AIBU in banning the dog?(102 Posts)
Our lovely childminder is house sitting for 6 months. House comes with a dog. She normally works from our home but sometimes takes DD (21 months) back to her house for a bit of a change. She took DD back to her new house today and introduced her to the dog without asking me. The dog is some sort of staffie cross. She said that the dog was shut in a separate room while DD napped, but was otherwise pootling about with DD and the childminder.
I haven't yet had a chance to speak to her, but I really don't want my DD in the same house as a) a staffie, b) a dog whose owner has moved away for 6 months and c) a dog that is now being looked after by someone who has never owned a dog before.
It just feels like a recipe for disaster. DD is obsessed with dogs and chases them round getting in their faces - if she's with me I tend to move her away as many dogs wouldn't like a toddler constantly grabbing at them. I would never, ever have a dog in our house I didn't know very well (my mum has a dog) and even then would be/am wary. I have had a dog in the past, and after 14 years of being lovely he did bite someone; my parents' first dog also bit my cousin who was mithering him (as kids do), so I'm more aware than most about how easily dogs can "turn".
But equally I know she loves taking DD back to her house, and I don't want to be a control freak about it... so AIBU?
Actually it also has a bearing in whether the OP claims free hours too, could be very dodgy, so she needs to check that out too.
I was just shocked at how a title, that could have been used for ease, illicited such a strong response!
'I said like a CM but in my own home, LIKE'
I don't understand this bit?!
The OP didn't say she was 'like a childminder' did she? She said she was a childminder. Which you then explained as 'And perhaps she used the phrase "childminder" to avoid typing "Regular babysitter, but not a nanny iykwim. Imagine she is a CM but in my home!" every fucking time.'
I object to her using the term childminder to describe someone who is LIKE a childminder, but isn't qualified or ofsted registered i.e. a babysitter.
Well there are plenty of threads on here from parents who are displeased with their real Offsted approved childminders for doing a lot worse than that. I would say those threads are more likely to give childminders a 'bad name' than this one.
And a 2 post rant about why she shouldn't be calling the woman who minds her child a childminder is an over-reaction imo.
The issue for the OP is still the same whether she is a friend, childminder, babysitter or anything else.
Have you discusses this yet with the CM?
That is my point, she may have said CM in order to avoid a torturous explaination of hiring a CM as a nanny blah blah.
Again, I made a small comment 'please don't use childminder if she isn't one'. That's not a 'strong response'. The rest was in answer to your question, not the OP.
If you're not involved with childminders I don't expect you to understand how annoying it is, but you could acknowledge that someone who is maybe as more of an idea than you do.
'And a 2 post rant about why she shouldn't be calling the woman who minds her child a childminder is an over-reaction imo.'
This was in response to Bogey's question. Not the OP's misuse of the word. To the OP there was 2 lines that included a please and a thank you. No rant. If you read the posts carefully you can see this and I wouldn't need to keep explaining it.
'The issue for the OP is still the same whether she is a friend, childminder, babysitter or anything else'
Actually it's not because a childminder will be insured and oftsed registered. This changes how things can be dealt with.
A babysitter is an employee and can be 'fired'. A childminder is self-employed so the process will be different.
'That is my point, she may have said CM in order to avoid a torturous explaination of hiring a CM as a nanny blah blah. '
I don't doubt that she did do it for that reason.
My point was to ask her not to. Please.
Then you asked 'why?' and I tried to explain why it's important that we seperate childminder and 'general person who looks after my kids'.
and is she is currently employed as a nanny she could have just said 'nanny', that's even fewer letters to type than childminder!
And tbh I still dont really get that it is important in the context of this thread, I really dont!
Yes, I agree in principle to what you are saying, but I feel that bringing it up here was at best pointless and at worst, counter productive.
It's important to pick-up on it when you see it. I read through first and was suprised no-one else commented. I don't know if everyone else is just more polite than me or if no-one else saw the problem. The fact that I've had to hammer home the point to you and others though makes me glad I did because it shows that people just do not understand the issue.
I think it was fine until you asked why and then I responded and the whole thing went completely off track. I didn't feel like I should ignore the question. Maybe I should have answered you in a PM?
Sorry for the thread de-tour OP!
I actually wondered why it took so long for someone to point out that she's clearly NOT a childminder if she's working from the OP's home.
If the woman was a childminder she would know that most parents would want permission for a dog to be introduced to a child.
As the woman isn't a childminder then it's quite possible she hasn't thought of it as anything other than a lovely opportunity for the child who loves dogs.
Shall we agree to stick to the point?
zoo? Or hot chocolate as its late?!
It's no less important to 'pick up on it' on a random thread that it would be to 'pick up on it' if the comment was racist or homophobic or whatever and Zoo did do it politely. To Childminders it is important <and no, I'm not one! [Shudder] If I wanted to do that much paperwork I'd be a lawyer! >
I'd love a hot chocolate thanks
and just for the record....I'm not a childminder either.
Small children and dogs should never be left together unsupervised, whatever the breed of dog. Not with Staffies, not with Bedlington terriers, not with Italian greyhounds. End of!
The word 'childminder' is defined in Chambers dictionary - the go-to resource for all crossword solvers worth their salt - as 'an officially registered person who looks after children, especially those with working parents, in return for payment'.
I'm not normally one for appeals to authority, but, in my view, this means ZooAnimals wins that particular debate.
We had a Staffie when I was a kid. He bit my younger brother once, and a male friend on two separate occasions (we were playing kiss chase on one of them - the dog was trying to protect me). I'm talking clothes-tearing, skin-piercing bites. He attacked sheep and killed chickens if ever he found an opportunity. Ok the dog could have been better trained but his aggression wasn't encouraged.
As he got older, he got more aggressive, refusing to be handled by my dad, growling and getting his hackles up at my friends and even being grumpy with me if I woke him in the night (he slept on my feet).
There's no way my DCs will be in contact with Staffies.
ineed I have 3 children, 2 staffies and about 8 foster staffys over the years. And they have never bitten anyone.
I just thought I'd throw that in as anecdotal evidence seems to equal absolute fact here.
OP YANBU not to want any breed of dog free to run around with your child.
You don't know the dog, your DCs does not know the dog or have much experience around dogs and your childminder is not the dogs owner.
I see Staffie bashing has made a return then? <sigh>
OP, based on what you've said about your child, I wouldn't want her being given free range access to a dog either, it hardly sounds fair on the dog.
Oh and dogs don't "easily turn" it takes a hell of a lot to push a dog into biting or nipping, especially a patient, robust breed like a staffy. The dog gives plenty of warnings before moving to that stage, unfortunately most people refuse to educate themselves and their children on these warning signals because they don't have a dog so why should they? So when they're bitten by the Uncles/Aunts/Grans dog they can blame the dog because "it just turned for nothing"
hasn't arrived yet
The foster co-ordinator crashed her car and is off road (but physically fine, luckily) so I am trying not to sulk too much. Although I have access to a car on Friday, so I might just go and steal a different dog from the kennels they use nearby
yanbu to not want your dc in a house with a strange dog. yabu to pinpoint the fact that its a staffy and you know it. but I'm biased I've got a staffy Sat on my knee and one at my feet. I know the risks of having a dog and don't leave the kids alone with them but neither would I if I had a dalmation. by all means speak to the woman looking after dd about the dog in general and how you feel. staffy slating comments really fuck me off
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