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WIBU to speak to DB (or phone Jeremy Kyle)?

(15 Posts)
mademred Sun 20-Jan-13 15:33:27

Yep , she married my older brother, had couple of kids , ( countless affairs) then kicked him out, divorced him ,moved my other brother in, married him, then kicked him out divorced him , moved some other poor blighter in dun the same to him.god knows how many times she did brothers still talk but it will always be the elephant in the room.

DontmindifIdo Sat 19-Jan-13 16:43:39

BTW - if she's a very cool customer, she might when told about the 'gossip/rumour' she might just say "thank you for letting me know." or "oh right" whatever you do, at that point don't be tempted to say "well is it true????" Just say "I thought you should know." and leave it at that. Otherwise it will be you accusing her, it'll be her horrible SIL accusing her of shagging about.

Keep the higher ground, but don't promise not to tell your DB, don't promise to hide it.

Shelby2010 Sat 19-Jan-13 16:21:01

I think DontmindifIdo has the right idea. If they don't yet have DC together, then it would be better for DB to find out what she is like before they do. Especially as it would be very difficult for you if she does get preg and your DB assumes he is the father when he might no be. Much more difficult to sort things out without Jeremy Kyle if that happens!

DontmindifIdo Sat 19-Jan-13 15:55:21

wait, so the bloke she slept with said it was true to you, but you dont know if he's telling the truth or not? And your SIL's own sister has told you she's shagging about... Sorry but it does sound like everyone knows expect for your DB...

Your poor DB.

Anyway, what to do, I think I'd speak to SIL, tell her you've heard some gossip about her, there's a rumour going around that she's slept with X and that X himself is telling people all about it. Don't say "I know you've shagged X" or that you think that it's true, just that this is the gossip. Then go quiet. She will either deny it, or tell you a load of reasons why she's ok to shag about behind your DB's back. If she does the latter, you then give her a deadline to tell your DB or you will. (Best it comes from her) if she does the former, then say that you just thought she had a right to know what was being said so she could try to squash the rumour. At least it might mean she's aware you are hearing about it.

To be honest, eventually your DB will hear about it, she's open about sleeping around, she's not trying to hide it, sleeping with men at work, sleeping with other men in her own house and telling her own sister about it. She's not even trying to hide it.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Sat 19-Jan-13 15:46:58

Blimey, awkward, mademred? confused

akaemmafrost Sat 19-Jan-13 15:44:31

madamred what the same ONE woman? shock

mademred Sat 19-Jan-13 15:38:56

All you will do is make him defensive and more determined to stay with her, I know from personal experience, I have three brothers , two of which both married the same scumbag woman.just be there when he needs you.otherwise leave them be you won't get thanked.

wishitwasnt Sat 19-Jan-13 15:26:58

I know you're right but can't help feeling that he's too 'nice' to see what's right in front of him, feel like if no-one else says anything he'll just keep getting strung along and never be happy.

FeistyLass Sat 19-Jan-13 15:25:50

oops italics fail

FeistyLass Sat 19-Jan-13 15:25:04

^Nothing you've heard or said so far has any kind of proof or foundation.
It's all gossip and whispers.^

This ^ ^
Don't say anything. You have no proof and an obvious history of disliking her.

AreYouADurtBirdOrALadyBird Sat 19-Jan-13 15:22:39

I agree with Worra

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Sat 19-Jan-13 15:21:17

She sounds horrendous but you are naturally protective of your DB so dare you risk breaking his heart by pouring out your suspicions? Sorry, but butt out.

I would urge you to step back, you can still let him know you are there for him. People might say oh you sound jealous, have a grudge against her. If she is as duplicitous as you say, she could twist it all. Don't try and find out things behind her back or stir things, it'll get back to her and blow up in your face.

She'll either get fed up and go, or he'll find out for himself.

WorraLiberty Sat 19-Jan-13 15:20:30

I'd stay well out of it.

Nothing you've heard or said so far has any kind of proof or foundation.

It's all gossip and whispers.

Your Bro and SIL are two of whom you clearly don't like and that's bound to cloud your 'judgement'.

ineedanewmiddlename Sat 19-Jan-13 15:17:39

Your DB will not want to hear or believe it. Do what you think is best for your DB.

wishitwasnt Sat 19-Jan-13 15:01:56

Getting really concerned about DB and SIL, tbf what SIL is doing, but don't know if I'm being overprotective and should leave them to live their own lives or say something to DB and possibly cause WW3.

I'll be honest and admit that SIL and I have never been close or got on particularly well but I've tried to get on as well with her as possible but it seems like every month or two something else happens that leaves me distrusting her/not liking her more and more and I can't help feeling that she's only bringing my brother down. I don't want to make light of the situation but it's really starting to feel like I'm watching a Jeremy Kyle show every time I see/suspect her doing something else and I'm not sure what to do - want to talk to my DB about my feelings/suspicions but don't know if I should.

In the past there's been incidents where I'm sure she's lied to me, DB, my parents and a few other people but it's never been something that could be proven one way or the other. She's said some horrible things about me to a friend (without knowing at the time they were a friend of mine) then when I challenged her she completely denied it, but I believe my friend. Her own family have nearly completely cut her off because they believe she lied about an incident involving her, which if true even involved lying in court, but again it wasn't something anyone had any proof about. I've also got suspicions about whether or not she really did become pregnant 3 months after me (after behaving very jealously) and then have a mc 2 months later, which I know is a horrible thing to suspect anyone of faking but I feel like I can't trust a word she says anymore, especially as she seemed to use that to 'guilt' my DB into marrying her, which I don't think he would have done otherwise.

The latest 'incident' is that I've got a lot of reason to think she's been having at least 2 affairs behind DB's back. DB works long days and SIL works pt so for 3 days a week SIL is at home on her own. She works in the same place I do, though in a different part of the organisation, and a colleague mentioned hearing some gossip about her sleeping with another colleague after a company night out (which I wasn't at as it was only for that department). Normally I don't pay a lot of attention to gossip but it worried me after how I already see her so I spoke to the colleague concerned and he confirmed it, but I barely know him so I have no idea whether to believe him or not. Then, it's wrong I know, but I asked her sister who still has contact with her about it (as I have her on my FB) and she said SIL has even told her she's had two blokes round (not at the same time) while DB has been at work because DB doesn't sleep with her as much as she wants and she 'gets bored'.

Would like to leave it up to DB to decide what to think of his own wife and what to do but I don't think he knows any of this, he always thinks the best of people and has quite low self-esteem so think he just wants to keep her and buries his head in the sand about what he's like. If I spoke to him about all my suspicions he'd take me seriously but then I'd be the one causing all the upset - don't know what to do.

Feel like there's so much to this that my head is buzzing so sorry if I've missed half the story and end up dripfeeding.

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