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To find friend with newborn a teensy bit smug

(123 Posts)
1500mmania Wed 16-Jan-13 22:37:33

Ok I know I am being V unreasonable but just wondering if anybody else has experienced the same.

Friend has always bit a bit of a know it all but is lovely otherwise. I was first out of all friends to have a kid and sort of muddled along best way I knew and think I did a pretty good job. Was really looking forward to friend having baby and having someone else in the group to share the sometimes mundane but wonderfully exciting world of babies with.

Anyway friend is completely sorted, done tons of research and v much doing AP - which is great for her but (although I ebf) AP wasn't for me or my DD. anyway I sort of feel like friend is a tad patronising with me, insinuating if I had coslept/used sling my baby would be sleeping through like hers, generally seems super duper confident (and a teensy bit smug) was even giving me advice on my toddler the other day.

I know I'm a total bitch for even thinking this way (obviously being super sensitive) don't know why I'm even thinking like this but its really grating on me. Friends baby is only a few weeks old so she has it all to come but has anyone else felt like this - or am I just a cow.

WaynettaSlobsLover Thu 17-Jan-13 00:15:22

My ebf dd slept all night because she had my tit in her mouth constantly as we co slept. Co sleeping for me personally has equalled no sleep far. Don't know about dc 3 who is due this year. You just never know.

BollyGood Thu 17-Jan-13 00:26:44

Co sleeping never worked out for us for numerous reasons but neither does trudging across the landing all bloody night either. Anyway will stop hijacking your thread OP. You are not a cow BtW

chipmonkey Thu 17-Jan-13 00:53:50

I was very smug when I had ds1. He slept through from an early age and was a goodnatured little man. I thought I had parenting sussed.
Then I had the others. Ds3 in particular knocked any smugness out of me!

Impatientwino Thu 17-Jan-13 03:11:41

Wait it out... She will soon experience the highlights of 4 month sleep regression, teething, constipation with weaning, 9 month sleep regression and so on...

Then you can smile and ask every time you see her how everything is going and is her baby still sleeping through... If the answer is no then ask again, daily smile

DH and I went out to lunch recently with our grumpy teething 6 month old and he wouldn't stay in the bloody buggy so we had to keep swapping holding him while the other had a bit of lunch, he was really whining and I ended up having to feed him and had chanced not wearing a nursing bra so it was a right faff and I had get up to change his bum and a women with her DP was looking all smug with her sleeping newborn next to them while they enjoyed their hot lunch!

I just thought ha, don't get used to it dearie, they wake up after a few weeks so this will be you soon! Just you wait!

Impatientwino Thu 17-Jan-13 03:17:22

My post reads a bit like i think my baby is just a pain and I don't appreciate how lucky I am! He's wonderful and I totally do! Sitting here having a night feed and a sneaky cuddle right now grin

YorkshireDeb Thu 17-Jan-13 03:42:16

Her baby is just a few weeks old? I remember walking round in a fog if 'everything's wonderful' in those days. I rember dp & I commenting that we couldn't understand why people argued about whose turn it was to change the nappy. Lo and behold, once the hormones wore off a bit, we had a much more realistic view - and I change way more nappies than him! Just nod & smile when she says stuff. It won't be long until she realises she does not actually know it all. X

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief Thu 17-Jan-13 04:02:29

I've actually distanced a friend over this tbh because they don't change and perfect baby will become 'advanced toddler', will become 'G&T five year old'. It does get rather wearing when the whole conversation revolves around their child. Last straw came when I went there for a state and instead of just letting the kids play together, she practically had her son doing numeracy tricks like a performing seal.

retrocutie Thu 17-Jan-13 04:17:04

I hate AP parenting. I hate the way AP parents think they are so much better than the rest of us.

knackeredknitter Thu 17-Jan-13 05:34:44

I am AP parent aswell, but your friend is extremely smug.
Part of the thing about AP is to respond to the chid's needs and no-one knows your child better than you. Also, is her baby really sleeping through already? I use a sling, co-sleep etc and at 14 months my youngest still wakes for feed at least twice in the night and often won't go back to sleep after 6am.
My 3 year old has regular screaming competitions (or so it seems) with her 7 year old brother, and also doesn't sleep through.
Soon her baby will have a growth spurt, start teething, become mobile and start asserting his needs more, and yes you are right, she has it all to come.
Just smile politely and nod away, thanking her for her advice

exoticfruits Thu 17-Jan-13 05:52:21

I wouldn't worry - it is one of those cases where you smile, nod and change the subject - she may have read up all about AP but her baby hasn't! She appears to have decided what her baby will like in advance without waiting to see what the baby likes. They are all different!

Grapesoda Thu 17-Jan-13 08:15:18

I am an AP parent (didn't know there was a name for it until I found MN). But I certainly don't feel smug about it. It just suited us as a family I think. I have plenty of friends who chose different paths and most of the helpful easily seen as smug comments haven come from my friends who've not co slept or breast fed as their babies seem to sleep for England and there's often been the suggestion that I've made a rod for my own back. They may have a point grin but I think all babies are different. I'm hoping my dc2 will be a superb sleeper smile

CatsRule Thu 17-Jan-13 09:05:53

I haven't read all the responses in my sleep deprived haze I am unable to read much but from your op yanbu.

I cosleep, used a sling, bfeed...ds is like velcro 99% of the time and he is up most of the night. Her theory of "insinuating if I had coslept/used sling my baby would be sleeping through like hers" is clearly utter crap! I have actually, not followed, but accidentally fell into the same ap style parenting as your friend and it hasn't work the same way for me. We all parent the way our child needs. Like someone previously said, no two children are the same, her next might knock the smugness out of her grin

countrykitten Thu 17-Jan-13 10:48:34

Reading this thread has made me pretty glad that I don't know people like you. How bloody mean spirited,envious and spiteful you all sound.

Cakethrow Thu 17-Jan-13 11:07:44

I have just had DC3 and when my friend was pregnant she asked me for advice. I just said 'do what's right for you' was the best advice I'd received.
Since she had her first DC just over a year ago she has taken it upon herself to 'educate' me on everything parenting/child/baby related. Unsolicited parenting advice, links to articles, trying to get me to buy things being sold by her friends (!) you name it - all delivered with a very patronising tone.
I'm too weak nice to say anything though and silently fume about it.

Cakethrow Thu 17-Jan-13 11:24:51

I'm not sure this is really an AP vs other parenting choice debate - it's really about the attitude of your friend (and countless others it seems!) who think they know it all and do everything better than everyone else.

I prefer not to label my parenting style as I do what suits me so I guess I'm a cakethrow parent.
Not sure the negative generalisations about parenting styles on here are very helpful.

BollyGood Thu 17-Jan-13 11:32:32

Bit harsh country

BollyGood Thu 17-Jan-13 11:36:53

The discussion is mainly centred around other people hoisting their unwanted advice on you and it is okay to not want to have to listen to it. With a bit of banter. We are not mean and spiteful,you are quite rude actually.

WaynettaSlobsLover Thu 17-Jan-13 11:39:20

Country get real. Wait til you have a friend lecturing you about the benefits of montessori and how bad dummies are. I doubt anyone on here is 'envious' hmm we do have our own lovely dc's and parenting styles thanks very much.

BollyGood Thu 17-Jan-13 11:42:23

And another thing, many people have very poorly babies with allergies, intolerances and 'normal' advice on sleeping, feeding etc is simply impossible to follow however well meaning. Lots of parents assume because it works for them others may not be doing it properly. I have had this experience but I certainly wasn't rude to the person I question far from it. MN is a place you can talk about your feelings. Here have my very first biscuit for being grotty.

BollyGood Thu 17-Jan-13 11:42:54

' in question'

countrykitten Thu 17-Jan-13 11:48:40

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief Thu 17-Jan-13 11:54:13

Country I'll give you her number and you can hang out with her grin.

Seriously, I have not spurned this woman. I'm just meeting her for drinks and stuff where I can steer the conversation away from kids more easily (she is a fun and interesting person). I just dont want to spend an afternoon with her engineering ways to show how much her DS can do and pitting my DS and her DS against one another like a pair of lab rats when they could just be on their scooters. They're two.

WaynettaSlobsLover Thu 17-Jan-13 11:55:30

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

BollyGood Thu 17-Jan-13 11:56:35

Can I throw some [biscuits] or is that not funny either?

BollyGood Thu 17-Jan-13 11:58:56

Country, would you have preferred posters to reply to the OP telling her she is mean, spiteful etc would that have been a more adult response?

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