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Help - found bank letter re challenging over 1k spend in gentlemans club

(277 Posts)
Letstryagain Wed 16-Jan-13 20:43:04

Looked in h pocket when moving jackets and found a bank letter re his challenge over 1k spend in 'gentlemans' club - looked at dates and it was a weekend I was away, he was out but never mentioned going there. I have no issues with these places but wonder why he didn't say he was there & also how could anyone spend over 1,000 at a place like that? What do I do - say I saw it? Am raging? He had told me he was disputing a spend in debenhams!! Help!!!

SirBoobAlot Thu 17-Jan-13 17:14:52

The man is a twat on so many levels.

Seriously woman, have some respect for yourself. Not only does he obviously view women only as sexual items, you are telling him this is okay. He lies to you, telling you he was buying you a present, and now it turns out it is nearly two grand.

You can do miles better than this kind of bullshit.

Greythorne Thu 17-Jan-13 17:17:18

I agree completely.

It's an exploitative business on both sides. But this chap doesn't want to be exploited, he wants to be able to contact Visa / his bank and dispute the bill!

Just like you would dispute the bill if Tesco put your shopping bill through twice by mistake. Only he entered a strip joint in the full knowledge that naked women awaited him.

Rather hilarious in a sad and depressing way.

He is doubly charming: wants the extra marital sex excitement AND doesn't want to pay the going rate.

And I can't quite believe those who are saying these places "overcharge" for drinks. In a capitalist system, the going rate is whatever people are willing to pay. Sadly, exploitative men are willing to pay huge sums of money to get up close to strangers' sex organs. They set the price they are willing to pay. It's not "overcharging". You are not paying for cheap supermarket prosecco, you are paying for sexual excitement.

Greythorne Thu 17-Jan-13 17:18:58

OP - are you wealthy?

Can your family afford to piss away 2k ?

sweetestB Thu 17-Jan-13 17:29:53

I siuspect the OP is not as OK as she seems with her H's behaviour, she just needed an eye opener.

CockyPants Thu 17-Jan-13 17:37:22

Wow. Now he's asking for OPs sympathy because he was 'intimidated' into paying a bill.....
Can't wait to see how he'd react to paying the legal fees for a divorce if I'd been daft enough to marry him...
Kick him to the kerb. He's shown you he's a liar. BELIEVE HIM and get rid!

LadyBeagleEyes Thu 17-Jan-13 17:45:08

I actually used to feel quite sorry for some of the punters I worked with.
My boss (female) was very skilled in getting money out of them.
If they bought champagne she would give them free beer, and they'd end up pissed and maxing out their credit cards.
We used to make a beeline for those that were on a stopover from working in Saudi (usually Americans), they would spend a bloody fortune.

KatyTheCleaningLady Thu 17-Jan-13 17:46:38

Selling a glass of green water for £20 is "overcharging." Now, if they said, "You give us £20 and she'll sit there and drink water and act like you're fascinating until she's finished her glass of water" that would be different.

Greythorne Thu 17-Jan-13 17:52:39

I disagree completely; if you want a glass of water for 1.50, there are any number of pubs / brs / restaurants / coffee shops who sell at that price.

The moment you step foot in a strip joint, you know you are not there to buy a glass of water. You are there to pay hard cash for sexual thrills.

BarredfromhavingStella Thu 17-Jan-13 18:03:34

OP think you're getting a bit of a rough ride here though I don't believe you're really cool with him going to strip joints if I'm honest....

As for the matter in hand, he is talking complete & utter shite-yes he may have been charged extortionate prices for the drinks but as previous posters have pinted out it's most likely a lot of those drinks were bought for the lovely ladies that work there. I also think that he paid for a lot couple of private dances which is in itself fucking wank behaviour, why would you want to pay some randomer to wave naked flaps in your face, just WHY?????

Fuck what he thinks of you having a snoop or whatever, he is out of order & you need to tackle him on this, get the truth out of him & ensure he fully understands it is not acceptable behaviour-that is of course if you can forgive him & move on.

BarredfromhavingStella Thu 17-Jan-13 18:04:52

Pinted out??? hmm I do of course mean pointed out.

Posterofapombear Thu 17-Jan-13 18:49:51

For £1000 of my families money I would expect DH to take me to Paris for the weekend. Not get a stranger to wave her bits at him.

But I'm old fashioned like that.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Thu 17-Jan-13 19:00:00

£1800 in a 'Gentlemans club' and didn't even think to tell you?

Is this an insignificant amount to you both? (ie could you spend that on a weekend away with a friend, new handbag etc without thinking about it)

delboysfileofax Thu 17-Jan-13 22:12:23

I used to work as a door supervisor in one of these clubs. Just because the amount is paid by card doesnt mean it excludes lap dances ie it might not just be a bar tab. In the club I worked at customers could buy vouchers to pay the dancers that way.

On a side note some posters on here have alluded to him paying for sexual acts. Obviously I was not there but I can pretty much guarantee that would not have happened. All private dances in most strip clubs are watched over by security to stop that happening. the owners of these places make too much money to risk losing their licence

sweetestB Thu 17-Jan-13 22:18:11

But the OP was out of town and if her H was capable of doing this and lied about it, what else could he have done?? It sounds he was having a very good time indeed, not carind spending all this money in one night + having a mate there, things could have escaleted further out of the club...

LadyBeagleEyes Thu 17-Jan-13 22:21:34

That was the case where I worked delboys.
My boss was very savvy, getting the blokes pissed being surrounded by topless beauties hanging on to their every word was the way to go.
There were and are plenty prostitutes in Amsterdam, girls that took the punters away for a quickie got sacked.

delboysfileofax Thu 17-Jan-13 22:25:01

Dont get me wrong. Spending that much money is totally taking the piss, the guy's an idiot. I was just trying to give a bit more insight into the clubs.
With regard anything happening away from the club, again unlikely (with the dancers anyway) his credit card was paid to the club. I very very much doubt they would allow it.

What probably happened, and i've seen this a million times, is he opened a tab and left his card behind the bar being flash add a couple of bottles of champagne to that and its easy done

ivykaty44 Thu 17-Jan-13 22:33:21

he has a large bar bill on top of a couple or three private dances - drinks are not cheap and the girls get brought drinks to and it adds up to a very big bill..

They are rip of places as they know they can be

I doubt he knew how expensive it was going to be - but he does now

Greythorne Thu 17-Jan-13 23:29:54

you wrote: "On a side note some posters on here have alluded to him paying for sexual acts."

Depends what you call sexual act. I, too, doubt there was sexual congress right there in the club or even round a back alley. But it's naive to think these lap dancing clubs offer girls in bikinis "dancing".

It is naked or semi naked women putting their genitalia in the faces of the punters. Rubbing themselves on the punters' clothes. It is not the kind of contact one normally has in a bar.

And that's why they charge the big bucks.

KatyTheCleaningLady Thu 17-Jan-13 23:31:21

I wish I could dry hump hot guys without my husband minding.

Isn't that what lap dances are? Dry humping?

AnyFucker Thu 17-Jan-13 23:39:20

I couldn't be with someone so thick.

delboysfileofax Thu 17-Jan-13 23:52:41

Fair point. when i said sexual acts i meant the obvious, dry humping is pretty much what it is.

Basically for those not in the know, customer sits down, dancer either does a topless dance (£10 and its done there at the table boobs very close to face but never touching) or takes them backstage for a "private dance" ie exactly the same but fully in the nip and thats £20 again no touching

LineRunner Fri 18-Jan-13 00:20:28

And that's why the licensing term for them is Sexual Entertainment Venues.

HoHoHoNoYouDont Fri 18-Jan-13 00:23:07

OP, I feel so sorry for you having to go through this.

If my partner wanted to go to one of those places it would be a deal breaker for me but each to their own. I would certainly find it unacceptable that family money had been spent on such a trash event.

He lied to you too. Not good.

bellamafia Fri 18-Jan-13 06:01:58

Ok ok let's start summing up now.

He prob did not have sex. He def would have had a very close / possible touch of a dancer but like its been said, these places have guardsmen.

He prob was so drunk he doesn't recall what he spent so is questioning.

Fact is, he LIED to his wife that he went. Subsequently LIED about the query he was making on his card claiming it was to do with wife's present. And he will prob lie again!!

If the wife doesn't draw the line somewhere (and for gods sake people this is not childish!!) then he will continue to use these clubs and it only takes one time to accidently hump someone. Right ladies?!!!

Woman up for the love of god and sit him down, talk with him about what you'd found and explain how uncomfortable you have been made to feel. If he gets pissed off re your 'snooping', then like a previous poster stated, get him to realise the bigger picture. And if all else this.......


See how the twat takes to that

SPBInDisguise Fri 18-Jan-13 06:11:02

When I talked about him paying for sexual services I meant exactly the sort of sexual services that these clubs overtly provide, the sort that are watched by "security"
(so you have another man - likely - watching you grope yourself? Nice...)

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