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To expect DP to prioritise my birthday over nephew's christening?

(172 Posts)
Winterbluesinmyhead Fri 18-Jan-13 16:34:08

This year, my birthday falls on a Sunday. When I saw DP's brother at Christmas, he mentioned two possible Sundays for his son's Christening, neither of which were the Sunday of my birthday. Today I get home and open an invite addressed to myself and DP announcing that the christening IS on my birthday.
Because I have to work the Friday and Saturday evenings of my birthday weekend, I'd said to DP that rather than having a big night out with him and friends on the Saturday as we usually do (I wouldn't expect people to come out on a Sunday night when they have work in the morning) I would just like to do something nice with him during the day. The christening is a long drive away and going to it would scupper any birthday plans of mine. I naturally assumed that DP would say we couldn't go, but instead he reckons there's no way he's missing his nephew's christening (even though he doesn't believe in God?!). While I wouldn't tell him not to go, I've told him that I'm not keen on going myself, to which he just said fine! I'm really smarting now. I understand that his nephew is important to him, but surely I should be important too? Since we had set aside the day to do something for my birthday first, AIBU to feel hurt about this?

AngryTrees Fri 18-Jan-13 16:48:13

Christenings aren't just about God. It's an important family occasion, a chance for family and friends to see each other and it will mean a great deal to your partner's brother and his wife. If he doesn't go it would be quite sad for them. He wants to go to celebrate with them and see his nephew.

You could easily have a meal in the evening or plan something for after the event. It might not be the whole day but it's still enough time to celebrate your birthday as well. One event does not butt out the other.

VisualiseAHorse Fri 18-Jan-13 16:48:15



That baby will have one Christening. You will have another 50 birthdays. Get a grip. Why don't you just make the next/previous weekend your birthday weekend instead?

CwtchesAndCuddles Fri 18-Jan-13 16:48:20

You are being VERY unreasonable.

ShipwreckedAndComatose Fri 18-Jan-13 16:49:54

you need to grow up!

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Fri 18-Jan-13 16:50:23

If I didn't like them I'd probably pull a face and minimise the time there and maximise the time spent alone together.

If I liked them I'd be happy to do that on my birthday with lunch somewhere nice before or after or dinner out or something... make the drive etc part of the day.

Whether I liked them or not, I wouldn't expect my partner not to go and I woudn't not go either, it's rude. The only exception would be if we had already arranged something that couldn't easily be re-scheduled.

lilolilmanchester Fri 18-Jan-13 16:50:29

can't believe an adult posted that OP, so also assume it's a reverse AIBU...

otherwise, sorry OP, your DP will be prioritising his nephew's christening because his nephew will always be his nephew. You, on the other hand, if you don't stop being so childish and self-centred, might not be his OH for much longer.

Fakebook Fri 18-Jan-13 16:50:31

Your dp eh? Glad he has been given a chance to dump you before getting dragged down the aisle for an eternity of hearing "me first me first"
from you.


Alisvolatpropiis Fri 18-Jan-13 16:51:00


NewYearNewNagoo Fri 18-Jan-13 16:51:10

one christening, lots of birthdays.


And what Trills said.

schoolchauffeur Fri 18-Jan-13 16:51:30

Sorry I think you are being unreasonable. I'd look on it as positive thing- its your birthday, family meet up, lots of people there will surely turn into a bit of party anyway at which people will be only too glad to celebrate your birthday well as your nephews christening. It ought to be a lovely family day, surely??

Even my DD whose 16th birthday two years ago clashed with the only date MIL could get at venue for her 70th party, ( MILaw gave my DD the right of veto to say that she would rather the party was held on another day) was happy to have her own celebrations on another day. AS it turned out her graciousness was well rewarded as MIL treated her to a new dress for the night and a haircut, she had a special extra cake at the party and all the rellies were pre-warned it was my DDs birthday too and she ended up with mountains of gifts, cards and cash she would not have got otherwise.

As she put it "grandma is only going to have one 70th- I could have another 70 birthdays...".

bbface Fri 18-Jan-13 16:51:37

I have a feeling the OP won't be back. And too bloody right!! You should be just a tad embarrassed OP!!. Not going to bother getting specific, but my view is as all the above posts. To be clear, YABU

Spartak Fri 18-Jan-13 16:51:50

Why not try to book the Saturday off work, go up the day before and stay in a nice hotel nearby. You could have a nice champagne breakfast or something.

IDrankAllTheGravy Fri 18-Jan-13 16:52:07

Do you have children?
If not then why don't you go out for a nice meal after the christening with your DP? Surely you'd have plenty of time for it if christening is in the morning/lunch time, show your face at the after party thing for an hour or so then move off home and go out.

Yabu btw

TidyDancer Fri 18-Jan-13 16:52:35

OMG this has to be a reverse AIBU.

Otherwise the OP is acting like a spoiled brat. Of course the christening takes priority, it's not like there were even concrete plans for something specific for the birthday.

But I would bet my last penny on this being a reverse.

DoodlesNoodles Fri 18-Jan-13 16:52:52

Another YABU. and childish.confused

HyvaPaiva Fri 18-Jan-13 16:53:03

'I naturally assumed DP would say we couldn't go' grin Really, OP? Why?

You make yourself sound entitled and intense.


NorksAreMessy Fri 18-Jan-13 16:53:10

Is this ACTUALLY a unanimous AIBU?

And I don't really understand how you can think you are not.
This makes me a bit sad

SirBoobAlot Fri 18-Jan-13 16:53:50


How old are you op? 8?

Grow up.

feetlkeblocksofice Fri 18-Jan-13 16:54:42

YABU and you probably know it, deep down.

ivykaty44 Fri 18-Jan-13 16:54:44

sorry but you have a birthday every year, a family gathering for a baby nephew is going to trump a birthday in this house.

I had a great 16th at a wedding - incidently that was a Sunday

OurPlanetNeptune Fri 18-Jan-13 16:55:32

This year one of my ds will be celebrating his birthday a whole month earlier because a very important family event clashes with his actual birthday. We will do a lovely breakfast, cake and opening gifts with him on his birthday. When we suggested this you know what he said? 'Cool like the queen I get to celebrate twice'. He is 6.

YABU. Seriously.

MadBusLady Fri 18-Jan-13 16:55:51

Well, I'd be miffed about the timing too, I don't understand this MN consensus that adults aren't allowed to value a nice day that's about them once a bloody year.

But "I naturally assumed that DP would say we couldn't go" does make you sound scary and princessy.

snice Fri 18-Jan-13 16:56:24

this is going to be one of those rare things-a unanimous MN YABU

Goldmandra Fri 18-Jan-13 16:56:26

Christenings are not just about welcoming the baby into the church, although that is a very important aspect of the event of course. If this were the case the local church-goers would be the only attendees.

For many families it is also a rite of passage and an opportunity for the family to get together and welcome the child into their midst. It is often just as significant as a wedding or a funeral.

Your DH wants to be part of this important family gathering. He wants to welcome his nephew into his family.

This isn't him putting his nephew above you. This is him putting a significant family even above a minor annual celebration.

It may be that you family culture values birthday celebrations over baptisms but this clearly not the case for your in-laws. You need to accept this and rearrange your birthday celebrations if you require a whole day to be devoted to them.

YABU ridiculous. How old are you?

Did you really think that people would say you were not?

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