To ask husband to look after DC while I go to work tomorrow?(76 Posts)
I collected DC from school today to be told she had complained of stomach ache and had 'loose' poo. School policy is 48 hrs at home after diarrhoea. I have never asked DH to stay home to look after any of our children when they have been ill (we have other children) as I have been SAHM. However I have just started new job and have meeting with manager tomorrow so I feel I must attend. DH is at a conference and facilitating a session. I have already sounded him out and he has said we will talk about it later. I think I can guess what is coming.
AIBU to ask him to stay home?
My parents would possibly help out if desperate but these are our kids!
It needs to be shared 50:50.
Lady Margoletta, please if a child is sick, they need their parents. No way would I give the responsibility to anyone else. Totally unfair on both child and carer. I am a health care professional. I work hard and juggle both child and career,and it is never easy, but DH and I take turns. It is accepted at work that sick children need their parents and that occasionally staff need to take time off. Why would you want anyone else looking after your child if they are poorly?
I feel for you, OP - DH and I are always juggling "whose day can be more easily disrupted" along with making sure it balances out about 50:50.
TBH it sounds like you both have "unmissable" days so I would get your parents round if at all possible, as you have that option. Separately, I would make sure you and DH agree that it will be 50:50 in all but such similar situations.
Margolotta, in the UK it is the law, I believe, that parents can take unpaid leave at short notice to cover children's illnesses and the leave should cover sufficient time to make alternative arrangements (eg chicken pox - probably emergency nanny; bit of a temperature - probably covered by the unpaid leave)
OP I agree with suggestions that in this scenario you should call upon your parents. A 'normal' day at work is a bit different.
Lady M - I'm one of those folk without a back up plan. If one of my boys is ill, I dont go to work, or I ask DH (he wouldnt think to suggest it himself). I also keep my fingers crossed that they are only every sick on my day off (this of course never happens) I don't know what my backup plan is supposed to be? I have no family nearby. My friends also work. No childminder will take a 'sick' child. We had children and we choose to work (ok we need to work) and work has to accommodate this to a certain extent.
Can you both do half a day, one of you go in extra early and leave at 12, then the other do the afternoon and stay extra late.
Obviously, this would only work in certain circumstances.
I am another who doesn't normally have back up care for a sick child ( currently on mat leave, so not a problem now).
But, dh and I are both teachers and live overseas. If our dd is sick, we are screwed. We used to alternate staying home with her if she was sick, I can't imagine leaving a sick child ith a nanny they have never met. And who would possibly want that job?
Op- I would ask your parents, especially if your dd isn't really sick.
Do I win the award for saying sick the most in any one post?
Send to school and both go to work. If I kept my kids home for loose shits they would have to be home educated.
Use back up or if you can - share the time off. You get in for your meeting and he gets in for the next part.
There is some truth in the principle earner part but by the time I went back DH was the principle earner and senior enough to work from home if he could - which wasn't always.
If your dd doesn't seem at all unwell between tonight and tomorrow morning I might be minded to send her to school - esp if there is no temperature at all. A loose poo can be from too much sugar.
I'd say you need to ask your parents as both of you sound like you need to be in work.
However, given how you've described her 'illness', I'd send her to school with a note stating that she's not unwell, it must have been something she ate! I can't imagine that 1 loose stool means you need to be off school??
Agree with Samnella
LadyMargoletta that's precisely the reason I, and several other mothers, feel they have to be SAHM's and why I left my previous job. Complete inflexibility and poor management. Hope you're not a manager!
i would rather lose a days earning than pay someone to look after my sick child.
trying to get a babysitter for DS is hard enough due to him having austism never mind when he is ill and confused more than ever
Generally I would agree about dh doing it but given conference situation I think you should ask your parents this time.
DC has had another couple of 'loose' poo's so I think may be something (sorry for too much info!)
DH has just arrived home so a decision will be made soon......
Thanks for your posts replies have been helpful.
Feeling mothers guilt as want to stay home but as am new to this job it is important to make good impression. Have put my needs behind everyone else for so long now, taken kids when having a smear, cancelled plans to accommodate kids etc (all part of being a parent I know) but this time feel DH may need to do this. Just feel the guilt......
did you or did you not say that your parents could watch the child for a few hours? if yes why are you not asking them?
Hmm.I'm not convinced even several loose poos in an otherwise well child equates to D and V.if you really think she is ill,then this sounds like the time to call your parents,it doesn't sound as if either of you can easily take the day off.
We alternated,more or less with bias towards DH - who worked full time ,with flexitime,staying home because his work was usually easier to rearrange than my part time but involving fairly rigid schedule job.We had back up till Dh's Mum got too elderly to cope with toddlers,and friend who would help - if she was free,her own DC was well and she felt being exposed to an outside bug was something she was ok with at that point in time. I love this idea that you must have cover so neither of you has to have time off - how??
Ask your parents to help
Or split it between you
Attend your meeting, and make your day short
Your DH is facilitating a conf session it would be unprofessional for him not to do that, though conf as audience member easy to get out of - he could arrive late or leave early to accommodate your meeting potentially
Have you not asked your parents? If you both have important commitments, which it sounds like, why not ask them? If you're only going to a meeting then they just need to cover a few hours?
XH and I fought about this every fucking time, which were many as DS1 had allergies that the CM insisted looked like conjuntivitus so kept kicking him out! I was the higher earner, but he didn't want to take time off. I ended up paying an emergency nanny (on top of regular CM) several times, which meant I wad actually paying out to go to work!
I think it is unfortunate as you both have stuff booked in at work today. Doesn't really sound like youe DH is that able to take time off today whereas I would expect my manager to be understanding and maybe swap a meeting?
I usually end up staying home as I can work from home but if I asked I expect DH would if I really couldn't.
I do feel I should try most of the time as I have gone back to work after maternity leave so they know I also have a committment to my DCs. They are generally very understanding.
I work 4 days a week so I can swap my day off if need be, that is the main reason I do not work 5 days - too much pressure all round!
Did you go to work OP?
I would've asked your parents in this instance. Sounds like you both have important days at work. I would hate to not turn up for a meeting with a manager on my first day back at work.
We have no back up either. No parents or friends that can look after a sick child. Either me or DH has to take time off work. DH is a teacher. His school is OK about him taking a day or two here and there (not more than 5 days a year I think is their policy), so he has stayed with ill DCs at home a couple of times. My work is pretty good about me taking him off too, although I do have to take it as annual leave now (last year different manager allowed me to take it as paid leave for family emergencies - 5 days a year...he was lovely...but new manager not so generous). Luckily DCs have not had to miss nursery due to illness for nearly a year now, so we have been fortunate not have been in this dilemma for awhile now.
Thanks for input, could not update yesterday as went to work!
Had snow over night and school was closed DH stayed home....
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