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Hen do shortfall - who should pay?

(62 Posts)
ViviPru Thu 17-Jan-13 07:20:26

With two months to go, a friend (Mary) has dropped out of my hen do. Yesterday's email to her requesting payment prompted her to check her diary and realise the trip to Italy she booked last week clashes.

Problem is, when the hen do was originally organised and booked, it was on the basis of her confirming that she was definitely able to attend. This means there is now a £150 shortfall.


~The hen do has been arranged by my friends

~When initially discussing my expectations/desires for a hen do, my main concerns were that it ought to be as equidistant as possible from all attendees and have the option of a scaled-back attendance and consequent reduced cost for those with kids (this was fulfilled)

~I suggested that I wasn't comfortable asking anyone to pay more than £120 in total at the very most.

~Mary does not have children

~Last year I attended Mary's hen do, which was a similar cost up front, and cost me about £350 when all was said and done.

~It's only just come to light to me that Mary is the only one who did not pay 50% deposit last autumn. I don't think this is because she never intended to come, more that she is quite difficult to pin down by email, rarely checking her hotmail emails, and not able to use work email for personal correspondence. I was not aware of this prior to the hen do being organised, we tend to communicate via text mostly.

~In her words, she's simply had a 'blonde moment' in double-booking this weekend which is wholly believable. She's very upfront and if it were about anything other than a genuine oversight, I believe she'd have said.

~I recognise that having friends organise my hen do on my behalf might have left me open to a situation such as this arising. Had I done it myself I could have chased Mary up for the deposit before Christmas and the situation wouldn't have arisen. My friends were keen to do it for me though, I only ever wanted quite a simple do and with so much else to organise I thought I may as well hand it over.

~At this point in time, I do not have the exact details about what monies have been paid that are non-refundable etc. I was just told last night that without Mary's attendance, there is a £150 shortfall.

~No mention has been made of money by Mary. I don't know if she is aware that her dropping out at this late stage has the consequence of a shortfall.

~The organisers suggested we just share the cost between the other attendees, but Im not comfortable with that and have said if it comes to it, I would rather cover it myself.

~I am aware this is not strictly an "AIBU" question.


Who ought to pay the missing £150? Mary? Me? The organisers? The remaining hens? If Mary, how should it be handled?

DeepRedBetty Thu 17-Jan-13 10:16:55

What TheCatIsEatingIt did was very sweet, is there anyone in that position in your circle of friends?

ViviPru Thu 17-Jan-13 10:17:27

Oh MsV. So wise ;)

MTBMummy Thu 17-Jan-13 10:26:27

Vivi it's a deal - actually CYB is where DP and I plan to get married next year :-)

Ceremony, then bike ride, then party - I couldn't think of a better wedding day - well for DP and I anyway

ViviPru Thu 17-Jan-13 10:29:38

Yeah me neither! I'd love to have got married there, you lucky thing!

morethanalltheteainchina Thu 17-Jan-13 10:40:59

I would send her an email back saying something along the lines of "Ok, hope you don't mind that you will lose your deposit though as obviously we've already had to give this to the venue etc blah blah blah'

This should then prompt her to either a) say "shit, I never even paid the deposit, here it is, sorry once again" and then I would cover the balance myself or b) say "oh I never paid the deposit to start with haha!" in which case I would cover the full cost myself and think that Mary was a cow

FriendlyLadybird Thu 17-Jan-13 10:41:13

I think Mary should pay at least the deposit, but probably not the full £150 if that includes food, drink, and an activity. Basically, she needs to cover her share of the cottage rental, which is a fixed price and you're not going to be able to reduce, but not the food and drink etc. because she will not be sharing in it and it can just be scaled back.

StuntGirl Thu 17-Jan-13 10:51:02

Aef @ £12

StuntGirl Thu 17-Jan-13 10:51:55

Arf @ £120 being the scaled back version!

(Fat fingers!)

Haughtyculture Thu 17-Jan-13 11:13:31

I think that in an ideal world Mary should cover the costs but chances are I would just end up putting the shortfall in myself and make a mental note not to invite Mary to anything expensive again

ViviPru Thu 17-Jan-13 11:34:08

No, StuntGirl, £120 was what I suggested should be the maximum cost for those attending the whole weekend.

fromparistoberlin Thu 17-Jan-13 11:34:23

but try mary first

tough titties

and not fair AT ALL to others hens

Gryffindor Thu 17-Jan-13 20:24:45

Mary should pay the deposit, I think you should pay the rest.

I got married last year and couldn't stand the thought of my friends paying a fortune for a hen night on top of the costs of actually coming to the wedding, new outfit etc.

Instead we just went for a boozy local meal. I was a bit upset because a few close friends cancelled with extremely implausible excuses, but in the end, I was glad that I spent time with the friends who actually bothered to show up, and when the bill arrived I paid the lot as it was actually not bad for the 10 of us. Luckily it was just after payday!

I honestly would have hated a big extravagant weekend-long do.

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