her agenda is that I stole her day.

Just don't do it.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Sun 20-Jan-13 19:50:41

But the sister has already been to the wedding! This is a party 6 months later!

Chunkymumma Sun 20-Jan-13 19:42:46

YANBU, your sister is. And childish too! I went to a friends wedding on my 30th birthday and didn't give a shit! Honestly, I just don't understand why she's being so weird. A one off wedding party definitely trumps a birthday - it's not even an important one. I can believe she said she wouldn't come, what a bitch!

Jacksmania Sun 20-Jan-13 19:31:00

Wasn't there a thread some time this past week (one of those annoying reverse AIBU ones) where the OP's DP didn't want to go to the OP's nephew's christening because it was his (the DP's) birthday?
The DP got an absolute pasting, with many of the comments being versions of "who the fuck has a birthday after age 10?" and "the DP has a birthday every year, the nephew is only having one christening''.

Where's that crowd today?

Why does the sister's birthday (every year) trump the OP's wedding party (only, hopefully, taking place once)? She's already explained why there are so few options available for the date.

trixymalixy Sun 20-Jan-13 19:29:14

I agree hopeful, it's hilarious. Mumsnet can be bonkers sometimes.

Thankfully none of my family would act as ridiculously as the OP's sister.

Binkybix Sun 20-Jan-13 19:26:59

They actually both sound a bit high drama to me!

hopeful92 Sun 20-Jan-13 19:22:21

Hehe it's making me chuckle how people are suddenly acting the psychologist on the matter - saying that there is sibling rivalry and reading into everythin the OP is saying. Don't read so much into things. It's not the OP being selfish here, it's the sister! IMO!!

BoneyBackJefferson Sun 20-Jan-13 19:22:16

"You just carry on making up stuff up, I'm rather enjoying this."

everything in the above post is a direct quote from the OP go and read it if you want to.

"I wouldn't be pandering to the sister either tbh, of it was the date that suited best. "

Good to know that you would be happy to upset your family.

hopeful92 Sun 20-Jan-13 19:19:00

I think everyone is being a bit precious about this. IMO, YANBU OP, in fact I think your sister IBU. If it's not a special birthday then what's the big deal? My brother went on holiday my 18th and took half my family with him! But that was the only week they could all do, so we celebrated my birthday the weekend after - simple!

trixymalixy Sun 20-Jan-13 19:10:21

I was posting that quote because you said that the OP chose that date deliberately knowing it would piss her sister off and that made the OP childish. The OP genuinely didn't think it would be an issue.

You just carry on making up stuff up, I'm rather enjoying this.

I wouldn't be pandering to the sister either tbh, of it was the date that suited best.

BoneyBackJefferson Sun 20-Jan-13 18:57:41

only have every other weekend free and have some other holidays booked in which mqke this the best date

It's not the only date, but as I have explained above it's the date which best suits us.

I'm not looking for another date

I am comfortable with my choice and thinky sister is being ridiculous.

Will see about patching it up once everything confirmed, more for my mum than anything else, She will probably change her mind nearer the time, or at least I will provide her the opportunity to do so.

Everything is on her terms even the patching up, she could even change the whole thing to another date but won't. Her sisters feelings have been completely dismissed.

But if you want to quote one thing that makes your point feel free to do so.

Binkybix Sun 20-Jan-13 18:48:36

I see what you mean Jamie - but I think it's the attitude that the (vanished) OP approached this with here that has got some people's backs-up - ie not accepting that it would have been polite to talk to the sister first, being clear that all her other commitments were also super-important, being uppity with people who disagree etc.

If the sister doesn't have/want to plan something specific then I agree she is being stroppy if she doesn't go, but if she does have something I think she's fine not to. She did go to the wedding itself, and a party 6 month afterwards does seem to be dragging it out somewhat.

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