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Aibu to hold a wedding reception on sister's birthday?

(346 Posts)
Sexolette Sat 19-Jan-13 17:04:33

I'll keep it short.

We recently had a tiny, family only wedding with the plan always being to have a party in the summer.

We are organising said party now and have juat sent out info to people to hold the date.

My sister has told me that obviously she is not coming as it's her birthday and why would she want to go to someone else's party on that day.

I haven't risen to the bait. Am I being unreasonable to hold the party on that date? ?

It's not a milestone birthday, mid twenties.

Sexolette Sat 19-Jan-13 17:16:25

Thanks moomins!

Pinot Sat 19-Jan-13 17:17:04

My guess is you're either close in age to your sister (I.e. have always competed) or you're a lot older and resent her being coddled as the baby.

I love a bit of amateur psychology grin

Foggles Sat 19-Jan-13 17:17:10

You might not celebrate your sister's birthday, but I'm sure she would want to.

flowery Sat 19-Jan-13 17:17:38

Did you at least contact her first and say look, this date would really be the best for our reception, hope you don't mind?

Or did you just send her a save the date card?

Pinot Sat 19-Jan-13 17:17:46

Ooh poo. I am shite at psychology.

Sexolette Sat 19-Jan-13 17:18:10

Nice try Pinot, but neither.

It actually didn't occur to me that she would have a problem with it.

gertrudestein Sat 19-Jan-13 17:18:15

If I was in her position, i'd probably be a bit offended that you hadn't at least asked me first. Obviously I'd be really happy for you and want you to have the wedding date that suits you most, regardless of the birthday issue. But I think it's a bit unreasonable not to have even asked.

Having said that, my family does celebrate birthdays.

Perhaps your sister's birthday is more important than you realise, because you never actually see her on that day?

Sexolette Sat 19-Jan-13 17:18:54

I sent her a text, our main method of communication.

LaCiccolina Sat 19-Jan-13 17:18:56

U sent the invites out? So she found out by getting the invite? U didn't call first and say er best weekend for us and friends is x is this clashing say a holiday or something for ur birthday? If not we will go for it? Or anything approaching a conversation???

Just sounds like uve been one upping between u for donkeys years and ur doing this again.

gertrudestein Sat 19-Jan-13 17:19:44

as in .. more important to her

DawnOfTheDee Sat 19-Jan-13 17:19:45

Neither? So you're not close in age to her but neither are you not close in age to her..? confused

CloudsAndTrees Sat 19-Jan-13 17:19:50


It's not about being precious about birthdays. I'm not at al precious about my birthday, it usually passes completely unnoticed by anyone except my own Mum, children and DH.

I'd still be a bit hurt if my sister wanted to take a day that was special for me and make it all about something special for them, especially a family occasion.

Don't you think it might be you that's being a bit precious about your party? Because face it, it's not really a wedding reception if its happening months after the wedding.

Euphemia Sat 19-Jan-13 17:19:59

YANBU - your sister needs to get over herself. She's an adult - I'll never understand adults who want a fuss made about their birthdays.

Pinot Sat 19-Jan-13 17:20:02

What is the age gap ::not giving up yet::

wigglesrock Sat 19-Jan-13 17:20:13

You've already got married anyway, having a party 6 or so months after the event is a bit of a stretch anyway. Why a midsummer Saturday? Why would you willing choose to create such a drama? You must have known this wouldn't go down well, did you not to have a word quietly before, feel her out about it.

Tbh I'm not a big birthday person, but really you couldn't see this might be a awkward?

Overreactionoftheweek Sat 19-Jan-13 17:20:31

If you'd mentioned it to your sister first and explained it's the only date that works, maybe she would have been fine. But to just send out invites and not even acknowledge that it's her birthday...well I think that's rude.

And I was certainly pissed off when my bil and sil choose my 30th for their wedding

Sexolette Sat 19-Jan-13 17:20:49

Laciccolina how on earth you can reach that conclusion on info prpvided I don't know.

The wonders of mumsnet. .

ChristmasJubilee Sat 19-Jan-13 17:20:56

You could have it as a joint celebration with a cake and candles for her and she could invite her friends. You could have your friends and a wedding cake. One venue, one band, one meal. Or choose another day.

DoodlesNoodles Sat 19-Jan-13 17:21:06

YANBU. It's only a birthday FFS. How childish of your sister. What about suggesting it as a joint wedding reception and birthday party. Ive obviously no idea if that is feasible but just a suggestion.
Did you speak about it with your DS beforehand? If not, then that was probably a bit inconsiderate of you.
Does she know that it is the only date you can do.
TBH I am amazed other posters think you are BU.

Are you actually able to change the date.

Foggles Sat 19-Jan-13 17:21:55

If I was your sister, I'd come to your reception and put a big birthday cake in the middle of the table. grin

EuroShagmore Sat 19-Jan-13 17:22:07

YABU. You should have discussed it with her beforehand.

HollyBerryBush Sat 19-Jan-13 17:22:22

Well, if you arent particularly close to her I cant see the problem TBH

If it was a significant birthday, 21 or 50 and none of the zeros inbetween, I could see it as inflamatory. So unless her birthday is that specific Saturday rather than that being the closest Saturday, then she is just being a mare.

I'll say it again - people don't own dates.

CloudsAndTrees Sat 19-Jan-13 17:22:22

If it didn't occur to you that it might hurt your sister, then you are probably as self centred in real life as you are coming across on here.

Gomez Sat 19-Jan-13 17:22:29

Not precious about birthdays at all. But would expect my sister to at least say what she was planning not send me a generic save the date card.

And what about the rest of your family - have you checked the date works for them? No holidays booked in the summer for example.

I think your also need to consider that this may not be viewed as a wedding by others - your wedding was ago - so this is really just a party too, with no more importance that a birthday party.

Sexolette Sat 19-Jan-13 17:23:03

She didn't find out on an invite people! !!

5.5 years pinot.

It's fine, she obviously has the right to say she's not coming. I just find it odd. Clearly you lot don't! !

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