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To feel upset at schoolgate comments?

(108 Posts)
1979Liz Thu 17-Jan-13 23:37:38

I am feeling rather devastated by a comment made about my son by a grandparent at the schoolgate this week. I had just picked him up (he is in Reception), and as I called my son by his name, the grandfather, who was stood right next to me turned to his grandson and said rather loudly "Oh, (my son'a name), isn't he the naughty one?". He then looked directly at me. My face showed my shock, but I didn't respond I just smiled at him and walked away feeling utterly crushed.

Now I can't say my son is an angel. He has found it difficult to adapt to a more structured environment. He is bright and gets bored easily and can have a tendancy to get distracted and distract others. He is not aggressive and has never hurt another child in school ( though had a tooth knocked out in Dec when another child headbutted him in the face!), but I have been asked for a word twice this term as he has ignored his teacher and then because he emptied the sand tray with a friend all over the outdoor play area. These are the first issues I have been made aware of but obviously they may have made me a little sensitive over his behaviour.

I am really shocked that someone could be so unkind. I could have cried. I am now so concerned that my son has been labelled and that the parents could be telling their children that my son is naughty.

Do I need to get thicker skinned about this sort of thing or am I right to be upset and concerned?

marjproops Fri 18-Jan-13 19:56:24

Feel for you OP. i took DC once to a birthday party and the entertainer, when she heard her name, said, into her mic -'0h, xxx, ive heard about you'. what????? and then a child fell over at some point, my DC was at the other end of the room and this twat again said, into her mic-'oh did xxx push you over?' I was too shocked to say anything. i didnt even KNOW the woman, obv my DCs name had been floating around. Autism. thats what I should say her name is!!!!

some people are just insensitive and quick to label. its hard to wear a thick skin when infamy sets in.

dayshiftdoris Fri 18-Jan-13 20:18:31


IME at school gate, the ones labelled by the kids as the naughty ones have without fail been genuinely poorly behaved and in a couple of cases behaviour has led to dx, haven't yet seen it spontaneously revert into good behaviour without intervention by parents.


I live and breathe this crap - child with challenging behaviour that was ignored by the first school (I went into the head after he bit 4 children in a week and she couldnt see my issue), a second school that did a bit of poor management & a bit of ignoring and then when I pressed the issue (which included writing to the Governors to ask for tighter behaviour management - a letter that was never answered) they told me they were failing him and I should move him sad

I sat in meeting with professionals acknowledging what I did at home and school shrugging and moaning that they had no money.

Now in a school that understands ASD... challenging behaviour is still there but school and I use the same technique, he is risk assessed and their is ongoing assessment and review of strategies. A particularly bad week recently prompted them to honestly review the situation and tweak... me too.

I am bloody lucky but been on a long journey to get here... it not that simple that if parents intervene then they are somehow cured at school... I am not even at school and I have NO control over the decisions they make - good or bad.

My approach to parents at the 2nd school was to be completely upfront and tell them I shared their concerns. This school - I am trying to be invisible so that parents don't where to come... I am sick of justifying myself to people who have NO IDEA what it is like to have vicious, nasty comments aimed at their children usually from other adults... At the age of four I overheard him being called a 'fucking little shit' by his nursery keyworker.

No child deserves that... ever.

TreadOnTheCracks Fri 18-Jan-13 20:21:38

Sounds like you are doing all the right things monstermissy, certainly this thread shows we are not alone.

This too shall pass (soon please????smile)

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Fri 18-Jan-13 20:24:08

Some kids are naughty. Your child is one of them. It's not that big a deal. Hopefully school will manage to provide him with structure and discipline and it won't be an issue anymore.

TreadOnTheCracks Fri 18-Jan-13 20:28:04

dayshiftdoris. Encouraging to hear that you have found an understanding school. I have worked in two schools (as a TA) and there are massive differences in how they deal with behaviour.

dayshiftdoris Fri 18-Jan-13 20:33:45

Thanks Tread

Have to say and much greyer, older and wiser.... and know that there are hundreds of parents and kids out there in schools that do not cope well but who escape the glare of parents in playground.

If you're child is angel but sits in a class with a child with challenging behaviour then they are affected... if you don't like it then schools have head teachers, governing bodies and sometimes parent forums.... use them and leave us knackered parents alone.

dayshiftdoris Fri 18-Jan-13 20:34:22

I meant the schools dont cope but escape the glare of the playground... jeez

KarlosKKrinkelbeim Fri 18-Jan-13 20:38:23

"I have been asked for a word twice this term as he has ignored his teacher and then because he emptied the sand tray with a friend all over the outdoor play area."
Is this for real? Surely there is more than this? This is NOTHING.

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