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To report DH for drink driving?

(186 Posts)
Mycatrocks Wed 16-Jan-13 21:08:16

Every week or so, DH goes out with his mates. He drives there. He gets drunk. He drives home.

It sickens me. I have tried talking to him about it but he's just not interested.

He's out tonight, I know where he is, I know he will be drinking. I am at my wits' end.

Should I report him? Would the police be interested? I don't know when he will be driving home so I can't give them an exact time.

Or AIBU? I have tried talking to him about it and that hasn't worked - I feel if I don't report him, I am enabling his criminal and potential deadly behaviour.


Thank you for reading.

Foggles Wed 16-Jan-13 22:05:56

Well done OP. You have done the right thing and I appreciate it must have been difficult.

Your DH also needs to consider getting new mates if they are happy to condone his drink/driving.

Sunnywithshowers Wed 16-Jan-13 22:08:25

Well done OP, you have done the right thing. It can't have been easy. thanks

EchoBitch Wed 16-Jan-13 22:08:45

I wouldn't report my DP but i would be angry.

misscomanche Wed 16-Jan-13 22:12:11

Good for you, I hope I'd do the same.

Mycatrocks Wed 16-Jan-13 22:12:52

virgil I have let him know in no uncertain terms what I think. I reported him because that was the only thing I could do tonight. I couldn't live with the idea of letting it go this evening and having another conversation tomorrow morning.

holly the reason I haven't decided if I am going to tell him is that this has all been pretty stressful. I don't know if I can stay with someone who thinks it's ok to drive drunk but my immediate objective was to stop it happening tonight. Everything else can be dealt with tomorrow.

foggles good point. They certainly don't help!

Thanks everyone for your support.

Virgil Wed 16-Jan-13 22:15:28

Then that's fine mycatrocks. You seem to have already reached a point where you can see that the relationship is affected anyway. My point was simply that if you report your DH to the police thus jeopardising his livelihood and business that is bound to damage your relationship when he finds out.

Casmama Wed 16-Jan-13 22:17:13

Well done mycat. Take your time deciding whether to tell your h or not as only you can any idea of what the consequences will be. Please ignore the bullshit about "having the balls to own up" that's your decision to make.

Take care.

Cherylkerl Wed 16-Jan-13 22:19:26

Well done OP, that can't have been easy. I'm sorry you have so much to think about - driving drunk on a regular basis is not the hallmark of a good person. Once is bad, but still in the realms of being a mistake that can be learned from, regretted and if there were no consequences, the driver and the poor people around them were very lucky. Regular is disgusting behaviour.

RandallPinkFloyd Wed 16-Jan-13 22:20:34

I'm sure this makes me sound like a completely unfeeling bitch but I wouldn't tell him, not yet.

I'd wait til I know he's going to do it and report him then and there so he gets pulled over. I would tell him straight away afterwards though.

If it was a one-off then yes, I'd have the conversation and give him my opinion in no uncertain terms. In this situation, finding out he's been "doing it for years"? It's gone way past time for second chances.

I know I sound heartless but it's prolonged behaviour. A genuine problem. It's not going to fix itself with just a talk. It's gone way passed that.

I've seen the fall-out from DUI's from both sides, both the victim's and the perpetrator's family's.

Maybe that colours my view.

rainrainandmorerain Wed 16-Jan-13 22:24:38

The OP hasn't done anything to jeopardise her drink-driving partner's livelihood and business. And Holly misses the point in a big way with her talk about about having the 'balls’ to tell him she's made him financially dependent on her.

HE has jeopardised his own life, and other people's, by drink driving, repeatedly, and ignoring pleas from the OP to stop it.

Hopefully he will get pulled over, breathalysed, found to be over the limit and fined/penalised accordingly.

Which is much better than drunkenly ploughing into another car or pedestrian, injuring or killing them, and getting a more severe penalty on top of the minor detail of causing injury and grief to people who are totally blameless.

I'm sure the op hasn't done this lightly (who want their dp to be financially dependent on them for no good reason?). I'm grateful she had the balls to do it, and she's done him a favour he doesn't deserve by dobbing him in before he kills himself or someone else.

PoppadomPreach Wed 16-Jan-13 22:24:44

My neighbour, a 17 year old girl, was killed by a drunk driver.

You have absolutely done the right thing.

Zavi Wed 16-Jan-13 22:24:45

I think you've done the right thing but I don't think you should admit to him what you've done because there are going to be lots of negative consequences for him - a criminal record, massive increase in car insurance, driving ban - and he will invariably blame you for that!

Please tell us what happens next.

Very brave - can't have been easy, but you've done the right thing. Hope this is the wakeup call he needs to stop this behaviour - before its too late and he hurts or kills someone ((hugs))

maddening Wed 16-Jan-13 22:33:43

Can you tell crimestoppers where dh is so they cab catch them all coming out?

Mycatrocks Wed 16-Jan-13 22:35:17

Poppadom I am so sorry to hear that. Makes me more sure that it was the right thing to do.

Rain thank you. I have tried to talk to DH, I have suggested alternatives (staying with his friend who lives close by, getting a cab home etc), I got nowhere. I just want it stop. For him, for those he could potentially hurt or kill. Obviously I wouldn't choose to be in this position but given i am in it, I couldn't duck the issue.

Thanks everyone. I am going to sign off for now but I will let you know what happens.

Thanks for your thoughts and support x

Mycatrocks Wed 16-Jan-13 22:36:27

maddening yes I have told them where he is. They said they were going to let the local police station know. I didn't think there was much they could do without catching him in the act

magimedi88 Wed 16-Jan-13 22:40:12

I salute you for your courage & bravery. You have acted correctly.

HoobleDooble Wed 16-Jan-13 22:42:40

Well done mycat I believe you've done the decent thing.

As a guess he might work out it was you if the police are waiting for him to make a move, it'll seem a bit too much of a coincidence that you've pulled him up on it, then he gets stopped.

You may have saved someone's life tonight, please let us know how you are tomorrow.

RandallPinkFloyd Wed 16-Jan-13 22:48:16

I didn't realise he was out right now.

You've done a very brave thing op. If you've told the police what time he is likely to leave they will do their best to be there and catch him.

You are a good person and you've done a good thing, don't forget that.

RandallPinkFloyd Wed 16-Jan-13 22:51:49

I mean I didn't know he would still definitely be driving home tonight, I thought you'd talked to him in the mean-time.

suburbophobe Wed 16-Jan-13 23:08:14

He is self employed and will not be able to work without his license but I earn enough to support both of us. I would rather do that than see him kill or injure himself or someone else.

Why are you willing to take him on financially when he can't even be arsed to take care of himself, his family and his friends? (driving drunk).

I wouldn't even want a man like that in my life, never mind supporting him, financially or whatever.

You know by condoning, or putting up with his behaviour you are co-dependent, I believe they call it.

Of course you have to call the police! But they're not going to sort out why you are with this man....

One day YOU could be in that car (or DC).

ImperialBlether Wed 16-Jan-13 23:16:14

I just can't understand why someone wouldn't take a cab in that situation. He clearly needs to have a drink and I would bet knowing he's driving home will stop him from drinking as much as he wants to. Why not pay for a bloody cab both ways, ffs?

I think you should have hidden the car keys and told him to get a cab, tbh. Personally I wouldn't want to live with someone who could drink and drive like that. It smacks of arrogance and a lack of care about anyone else.

And I wouldn't want to financially support him, either. No way.

AnyFucker Wed 16-Jan-13 23:25:49

He has a drinking problem, OP, yes ?

Cheeseswept Wed 16-Jan-13 23:27:54

If he ends up with no job and unable to drive is he then going to be moping about and drinking at home? I agree totally with what the op has done but concerned about the consequences for her really.

Softlysoftly Wed 16-Jan-13 23:29:23

If he's likely to get booked and come home raging and drunk just be careful. Don't have the conversation until he is Dover.

Very brave and the right choice

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