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AIBU To think DH needs to set a better example!

(15 Posts)
GoingVerySlowlyMad Wed 16-Jan-13 16:22:41

This is quite honestly a bit petty but for some reason it has got me really irrationally angry and want some perspective!

Our DD has a host of ENT problems which means she is at outpatients at least once a month, the appointment is always in the mornings during school time as that is the only time this clinic runs.

I would take DD to about 60% of the appointments with DH doing the rest. Her appointment time is always around 10am, so due to traffic etc. it is pointless sending her to school first thing. I usually return her at 11.30.

I found out yesterday that on the days DH takes her to hospital, he is keeping her off all day as "it is not worth going in for a few hours". I work lates so was not aware of the extent this was happening. I knew it had happened once or twice when the appointment overran, not every sodding time though.

AIBU in thinking that all these days off school will really add up due to this being an ongoing problem and likely to be having these appointments for the next couple of years. I think it's setting an awful example for when she is older and working, also she will end up missing important lessons as she gets older.

DH thinks I'm being precious and few days here and there won't harm. I just feel really angry at his laissez faire attitude to her education.

GoingVerySlowlyMad Wed 16-Jan-13 16:23:57

Meant to say school finishes at 3pm.

attheendoftheday Wed 16-Jan-13 16:41:13

YANBU he should take her in. 11.30 to 3 is a good chunk of time, he's being lazy!

Lara2 Wed 16-Jan-13 17:41:06

Yes he should take her in. You're not being petty. Each day is counted as 2 attendances on registers, morning and afternoon. Everytime she's off all day that's 2 absences - so you're right, they will add up very quickly. Schools get so much grief from OFSTED about attendance and you could have the school breathing down your neck because OFSTED is breathing down theirs.And this isn't even taking into account what she's missing. Tell him to grow up and behave like an adult.

ll31 Wed 16-Jan-13 17:58:39

Have to say never brought child into school in those circs but were rare. .. depends how old child is tbh .

GoingVerySlowlyMad Wed 16-Jan-13 19:18:25

She is 8 so is learning and covering topics at a much faster rate, would be very easy to miss most of a topic the way he is going on. I really can't understand his attitude tbh. He works from home on the days he takes her to these appointments so surely it would be in his best interests to get her back to school as he always complains of not being able to concentrate.

Secondly he was grammar school and university educated and was considered a high achiever so you would think he would place a higher importance on his child's education instead of being so flippant. Glad to see that I'm not being petty or "precious" as he puts it.

StuntGirl Wed 16-Jan-13 19:40:02

I would be absolutely furious about this. I don't know how you would get your point across to him though. Could you perhaps speak with the school?

DieDeutschLehrerin Wed 16-Jan-13 19:43:05

You could try showing him this absence briefing note.pdf

Sorry it's not a live link - iPod won't allow it. Absences mount up quickly and it can make a massive difference to achievement. The document's quite good about explaining the need for positive behaviour to start in primary school.

Shakey1500 Wed 16-Jan-13 19:43:05

YANBU he should take her in.

Apologies if I'm missing something but on the days he has taken her previously, did you not ask her the next day along the lines of "How was school yesterday?" confused Thereby uncovering him not taking her in sooner?

Alibabaandthe40nappies Wed 16-Jan-13 19:46:12

DS1 has regular hospital appointments for his eyes. I always take him in afterwards, it wouldn't have occurred to me to keep him off!

Your DH is setting a poor example, I agree.

GoingVerySlowlyMad Wed 16-Jan-13 20:02:48

With working late shifts DD is in bed when I get in at 10.30. The mornings are very rushed and on the 2 occasions I have asked that's when I found out about her not going in because the clinic was running late. Other times I've been given the impression by DH that she has gone in. This has been going on since September (I used to take her to all the appointments but was finding it too much).

Only found out yesterday as the clinic ran late and I was a bit stressed driving her back to school. That's when she said "what's the problem, daddy just lets me stay off as there is no point for a couple of hours".

Think I may just go back to doing all the appointments from now on.

GoingVerySlowlyMad Wed 16-Jan-13 20:07:03

stuntgirl Have considered speaking to the school but I'm frightened they will report us and it willreflectbadly on both of us. I really worried about it whilst he just does not appear to get it at all.

GoingVerySlowlyMad Wed 16-Jan-13 20:08:12

* will reflect badly! Damn keyboard.

Hyperballad Wed 16-Jan-13 20:11:24


BlackholesAndRevelations Wed 16-Jan-13 20:16:44


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