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To find friend with newborn a teensy bit smug

(123 Posts)
1500mmania Wed 16-Jan-13 22:37:33

Ok I know I am being V unreasonable but just wondering if anybody else has experienced the same.

Friend has always bit a bit of a know it all but is lovely otherwise. I was first out of all friends to have a kid and sort of muddled along best way I knew and think I did a pretty good job. Was really looking forward to friend having baby and having someone else in the group to share the sometimes mundane but wonderfully exciting world of babies with.

Anyway friend is completely sorted, done tons of research and v much doing AP - which is great for her but (although I ebf) AP wasn't for me or my DD. anyway I sort of feel like friend is a tad patronising with me, insinuating if I had coslept/used sling my baby would be sleeping through like hers, generally seems super duper confident (and a teensy bit smug) was even giving me advice on my toddler the other day.

I know I'm a total bitch for even thinking this way (obviously being super sensitive) don't know why I'm even thinking like this but its really grating on me. Friends baby is only a few weeks old so she has it all to come but has anyone else felt like this - or am I just a cow.

MammaTJ Wed 16-Jan-13 22:39:52

Just wait for her to have a second DC who will be totally different to the first. Then sit back with open arms ready to comfort her. All style of parenting work, some babies don't respond to any!! grin

shesariver Wed 16-Jan-13 22:42:54

YANBU, I cant abide people like your friend.

fuzzywuzzy Wed 16-Jan-13 22:45:31

Some people are lucky and have wonderful peaceful night sleepign babies.

Then there's me who had a colicky wouldnt sleep thro till forever babies.

I'd find a nicer friend to share the baby milestones with. Life's too short.

jojane Wed 16-Jan-13 22:46:27

In my experience NO-ONE gets a perfect child. She might have a 'perfect sleeper' but baby might be a fussy eater etc and kids routines especially babies, change all the time and in a few months time it might be up screaming all night!
Also agree on next child being totally different. For example I have brought my children up in the same way and ds1 was always good at going to bed, dd on the other hand took hours to get to sleep with hours of screaming if you weren't say next to her bed. Ds2 is somewhere in the middle, although he has a chronic ear infection problem which disrupts his sleep often.

Fakebook Wed 16-Jan-13 22:47:24

What's AP? confused

fuzzywuzzy Wed 16-Jan-13 22:47:57

AP=attachment parenting.

Dramajustfollowsme Wed 16-Jan-13 22:48:58

Yanbu - I hate smug gits like that. Your time will come when she is struggling. Just wait!

financialwizard Wed 16-Jan-13 22:49:12

Just sit back, relax and watch that PFB turn into a horrid teenager.

FrequentFlyerRandomDent Wed 16-Jan-13 22:51:23


None of my babies slept through until they were about 2. Co sleeping or not.

She is just lucky or baby is still too small.

I was smug with mine for a whole two weeks. Then things changed.

5madthings Wed 16-Jan-13 22:51:35

Oh dear hopefully she doesn't mean to be smug and her baby is sleeping through at a few weeks? That's great for her but may well not last...bitter experience!

Just try to ignore it if you can, she is probably in that new baby its all so wonderful stage and will learn.

Fakebook Wed 16-Jan-13 22:53:22

Hmm. Why is everything given a name these days?

OP, so you're upset because you wanted to give unwanted advice and perhaps come across a bit smug for having already "been there", but your friend did it to you instead?


1500mmania Wed 16-Jan-13 22:54:42

Yep to be fair maybe I was a bit smug at the start - then the screaming started! I think I may just give her a slightly wide berth for awhile as we probably don't have as much in common as I expected.

poshme Wed 16-Jan-13 22:58:17

I had an amazing sleeper first baby. He slept through really early. He always settled easily. He slept for a long time. I worked really hard not to talk about it too much, and was never smug.
I know my friends hated the fact that I had an "easy" baby.

Fast forward a bit to potty training. Everyone else's toddlers got it easily. My son was a nightmare. A total nightmare. It took over a YEAR.
He was only finally properly "trained" just after he turned 4. (was fine at home btw, just would not use "strange" toilets... LONG story.

Bite your lip, smile sweetly and remind yourself - she will have problems with her kids (may even be having it now, just not wanting to say) - it all evens out!

Alligatorpie Wed 16-Jan-13 22:58:34

AP has nothing to do with a child sleeping through the night. I did t with both my dd's, one slept through the night at 4 years, the other is 7 months and still wakes up twice a night.

As a pp said, wait until she has a second dc.

When I was pg, I read a quote saying you should never criticize anyone with children older than yours. I have listened to that advice- maybe you could drop that quote into conversation.

WaynettaSlobsLover Wed 16-Jan-13 22:59:06

Jesus. Wait til the silly cow has the terrible twos to deal with. This smugness never lasts long.....

WaynettaSlobsLover Wed 16-Jan-13 23:01:12

Btw my slightly smug friend does AP...and is absolutely knackered and sometimes at the end if her tether. AP means eff all. I didn't do it with either of mine and they slept like angels from 5 and 6 months onwards. Depends on the kid.

catinboots Wed 16-Jan-13 23:02:50

WTF is attachment parenting?


Viviennemary Wed 16-Jan-13 23:04:49

YANBU. She sounds a total pain. I wouldn't see very much of her till she returns to normal.

SundaysGirl Wed 16-Jan-13 23:07:15

This happened to my sister. Turns out about three years later 'smug' friend admitted actually she hadn't had it all together, it had all been just like everyone else finds it and moments of WTF'ing and she was bullshitting because she wanted to portray herself as 'supermummy'.

She liked to give advice too. Based on what she SAID was happening with her little one's. Reality was somewhat different apparantly.

Oh and also? Yea some parents are lucky and get an early sleeper. Sorry but its bollocks all to do with superior parenting style and all to do with luck. See what happens in a few months.

MaryMotherOfCheeses Wed 16-Jan-13 23:07:53

Of course she's smug, she's got a new baby and all is going well.

She'll learn.

WTActualF Wed 16-Jan-13 23:09:23

My MIL always talks about how when DH was a baby she thought she was a wonderful parent because he was such a calm, happy baby who slept and fed perfectly etc. It was only when her second DS was born and she treated him just the same as DH but he was difficult to settle/ feed/ sleep etc did she realise that quite a lot was down to the nature of the baby, not her parenting.

Based on this, I fully expect DC2 due in a few weeks to be a challenge, since my DD is a dream child. Despite her beautiful behaviour and cheery loveliness I don't for a minute think its all down to our superior parenting and would never give advice to anyone else. Pride comes before after all. Give it time and your friend will learn this too.

CaseyShraeger Wed 16-Jan-13 23:09:26

If I'd had angel baby DC2 first I would have been an amazingly smug parent. Fortunately by the time she'd arrived I'd already had the harrowing experience of DC1 as a baby, so I knew that I was (second time round) just an amazingly lucky parent.

DC2 is now 4 and a total stropmonster, by the way. Terrible twos and threes and fours were much more of a shock, after her early placid months, than DC1's segue from one highly-emotional age to another.

1500mmania Wed 16-Jan-13 23:11:59

Catinboots - AP is (I think) keeping baby as close to mum as possible - baby wearing instead of buggies, co sleeping instead of cots, breast feeding and definitely never leaving baby to cry. Basically the complete opposite of how I was brought up!

I bf DD but the rest wasn't for me. DD hated the sling and i love my own space in bed. Maybe I'm being super sensitive that friend is so into AP and slightly feel like she thinks I didn't do things the right way. Really don't know why it bothers me though!

maddening Wed 16-Jan-13 23:13:20

Is she actually saying these things or just chatting about her journey as a new mum and you're taking it as a insult?

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