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To find friend with newborn a teensy bit smug

(123 Posts)
1500mmania Wed 16-Jan-13 22:37:33

Ok I know I am being V unreasonable but just wondering if anybody else has experienced the same.

Friend has always bit a bit of a know it all but is lovely otherwise. I was first out of all friends to have a kid and sort of muddled along best way I knew and think I did a pretty good job. Was really looking forward to friend having baby and having someone else in the group to share the sometimes mundane but wonderfully exciting world of babies with.

Anyway friend is completely sorted, done tons of research and v much doing AP - which is great for her but (although I ebf) AP wasn't for me or my DD. anyway I sort of feel like friend is a tad patronising with me, insinuating if I had coslept/used sling my baby would be sleeping through like hers, generally seems super duper confident (and a teensy bit smug) was even giving me advice on my toddler the other day.

I know I'm a total bitch for even thinking this way (obviously being super sensitive) don't know why I'm even thinking like this but its really grating on me. Friends baby is only a few weeks old so she has it all to come but has anyone else felt like this - or am I just a cow.

PartTimeModel Thu 17-Jan-13 14:29:06

Just wait ............ grin

lolaflores Thu 17-Jan-13 14:29:18

Grapey winding as we speak but am lactose intolerant. Any suggestions for an alternative all knowningness?

lolaflores Thu 17-Jan-13 14:30:30

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PartTimeModel Thu 17-Jan-13 14:44:58

I guess a lot of people might describe what I do as AP - slings, co-sleep, EBF, BLW for DD1 (but DD2 never took to it) but I don't see it that way. I'm just quite lazy and did what was easiest for me grin

I don't see this as being an AP issue - she just sounds all caught up in her baby and she sounds like she has an 'easy' baby so far. We get told so much when PG about how hard it will be with a newborn, when you get an 'easy' one first time I bet loads of people are either hugely relieved & count their lucky stars, or alternatively may think that they are a parenting genius and why doesn't eveyone do it this way and save themselves a lot of trouble. "Why this isn't hard at all - it's a doddle". If that is the case, she has lots to learn fast approaching, and like us all, lots of parenting adventures, surprises and challenges to come.

She may be smug she may not be. She might not be getting at you at all OP - you might be being v sensitive about it. Try not to take it personally.

Grapesoda Thu 17-Jan-13 14:46:16

And no, no alternative.

WaynettaSlobsLover Thu 17-Jan-13 14:58:03

Have you eaten your biscuit yet grapesoda

lolaflores Thu 17-Jan-13 16:18:14

Waynetta think she may have choked on it.

Posterofapombear Thu 17-Jan-13 16:21:59

I always said that babies behaviour was down to parenting.

Then I had DD.

Just smile and nod at her because its easy to be smug when you are naive!

Grapesoda Thu 17-Jan-13 17:05:50

Is there a reason for you being so offensive to me?
I have not made one smug comment or criticised anyone's choice of parenting style. I certainly haven't suggestedd that the way I do things is better than anyone else and yet I've Been accused of "pearl clutching" referring to to others as "arseholes" and now you want me to choke on a fucking imaginary biscuit.

exoticfruits Thu 17-Jan-13 17:06:21

I thought the same Posterofapombear- it makes me cringe now!
Best not to comment- just smile and nod!

lolaflores Thu 17-Jan-13 17:09:11

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countrykitten Thu 17-Jan-13 17:37:07


Grapesoda Thu 17-Jan-13 17:47:21

Oh I see. All you're really saying is that the playground bullying behaviour is acceptable because your opinion differs from mine.

RainbowsFriend Thu 17-Jan-13 18:31:51

Not read the whole thread but you could always tell her about my DD -

slings - check
bedsharing - check
Bfed - check
AP - check

Still not bloody sleeping through the night at 18months and never has - in fact everyone is telling me that the AP has caused it grin You can't win whatever way you choose to do it.

(And before I get jumped on for it - I only AP because I discovered that the way we were muddling along and using our instincts had a "name" which meant I could validate why I don't do other stuff like sleep training without a huge argument)

WaynettaSlobsLover Thu 17-Jan-13 18:43:15

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TandB Thu 17-Jan-13 18:57:20

DS1 was the ultimate Amazing Angel Baby. I take all the credit. It was all about nurture.

DS2 is stroppy, stubborn and prone to the odd bout of sleep-resistance. I blame nature.


50shadesofmeh Thu 17-Jan-13 19:18:33

Just laugh in to yourself when she has an unruly 2 year old who refuses to sleep or eat.

Twattybollocks Thu 17-Jan-13 19:53:40

Yanbu. I've had 2 nightmare babies (colic, reflux, tongue tie, bottle refuser) and was told its because I'm an anxious parent. bollocks I say, they were just difficult babies. I'm hoping and praying that this baby is sweet tempered, feeds normally and sleeps even just a little to prove people wrong!
Actually I have a good friend whos first baby is about 9 months old, he is a lovely smiley little chap, she's never had a minutes bother with him, but instead of being smug about her parenting she is totally humble and grateful to have such an easygoing baby, and has already said laughingly he will probably be a demon toddler, so I forgive her completely and am ready with the tissues for if things go wrong in a few months!

CommanderShepard Thu 17-Jan-13 19:54:24

Two words:

Sleep. Regression.

Aethelfleda Thu 17-Jan-13 20:05:14

OP, the smug and super-sorted mummies are (the huge majority of the time) lying. The other small minority are just darn lucky! There are an awful lot of good actresses in the new mum camp.

At some point when you feel up to it have her over for a cuppa and say quietly "I'm glad you're doing ok, but it's knackering sometimes isn't it?"
Then listen and you may find out how she's really feeling.

VenusRising Thu 17-Jan-13 20:12:45

It's an egg and spoon race.
And it ain't over till its over (which may be never)

Have fun with your own baby!

FobblyWoof Thu 17-Jan-13 20:19:19

I think everyone is smug with their first, especially in the first few weeks. Even the ones with screamers because they're still these precious little bundles that they've been waiting for.

I had the best little sleeper- but I knew it had sod all to do with me because she did it from day one (and I may have not told my mummy friends this because I didn't want to seem like I was showing off!)

Junebugjr Thu 17-Jan-13 20:24:35

Just cheerfully ignore it. Life has a way of de-smugging people quite fast!!

Wait til her dc is 18 months and a complete nightmare grin
I wa smug with DD1 who was a very nervy baby, but slept and ate very well. I never remember even being tired, as she slept through so early. She also went in her cot early with no fuss, and was generally easy. I used to honestly think it was my superior parenting and couldn't understand why some people had non sleepers. Along came DD2, who never slept til she was 13 months, and would scream if she even saw her cot let alone be put in it.
Just enjoy your baby and nod sagely when listening to her.

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