AIBU about old friend(5 Posts)
I have a friend who I've known for about 10 years. We used to live near each other and go out a couple of days a week, go off on weekend jollys. sometimes in a group, sometimes just the two of us. At the time we were both single
footloose and fancy free It was lots of fun.
Fast forward a few years, and i've moved away, have a partner, a young child, a large mortgage and I work full time. I'm exhausted pretty much permanently. and skint.
Friend still lives in same place, still single and still goes off on jaunts whenever she likes to many of the places I used to go with her.
I can't swan off whenever I feel like it, and to be honest I want to spend as much time with my family (particularly DD) as possible during my miniscual amount of spare time.
My friend always seems so disappointed that we're not how we used to be and I find being around her hard work because of it. She's really not interested in what my life is now (though I know she wants to 'settle down' have kids etc).
I have other friends who are single and childless and I don't feel the same about them - the friendship counts regardless of where we are and what we're doing so I don't think it's totally me.
But, here is the AIBU bit. What is bugging me is when I do make plans with other friends, she always wants to come along and it winds me up. I don't see my friends that often and I don't always want a crowd around when you've got a lot of catching up to do.
Am I being a bitch? Should I make more of an effort? Have I just forgotten what it's like to be single. Ultimately am I a mum bore who has forgotten who I am?
Just don't tell her about the plans if you don't want her to come. People grow up and grow apart and things change.
My best friend all through senor school and our teenage years was all in all to me, and me to her - we lived in each others pockets and houses, both called both our parents Mam and Dad and GPs Nanna and Granda and suchlike, and would be equally at home in either house regardless of whether the other one was there or not.
Nowadays (we're early 40s) my no2 son and her DD are in the same class at school and we smile and say Hi in the playground if we happen to meet. We get each other a birthday card, but only because we met up again once the DCs were at school, and that's about it. We've never been to each others houses, and met each other's husbands maybe three times if that.
Wittering, but an example of how things change over time. You aren't being a bitch at all, you're just on a different path, and let's face it, if you do stuff with her because you pity her/feel sorry for her, it's not good friendship really...
I'm not sure I feel sorry for her, there are lots of good things about being single.
We're late 30s hazel, why does it sound a bit schoolground-ish?
She just sounds really lonely to me. I guess it all depends on how much you like her/value the friendship. Sounds like you've moved on tbh.
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