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to be suspicious/upset about texts from FIL

(23 Posts)
milf90 Sat 19-Jan-13 12:44:41

I have a bit of a like/hate relationship with FIL. he seems to be fine one minute and bitchin' behind my back the next. iv also caught him making fun of my dad (which really upset me and my dad has cancer so i think its a bit :/)

OH is upstairs doing work, his phone kept going off so i lent over to see if it was anything important (ok, ok i was being nosy!) now i have no idea how to use his phone, but his messages with FIL came up and i did have a read... there wasnt many on there, but one really stood up from 27th December. OH asked him "what was happening with seeing granny" and FIL text back an hour later saying "can you give me a ring when you have a minute", then another text straight after saying "when milf90 isnt around". :/

back story about what was happening that day - i think im being made out to be being unreasonable because i had made lans to see my friend with lo and then an hour later SIL and FIL announced we were seeing granny - then OH said no milf90 is busy and shes not cancelling her plans because she never gets to see her friend.

back back story - he has sent texts like this before that i have seen. when OH had an iphone i used to play games on it at night when i was doing night feeds when my ipod had ran out of battery. one upsetting one was OH saying milf90 is "very upset" (i had pnd) and FIL saying "she gives up to easy". i will NEVER forgive him for that one. he also told SIL that we should abort LO (just after i nearly lost him, i had had a lot of bleeding). iv also seen lots of glimpses of texts about me when we've been cuddled up on the sofa together and OH has quickly cleared them from the screen - i have no idea what they said.

is this normal? do PIL always bitch about you and your family to your OHs?? is this something that i just need to get used to?

and am i unreasonable in thinking that the "when milf90 is not around" text is not them planning a nice suprise, but so he can have a bitch???

MaureenShit Sat 19-Jan-13 12:48:13

I don't understand any of it.

Nanny0gg Sat 19-Jan-13 12:50:32

I think you need to have words with your DH, who needs to have words with his father.
He shouldn't be entertaining any of those texts about you in any way. He needs to put a stop now.

Sirzy Sat 19-Jan-13 12:52:09

It could mean anything. Why not ask rather than try to guess

DIYapprentice Sat 19-Jan-13 12:53:01

It's not nice of FIL, and yes he probably does want to bitch. BUT.... you're married to your DH, and clearly he hasn't got the balls to stick up for you and tell his DF to not talk about you like that so it is your DH who you should be getting upset with right now.

NotSoNervous Sat 19-Jan-13 12:54:06

I don't know if its normal but I know my in laws but h about me but not to DP because he wouldn't have it and defend me straight away. It sounds like you need to talk to your DH about this

HecateWhoopass Sat 19-Jan-13 12:55:25

your problem here is your husband.

He should not be colluding in this.

I hope that he isn't.

He should be saying No. You will not bitch about my wife to me.

No. I won't hide this / call when my wife is not around

etc etc

Is he doing that?

saintlyjimjams Sat 19-Jan-13 12:55:43

I was about to be outraged at FIL calling you a milf then realised it's your nickname hmm

Iamsparklyknickers Sat 19-Jan-13 12:57:03

Yup. It's up to your oh to put a stop to those comments made to him.

It's not hard to say "don't talk about milf90 like that". If he accepts it then he's condoning it.

Personally I don't give a shiney shite what's said behind my back by people I clash with, for the sake of dp I'll put a shallow veneer on relationships that are important to him, but I expect him to back me up 100% if it ever crosses a line, that works both ways.

milf90 Sat 19-Jan-13 13:02:33

he's not my husband....yet. i think he might be proposing soon (i overheard him talking about ti with my friend), which is another reason FIL might have wanted to talk to OH without me overhearing, but i seriously doubt it.

i am annoyed with OH that he doesnt just say im not having any of be fair when he has sent texts like that he has ignored them. i think he just wants a quiet life and doesnt want to upset me, because FIL obviously doesnt like me :/

I was about to be outraged at FIL calling you a milf then realised it's your nickname

LOL i kept writing my name out and then realising that wasnt a good idea ;P

Iamsparklyknickers Sat 19-Jan-13 13:07:00

Digression, but you're what my nan would have called a 'soviet satellite' I.e. picks up everything going on around them! Meant in the nicest possible way!


milf90 Sat 19-Jan-13 13:10:11

"Digression, but you're what my nan would have called a 'soviet satellite' I.e. picks up everything going on around them! Meant in the nicest possible way! "

haha sorry! theres just so much that has gone on in the last few years with FIL i dont want to put it all down and bore you all! hope i havent confused you all!!

as for the soviet satellite - i like that :P

Nanny0gg Sat 19-Jan-13 13:13:17

If you do end up marrying your DP, he's not going to have a quiet life unless he nips this in the bud now, because his father isn't going to stop without being told.

thebody Sat 19-Jan-13 13:14:11

Gosh, you seem to be living the life of a spy..

Stop snooping and start talking to your dh.

I also thought your fil was referring to you as a milf.!

HecateWhoopass Sat 19-Jan-13 13:18:18

oh, sorry. I just saw you call him your father in law and assumed you were married.

You're going to have to deal with your partner's dad (and your partner needs to strap on a pair too grin ). It's not going to get better all by itself.

HecateWhoopass Sat 19-Jan-13 13:19:45

oh, now that first sentence sounds really PA hmm

I did actually mean sorry for assuming. grin

ThinkAboutItOnBoxingDay Sat 19-Jan-13 13:21:05

I think you need to let your dp know you are upset about all this. If you don't tell him then to 'some' extent you can't blame him for going down the quiet life route.

If he knows and still doesn't put a stop to it then i would worry about the lack of support.

Do you have any idea why you FIL doesn't like you?

gordyslovesheep Sat 19-Jan-13 13:28:29

you seem to 'accidentally' read his texts a lot - stop snooping, grow up a bit, talk to you DP and ignore you DP's father

seriously I can't even see what he's done that's so awful

CatsRule Sat 19-Jan-13 15:28:11

I think you and dp need to heave a serious talk.

I'm very much disliked by my pil and they do bitch about me and dh but not to dh as he has pit them in their place before.

This problem will not get better when ypu are both need to address it now.

CatsRule Sat 19-Jan-13 15:29:20

Oh typos are getting worse...stupid phone! grin

SquinkiesRule Sat 19-Jan-13 17:50:40

Your Dp needs to learn to defend you when it comes to FIL, he should be calling him on his rudeness each and every time and FIL will then stop.

AnyFucker Sat 19-Jan-13 18:36:05

You seem to conduct much of your life as a witness to it

Reading texts not meant for you, "overhearing" conversations about something as important as a proposal

it's all very odd

perhaps if you engaged in the real world a bit more and stopped "accidentally" finding out stuff, you would feel a bit more in control of your own destiny 'n' shit

everlong Sat 19-Jan-13 18:38:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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