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to not be bothered about talking about sex?

(26 Posts)
WisteriaLaane Sat 19-Jan-13 01:07:37

Don't get me wrong I'm not a prude but I just find it odd for example when a friend says to me I gave my dh a bj whilst he was driving.

I find it odd as she said it like it was a big taboo and ooh wasn't she so fun and naughty for doing that.

I really don't know if I am explaining myself right, but to me yes sex is great but it's a natural thing and a huge majority of the world does it. So I just don't get why some people 'show off' about it.

IfNotNowThenWhen Sat 19-Jan-13 11:10:12

That's strange. In my experience it's women who discuss sex in great detail, and men less so, although I have had discussions about sex with male friends that get quite graphic.
Most of my friends are single though. When people are in long term couples it probably talk about their sex life less, although I have had friends talk to me about sex problems in long term relationships.
I think it is totally fine to talk about sex.
It's part of life. It's important to most people, and the fact that it seems to be something a lot of people find it hard to discuss (especially in the UK) is probably the reason that so many people are quite crap at it.

ledkr Sat 19-Jan-13 10:53:27

I've heard dh's mates discuss arc with each other but I've told dh if he talks about ours he will have no further discussion material for future discussions. grin he probably does though!

BunFagFreddie Sat 19-Jan-13 10:44:56


Your DP and his family sound like my DP and his family. They all chipped in and bought their mum a vibrator for Xmas. They all discuss sex. His mum even told me that DP's sister's sex life was suffering after she had the baby. Apparently her vagine was like sleeve of wizzard. I couldn't believe she told me and I was shock shock shock

I don't mind discussing sex as a subject and having a laugh about smutty things, but I don't want to hear intimate details. I don't want to share mine either.

WhatchuTalkinBoutPhyllis Sat 19-Jan-13 10:36:21


I have one particular friend who just goes on an on about it.
Anyone would think her and her "bf" were the only people in the world having sex. A 10 minuet convo will turn into 40 in which she details positions, rhythm, speed etc.

I don't mind discussing my sex with her but i don't need it rammed down my throat.

no pun intended

BertieBotts Sat 19-Jan-13 10:15:24

Although - TBH I'd probably say something about oral sex while driving, talk about driver distraction!!

BertieBotts Sat 19-Jan-13 10:11:19

Me and DP differ wildly on this.

He will happily talk about sex with anybody and doesn't get embarrassed or think anything is off-limits (aside from some stuff I've made it quite clear I'd be embarrassed if he shared!) he just thinks it's a normal thing to talk about, as normal as discussing cooking tips or whatever.

I find it really bizarre! I don't mind discussing sex in an abstract way but to be specific is cringeworthy. I even find it hard to talk to someone I'm sleeping with about what I like, it's just embarrassing.

I think it's just down to how it was approached in your family - DP's family are really open about sex - one year all of his sisters bought their mum a vibrator set for Christmas [boak] and they're very open about things in discussions etc. When we started sleeping together DP had been shopping for his parents and (apparently, I wasn't there) unpacked the two boxes of condoms he'd bought on the table with all of the shopping! blush blush My family is way more repressed about sex. I couldn't even watch a TV programme or film with a sex scene in the same room as my mum without feeling deeply mortified. Our discussions about sex have gone pretty much as far as "Make sure you use a condom!"

I think DP's attitude is, probably, more healthy than mine. Although it's awkward when he unwittingly gets into conversations with very hopeful sounding swingers and doesn't realise until they start trying to grope him grin

ItsAFuckingVase Sat 19-Jan-13 09:49:53

Me and my friends talk about sex all the time! Perhaps it's because they're very mostly men?

thesnootyfox Sat 19-Jan-13 09:45:07

Even when we were in our 20s my friends and I didn't discuss our sex lives. At most people would divulge if they slept with a new partner but no details were given, lots of details were shared about the lead-up where they went on dates and what he said etc but nobody discussed what they actually got up to.

I can't imagine any of my friends discussing blow jobs or revealing information about their sex lives, it would feel very weird.

BunFagFreddie Sat 19-Jan-13 09:10:08

It's not vair naice, and why would anyone else care unless they are pervs?

carabos Sat 19-Jan-13 08:56:21

My former business partner talked about sex and other intimate things all the time, in the way that anyone else would talk about what's in the news or on telly.

She discussed the smallest details every time she had sex and wanted to know every morning if me and DH had had sex the previous night. I found it distressing and embarrassing.

She had absolutely no boundaries around stuff like that and was just as bad with people she didn't know very well, and clients. It was mortifying and is one of the many reasons why we aren't in business together now.

I'm sorry but I'm always a bit hmm when people talk about sex. Bottom line is, it's just not vair naice is it?

ledkr Sat 19-Jan-13 07:34:02

I have a friend who tells us the "riskay" things she does with her dp. Sex toys threesomes etc. I think a lot of it is crap tbh. I think it's a bit "the lady doth protest too much"
The other day she asked if I'd like to do this or the other, and I said that after only six years with dh I still find our "normal" sex amazing so don't feel the need at the moment but would be happy to try x y and z should we feel things need spicing up. Cue a big ramble about how fab their sex is and they don't need to do all the other stuff. hmm

Joiningthegang Sat 19-Jan-13 07:23:43

I'm with echo

EchoBitch Sat 19-Jan-13 01:39:54

Sex shouldn't be taboo but it should be private i think.

I'll keep mine to myself and you keep yours.

We can still be friends.

WisteriaLaane Sat 19-Jan-13 01:32:47

^^ Agreed.

Actually I see what you mean about forums not being real life. Maybe IABU.

I just don't find sex taboo or naughty so I'm just a "meh" when people talk about it.

The friend said it almost like an announcement. Wasn't sure whether to clap her or not grin

EchoBitch Sat 19-Jan-13 01:31:41

I just don't think about my friends and their sex lives.

<<shakes head and coughs>>

And i don't want them to tell me about it.

EchoBitch Sat 19-Jan-13 01:29:20


That sounds painful.


AgentZigzag Sat 19-Jan-13 01:26:14

Forums are different to RL though.

I wouldn't talk about what I get up to on here, or in RL either if the truth be known, but I have done in the past with good friends laughing at the bollocks you get up to.

It's not trying to make out you have a better sex life to other people, or 'look at me, aren't I zany and spontaneous', it's just laughing about things you have in common with people you're pretty sure will also find it funny.

With the people who've said it to you in RL, what kind of context are you talking about? Down the pub? Round your house for drinks? The school coffee morning?

BunFagFreddie Sat 19-Jan-13 01:25:41

I just kind of assume that the couples I know must be having some sort of sex an a semi-regular basis at least. It's between the two of them and I don't really want to hear about it, because then I'll be stuck with the mental image forever more.

WisteriaLaane Sat 19-Jan-13 01:22:27

Not being specific about the friend comment. I mean more comments from other people, mainly things I read on forums.

They use sex stories and except you to think oooooh aren't they naughty and how exciting they are.

When to me it isn't a taboo subject as the vast majority of people do it, so therefore I fail to see how people think they can show off about it.

WisteriaLaane Sat 19-Jan-13 01:20:27

My sex life isn't great because I just don't feel the need to tell friends or a public forum where I've had sex etc.

Erm .... ok. I happen to enjoy my sex life and don't need to "spice things up"

I was using my friends comment as an example. I see it on forums too.

It's like well I had sex at Alton Towers (therefore I must have a great sex life and all of you should question your own)

I don't wow aren't they naughty.

AgentZigzag Sat 19-Jan-13 01:19:18

I suppose it could signify a level of intimacy you have with the friend that she talks about it, if she's OK in other aspects of your friendship.

If something came up in conversation and they added to it with something they'd done it'd be less weird than just dropping it into the conversation while you're letting them into the house.

Maybe she doesn't see it as showing off but just talking about something she's not embarrassed about?

Not something I'd do at my time of life but it's not a taboo subject to most - apart from it being dangerous to give someone a BJ while their driving.

BunFagFreddie Sat 19-Jan-13 01:18:51

Most people I know don't tell me about their sex lives and I don't tell other people about mine.

prettypolly1 Sat 19-Jan-13 01:14:49

Clearly your sex life isn't great then...!

Maybe you need to try spicing things up a bit then?

If you're friends, you should be able to have a giggle about stuff like this and share tips/experiences/stories.

Try lightening up a bit smile

allthegoodnamesweretaken Sat 19-Jan-13 01:14:32

My MIL is really bad for this. It makes my skin crawl.
I'm not a prude either but i really don't need to hear about the ins and outs <snigger> of other people's sex lives ESPECIALLY my in laws'!!

PomBearWithAnOFRS Sat 19-Jan-13 01:11:18

I'd have done hmm that and asked her if she'd ever read "American Gods" where the man and woman are both killed when he crashes his car because she does that...

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