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To send DS to nursery

(10 Posts)
NurseryQuestion Mon 14-Jan-13 15:50:02

Done quick name change incase situation gets recognized.

My DS is 20 months, and loves playing with other children. Since he was 1, my mum has looked after him for the 3 days a week that I work, which I am very grateful for, but I feel that DS might benefit from some time at nursery. As I work at a nursery, it would be no extra hassle for me taking him in, and I know everyone there and am completely happy with the staff so on.

I mentioned to my mum that I will probably be starting him at nursery soon, but that I wasn't sure whether I'm going to have him in for 1 or 2 of the days yet.
I explained that I wanted him to go to socialise and play with other children, and that I'm perfectly happy to have her looking after him the other 1 or 2 days. My mum completely flipped about this, was in floods of tears, saying that I'm putting him in danger, that loads of children get abused at nurserys, that the staff will hurt him if I fall out with them, so on.

I tried to explain for about 20 minutes that I know the staff, that I'm even in the same building, that if he wasn't happy there I would take him back out of nursery, and that theres never been any abuse at our nursery so on.
The problem is my mum has always been very anxious about pedophiles, to the point she even complained about me going to the head masters to get a sticker at primary school etc.
Should I wait until he's preschool age/potty trained before starting him to stop her panicking so much, as it's not completely necessary for him to go, or should I just carry on anyway and hope she calms down once she realizes he's fine there?

Icelollycraving Mon 14-Jan-13 15:57:05

Perhaps something happened to your mum to make her so anxious.
Ds is your child,if you feel he needs more interaction with other children,then make the decision.

Groovee Mon 14-Jan-13 15:57:18

What about letting him just go a couple of mornings and let your mum have him the rest of the time. She may feel you think she's not doing a good enough job caring for him.

PomBearWithAnOFRS Mon 14-Jan-13 15:57:35

How far are you prepared to go to accommodate your mother's "issues"?
You have to balance what you think is best for your son against pandering to her neuroses (or hurting her feelings - how do you actually think of it in your head? Is she neurotic/driving you mad/being ridiculous or is she just worrying, and what lengths will you arrange your life and your son's life around what she wants?

threerings Mon 14-Jan-13 16:01:42

Your Mum sounds very sweet and caring. But for your DS it will be the best thing for him to go and interact with other kids. At his age it will be hugely benefical to him when he is older in forging relationships later on in his life and social awareness.
I can see why your mum would be anxious but he will be in very safe hands so maybe you just need to reassure her of that. Good Luck.

Floralnomad Mon 14-Jan-13 16:04:20

I'm sorry but he's your child and you need to do what you think is best for him. Your mother obviously has issues but you shouldn't allow them to run your sons life .

Sugarice Mon 14-Jan-13 16:05:24

Your Mum sounds like she will always be super anxious, imagine when he starts school and goes to friends houses to play.

Send your ds to nursery if you think it will benefit him, all you can do is reassure your Mum that he will be fine.

snowybrrr Mon 14-Jan-13 16:14:31

Why don't you or your mum take him to a toddler group? I'm inclined to agree with your mum one to one care from someone who loves him is much more better for a one year old than a baby farm nursery

NurseryQuestion Mon 14-Jan-13 16:29:49

Thanks for the advice, needed to know I wasn't just being selfish.
Icelolly, I'm pretty sure nothing happened to her, she worries to extemes about a lot of things, thinks there's lots of conspiracy theory's etc. I just don't want to make her worse about things, but as suga said I guess it's always going to be a problem about something or another really.

Snowy, I do take him to a toddler group on a monday morning, but it's only for an hour and a half a week, I'm not sure if that's really enough as he's getting older.

Booboostoo Mon 14-Jan-13 17:11:26

You mum does not sound reasonable in her worries, she seems to be quite scared with no particular reason. I suspect that if you don't address this over the nursery, you'll have the same discussion over something else, so it might be worth trying to get to the root of what is causing her anxiety.

As for DS, my DD started nursery two weeks ago (19mo) and she's a had a great time. I am a SAHM so DD goes more for socialisation and fun than because I need childcare, two mornings a week seem to be just right for her. If you feel DS is ready to give nursery a go then it could be a good developmental step for him to try it.

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