Advanced search be surprised at this woman's opinions on First Communion and Catholic Schools..

(147 Posts)
fourfingerkitkat Tue 15-Jan-13 18:25:22

Was chatting to another mum at our toddler group this morning about my DS and her DD who are due to start school in August. I have enrolled DS in a nearby Catholic school (dh and I are both very lapsed Catholics !) as I believe it's one of the better ones in the area and I'm hoping he'll be able to attend the Catholic secondary that I went to which is a good school. Woman I was chatting to has had a few arguments with her partner who is protestant and feels very strongly against his daughter attending a Catholic school and being "brainwashed". I told her he's entitled to his opinion but my DS and DD haven't been baptised Catholic therefore they won't be making their First Communion or Confirmation and so won't be getting "brainwashed". She seemed really shocked that I was going to deny my DD a First Communion and the chance of getting dressed up in big fat gypsy wedding style dress...I was open mouthed at that point...

FeistyLass Tue 15-Jan-13 18:32:52

I doubt she was shocked at you denying your dd a 'big fat gypsy wedding style dress' confused
It's more likely that she's surprised that it's important to you that you dd attends a Catholic school but you're not a practicising Catholic.

WorraLiberty Tue 15-Jan-13 18:35:29

Yes I'd say she was definitely more shocked at your child taking up places at a Catholic school if you have no interest in Catholicism.

meditrina Tue 15-Jan-13 18:36:30

Not baptised? Better check the secondary's entrance criteria, including any future consultations about amendments (fact of, or age at, baptism is a really common question on supplementary forms).

BoundandRebound Tue 15-Jan-13 18:38:03

You wouldn't have a chance of getting in our local catholic school unless child was baptised in first year of life and parents are regular churchgoers and they take a register and the priest writes a reference

I'm opposed to religious schools personally

ComposHat Tue 15-Jan-13 18:38:07

I would shudder at the thought of any child of mine going to a 'faith school' of any type.

Andro Tue 15-Jan-13 18:38:23

What's the school's policy on First Holy Communion prep? A lot of Catholic schools used to make a big point of this (I don't know if they still do) and there certainly used to be regular Mass. The transition to taking Holy Communion was a big deal, it became very important to the pupils and those who for whatever reason hadn't made theirs felt very left out.

LynetteScavo Tue 15-Jan-13 18:38:34

"and the chance of getting dressed up in big fat gypsy wedding style dress.."

I take it these are your words, not the other woman's?

My DD is taking her first communion this year. I am looking forward to her wearing a pretty dress. I am very excited about the whole thing, actually. It will be an expensive dress, but it certainly won't be a big fat gypsy style dress.

So for that, YABU, but for her to have expected you to baptise your DC, just so they could have FHC is silly.

Monty27 Tue 15-Jan-13 18:38:52

I agree with the above posters, the woman is probably more surprised at your opinions.

lolaflores Tue 15-Jan-13 18:39:01

I thought being a baptised catholic was a basic requirement? Also, secondary schools want them communioned and confirmed I think?

IThinkOfHappyWhenIThinkOfYou Tue 15-Jan-13 18:39:08

Maybe she was shocked that you think the sheer volume of RE, the 4x a day praying, the masses, the shrines, the crucifixes won't have any affect because they won't be doing something like 12 hours of prep classes when they are 7/8.

lolaflores Tue 15-Jan-13 18:39:21

FGS its a FAITH school?

glastocat Tue 15-Jan-13 18:40:37

Are you in the UK or Ireland, as I have come across a similar attitude here in Ireland (minus the big fat gypsy thing, did she really say that?!). We are not Catholics, and my son goes to a catholic school, although they accept all denominations. We have no choice, the latest educate together school is too far away. Anyway, when our son didnt have his communion a few eyebrows were raised, mainly people surprised that we would have him miss out on collecting money for his communion!

WorraLiberty Tue 15-Jan-13 18:40:51

Oh and regarding 'brainwashing'

Just because your child won't be making his first holy communion or confirmation, they'll be no less 'brainwashed' than the rest of the pupils because they'll still have to learn about it in great detail.

thegreylady Tue 15-Jan-13 18:41:05

First Communion is a major event for an RC child and will be prepared for in school.I think the mum was horrified at your hypocrisy.

LynetteScavo Tue 15-Jan-13 18:41:23

Oh, and all DC at my DCs school have the FHC preparation, as it's done during RE, so I'm afraid even Muslim and Sikh DC are "brainwashed".

Andro Tue 15-Jan-13 18:43:43

lolaflores - A lot of churches don't confirm until ~ 13, but Baptism and First Holy Communion would be expected (expect in exceptional circumstances).

Andro Tue 15-Jan-13 18:45:44


ComposHat Tue 15-Jan-13 18:45:56

It is also bullshit that faith school = good education. By having selection criteria they effectively screen out all the kids who have chaotic homelives,parents with difficulites, finaicial problems.

It is just selection based on social class (and religion) by any other name. At least the 11+ makes some sort of pretence to be based on ability.

LAlady Tue 15-Jan-13 18:50:49

I think she's probably more surprised that you would send your children to a Catholic school if you aren't committed to the Faith. As a lapsed Catholic I didn't send my children there as felt it was somewhat hypocritical.

fourfingerkitkat Tue 15-Jan-13 18:55:57

I don't think I'm being hypocritical. I attended the secondary school that I'm hoping my kids will be able to attend and I had a good education. I thought it made sense that they would be moving up to secondary with friends from primary.

She left me in no doubt that she thought my dd would be missing out by not having the chance to dress up and be made a fuss of on her first communion day. It was nothing to do with receiving the sacrament. Whilst I no longer practice my faith I still believe that First Communion and Confirmation are serious steps and in recent years I'd have to be honest and say that I'd seen too many friends and relatives treat their DD's first communions as an opportunity for a piss up and a party and to see who can have the most flamboyant dress. I realise that a lot of people still see their child's First Communion as something far more important than this and apologise if I've offended ! And the comments about being brainwashed were from her partner....

CaseyShraeger Tue 15-Jan-13 18:56:32

Not everywhere, it isn't, ComposHat. My mother teaches at a Catholic primary that has a very high proportion of children with English as a second language (many of whom arrive at the school hardly able to speak a word of English) and a very high proportion of children with special needs. They also get, on and off, plenty of children from the traveller community, and there's no shortage of chaotic home lives.

Mind you, it's probably not the sort of Catholic school that nice middle-class parents are fighting to get their children into...

fourfingerkitkat Tue 15-Jan-13 18:57:26

I want my children to have the best education irrespective of the school or faith...

drivingmisspotty Tue 15-Jan-13 19:02:46

ComposHat I agree that faith school doesn't necessarily mean good education but if you look at stats Catholic schools have more ethnic minority pupils (34% vs 28% nationally) and more pupils fron deprived areas (20% vs 17% nationally) source:

OP I agree that is a strange attitude to thedress.

lilyliz Tue 15-Jan-13 19:07:06

Iam not catholic but lots of friends are,here(central Scotland )you do not get into the local catholic school unless baptised,everybody does communion at same age apart from some kids with learning difficulties who do theres later when they understand it better.If I were you I would double check school policy on this

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