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to not want to tell people the sex of my baby?

(208 Posts)
CheerfulYank Wed 16-Jan-13 22:46:13

I'm due in May. DH and I know the sex but would like to keep it to ourselves. (I want to have the big "it's a boy/it's a girl" moment in the hospital. blush)

My mother keeps asking me about it, sending me emails of things that are stereotypical "boy" or "girl" things and asking if she should buy them.

She has a friend who does exquisite linens for nurseries and has offered to make some for me. My mom said on the phone "I haven't even messaged her about anything recently because she'll want to know about the bedding and I don't know what color to tell her!" I said "can't you tell her in May? The baby will sleep in with us for awhile anyway so I'm not concerned about the nursery." Apparently not, though. hmm

My brother, whom I have a difficult relationship with anyway, hates secrets or surprises of any kind. He sent me a few Facebook message saying "I don't get it" and "is this some "thing" people do now?" This is his way...he tries to make me feel stupid until I agree with him or do what he wants.

Even my best friends are talking about how they'll "get it out of me" and the general consensus seems to be that I'm being selfish. sad

AIBU not to tell? I just want to keep it between us and the few random mumsnetters I've told for awhile. Plus our pfb has been an only for almost six years and we are trying to include him as much as possible, so we were thinking he could make the announcement.

squeakytoy Wed 16-Jan-13 22:47:50

your own fault for telling people that you knew... why on earth didnt you tell them that you wanted it to be a surprise..

orangepudding Wed 16-Jan-13 22:49:09

You should have told them you didn't find out the sex. I get annoyed when people tell me they know but won't say, don't know why but I do!

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 16-Jan-13 22:50:01

Tell her the colours; green; yellow; red; cream; teal (my choice). My MIL wanted to know the sex. It was very sad because she had terminal cancer and wanted to buy some things in the 'right' colour as she was given 6 months to live when I was three months pregnant. Unfortunately the bastards in this country wouldn't tell me the gender. Fortunately, she lived to meet DD and buy her lots of pink clothes!

Don't tell, keep them guessing.

MardyBraWouldDoEddieRedmayne Wed 16-Jan-13 22:52:08

I think YABatinybitU.

If you hadn't let on that you know, then it would have been OK. But I can see that it's really frustrating for friends and family.

MardyBraWouldDoEddieRedmayne Wed 16-Jan-13 22:52:34

Congratulations on the pregnancy btw.

spongeypants Wed 16-Jan-13 22:52:48

Oh dear, you have a few more months of this yet. You should have kept the fact you know a secret.

Isn't the its a boy/girl thing lost when you actually know? Though somebody I know was told 90% its a girl and it was a boy so maybe it will be a surprise.

shesariver Wed 16-Jan-13 22:54:17

I kind of think YABU, why on earth did you let on you knew if you didnt want to tell people?!

MsVestibule Wed 16-Jan-13 22:54:26

Yep, second and third squeaky and orange. You should have just told people you didn't ask the sonographer. Otherwise it's a bit like "we've got a secret, na na na na na na".

Having said that, if your friends and family know you want to keep it quiet, they should just wind their necks in. The trouble is, they're now going to be a bit pissed off, so the big "it's a boy/it's a girl" moment in the hospital. is unlikely to go as well as you'd hoped...

shesariver Wed 16-Jan-13 22:55:21

Oh just read this again I want to have the big "it's a boy/it's a girl" moment in the hospital - dont get this if you already know the sex? confused

Cailinsalach Wed 16-Jan-13 22:57:25

I think having your ds announce it when you are ready to tell the world is a brilliant idea. Your family: your business. Do it your way.

bedmonster Wed 16-Jan-13 22:58:33

You sound like a control freak tbh wink

I want to have the big "it's a boy/it's a girl" moment in the hospital.

Why? For who? You already know don't you? Your Mum is just asking as she wants to get some stuff. Other people really don't care as much as you. And, well, you already know confused

All this secretiveness after you've told people you know just seems a bit attention seeking. And why not just tell your pfb now?

Sorry, seems harsh when I don't mean it, but why would you tell people you know if you actually wanted to keep it to yourself?

Pourquoimoi Wed 16-Jan-13 22:59:12

YANBU. It's your right to tell or not tell but perhaps it'd have been easier to tell people you didn't know.
I had people constantly asking with DS2, we genuinely didn't know the sex before he was born but had many scans for medical reasons so my mum thought we knew and weren't telling. It was really annoying as we genuinely didn't know but if I had known I'd probably have wanted to keep it to ourselves. There isn't a lot to announce at the birth if you've already told everyone it's a girl you're calling Sarah is there??

catinboots Wed 16-Jan-13 23:01:07

What bedmonster said ^

5madthings Wed 16-Jan-13 23:02:12

Aww it us hard we found out the sex with ds4 and family knew we knew but that we wanted to keep it a surprise for them. They actually wanted iut to be a surprise so were happy not to be told smile and didn't hastle to fund out.

We didn't let anyone else know that we knew.

Just tell them you are keeping it a surprise, end of discussion.

But you were a bit draft for letting them know thast you know.

Will you tel me?! Go on pm me!! grin

Thundercatz Wed 16-Jan-13 23:07:49

Agree with bedmonster in the nicest way. I know some people who've done this "we know but won't tell" and it just comes across as a bit parentzilla and attention seeking. I didn't know why but it does...Like you are trying to make the gender of your child a bigger deal to the rest of the world than it really is... A bit self important. Sorry thats just my opinion from having been on the receiving end of this!

CheerfulYank Wed 16-Jan-13 23:15:26

I lol'd at "control freak" because that's the farthest thing from me normally, but I accept that I may be in this instance. grin

I tried to tell people I didn't know but I'm a rotten liar. Plus, I'd discussed it as a hypothetical thing I might do a few years back with my best friends when we were discussing find out/not find out. A few months ago one of them actually admitted she'd done this when she had her DD two years ago, but no one knew she knew.

5madthings Wed 16-Jan-13 23:19:56

Yes its very hard to pretend you don't know!

AKissIsNotAContract Wed 16-Jan-13 23:22:16

Tell them the wrong sex.

MummytoKatie Wed 16-Jan-13 23:23:56

It's going to be very difficult to keep secret as you will start thinking he/she in your head and sooner or later it may pop out.

FWIW we found out today. Dd was with far she has happily told her ballet teacher and a friend that she is going to have a baby brother. We've told parents. I'll tell work people tomorrow. I don't see why not to tell people. It means you get an additional joyous moment. grin

HollyTheHedgehog Wed 16-Jan-13 23:24:08

So what is it?

MooncupGoddess Wed 16-Jan-13 23:26:47

Can't you say there's always a possibility of a mistake so you'd rather not say just in case?

Oh and then point out there is no reason to gender-code a tiny baby, so just to buy clothes/bedding in colours the givers like grin

Willdoitinaminute Wed 16-Jan-13 23:43:39

We knew the sex of our DS and kept it secret but at the earlier scans they got it wrong and when they eventually confirmed he was a boy we were able to tell everyone that it wasn't what we thought thereby confusing all of them.
We drove my MIL crazy by only discussing girls names. And even though he was a planned section we had the last laugh, he had to be delivered at 36 weeks because I was developing preeclampsia. So my DH had the pleasure of ringing everyone with the surprise news.
Even then he told his mum DS was a girl because she was convinced he was a boy, but she was wasn't fooled when he told we had chosen the name Marguerite.

CheerfulYank Wed 16-Jan-13 23:55:14

I guess to some degree <going to come off as a complete nutter blush> I feel bad that this baby isn't perceived as being as "special" as DS parents had no other grandchildren, PIL only had one, no one in my close circle of friends had children...and now of course all that has changed.

My bonkers mother has "jokingly" said things like "oh I don't feel like we even need another, DS is perfect" or "it better be a girl, another boy would be in DS' shadow." hmm She has also flat out said that she's sure DS will always be her favorite. (Before I got pregnant with this one)

All of that, added to being violently ill through my first trimester and then recently having a bad strain of the flu and having to have special ultrasounds and doctor's appointments... I think I'm just being over protective. That's a bit much, isn't it, helicopter parenting someone still in the womb! grin

PaellaUmbrella Thu 17-Jan-13 00:03:22

I know some people who've done this "we know but won't tell" and it just comes across as a bit parentzilla and attention seeking. I didn't know why but it does...Like you are trying to make the gender of your child a bigger deal to the rest of the world than it really is... A bit self important.

I totally agree with this, sorry.

I can understand when people don't want to find out themselves, if they want it to be a surprise - fine. But if you have actually found out, I don't understand keeping it a secret from your family. It is a bit parentzilla.

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