How do you move on, when you know you have completed your family?(37 Posts)
I know I am lucky, two lovely kids. So how do I shake this sadness and move on?
Then maybe you're not ready to move on? Why not go for no 3?
Ignore all this "go for 3" nonsense delaying the inevitable. The baby/pre school stage will end. Whether you have 1 child or 5 eventually the last one goes to school - in the same way I am sure you felt pangs at leaving school/university/moving on from a place you were happy in. Its life - stages come to an end and its fine to mourn them. The next phase is exciting though the places you can go and experiences you can have with older children - fab!
I have 3 under 5 in my 40s.
We are tight for money.
But I'm still bloody!!!! I doubt we will have another though - mostly because of my age.
In my case 'going for a 3rd' wasn't to delay the inevitable.
DC1 was a contraceptive failure! i hadn't wanted children, but when she arrived i fell head over heels for her and then wanted another because i didn't want her to be an OC like me.
I thought i'd be crap at motherhood but i took to it like a duck to water and when i tried to tell myself to stop at 2 i felt an overwhelming sadness. I felt tlike there was someone still to meet ...
Could not shake the broodiness (the 1st real broodiness i'd had) and went for no.3.
Wonderful, wonderful experience, having no.3. I was confident in what i was doing by then from the BFP to birth and onwards. Lovely to see the 3DDs growing together.
After no.3 i felt my family really was complete.
i've had to learn how to move on without having completed my family. i am very lucky to have what i have, i love what i have but i will always have to live with not naturally completing my family. i also have to accept being 48 despite looking and feeling around 38. weird stuff. i felt old years before i would have due to my body having early faulty fertility and thus making me feel old and washed up. it is normal to feel sad despite what you have, but you get used to it, it does fade :0
I thought I was done at 2
I had dc3 "accidentally" - she was a Mirena failure!
It was only when she was born I realised 3 was What I yearned for.
I had the 'sadness' after ds. I was ecstatic when ds had A vasectomy before dd2 was born. I was very ill, it was inevitable!
I've wanted three children, since i was little. Im blessed that dh agreed and we have 3 healthy dc. I count my blessings every day.
With the 3rd i spent more time playing with her rather than jobs etc and doing things i never really enjoyed, but she does.
As i know she is the last, i do things differently, but am aware that when ahe goes to school, i will need to be doing something for me. Currently thinking a few ideas through.
As for moving on,i give things away or sell them with little regret.
Its nice knowing they are going to more children to be played with or worn etc
I agree that the feeling of almost mourning each stage is just natural, and I think its wrong to see t as a 'sign' that your family isn't complete. It would be quite possible to have 4 or 5 children and still feel the same as you do now when the youngest started school.
Really, deciding on your family is a mix of head and heart. Think about what you AND your dh want and balance that with the rational factors like money, housing, what kind of experiences you want to offer your children (and those don't just come down to money. Many people find they are able to do things and go places with 2 children of similar age which they couldn't do if they had a 3rd 'late' baby)
We have 2, but considered 3, and what tipped the decision in the end was our lives overall. I had continued working through having the kids and 2 had cost us loads in childcare . 3 would have meant seriously thinking about stepping back in my career and could have made things hard long term
I also wouldn't worry that you'll have regrets once you've made your decision. I can't regret a child i never had and didn't know. I think also once you're some distance in years from all this you it will feel different
I tried to convince myself. We have just had dc2, 7 years after dc1. I kept having miscarriages and just didn't want to put myself through that any more, but deep down I knew I wasn't done. So after a 5 year hiatus, we tried, and it worked and I am so happy!
Now those heartbreaks are so far away, I am wondering if 3 is what I want? Then I remember its not up to me....mother nature may have something to say about it, and I will be back to convincing myself that what I have is enough!
If you both want it then time for a discussion maybe? I suppose it depends how big the sacrifices would be.
I think that when children are still small even in the early primary school days it can feel a bit 'is this it?'. Though children are out of the house for part of the day you are still tied to the tyranny of school term dates, special assemblies, fetes (worse than death) and what you can or cannot put in a packed lunch.
As the children get a little bit older and more independent the freedom does start to come.
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