Misappropriated coat...

[AlreadyScone]

At the start of autumn term I bought DD a new coat. I have to budget hard, but I like to get the DCs the best coat & shoes I can afford and cut corners elsewhere (like living in cardboard box int' middle of t' motorway)

It was one of those waterproofs with a tightly zipped-in fleece. DD loved it and insisted on wearing the whole thing, but about 2 weeks into term came home wearing just the fleece, which is when I realised that I'd only labelled the fleece bit and forgotten to separately label the shell. Wasn't worried though as it is a very bright colour and had seen no-one else in the same one at the school gate. However, despite best efforts to find at school it was gone forever... so chalked up as experience and stumped up for a new coat (explaining to DD we would have to forego a day out as a consequence.)

Anyway this morning it's a school trip and so an early drop-off... yes, you've guessed it, saw a friend of DD's being dropped off in what looked like the missing shell, open with different fleece underneath.

I know it's just one of those things and it could of course be that they just have the same coat but AIBU to be feeling a bit grumpy about it? Possibly being a bit protective of DD who has SEN and things often go right over her head.

[AlreadyScone]

Reading that back I sound like a right jibbering idiot

[SavoyCabbage]

I would steal in back and see what happens. As it is unlikely that the other child has that coat but has not got the lining.

[Tailtwister]

YANBU, I would be angry about it too. I suppose there's not an awful lot you can do about it though and you can't be absolutely sure that the shell is your DD's. It does sound suspicious though.

As for labelling...I've heard that people even go to the extent of taking labels out of jackets. My MIL used to sew an extra one into the lining half way up the sleeve. She said she caught out several people that way.

[Graceparkhill]

Honestly? I would let it go. It may be your daughter's shell or it may not.

In my long an weary experience parents do not always know what clothing their child has ( esp if there are lots of adults involved in pick ups/ buying for the child etc).

If it is your daughter's it may be an innocent mistake. If it has been deliberately stolen then I would feel sorry for them that they have to stoop so low. The poor child would be aware I presume and terrified of getting found out.

You sound like a sensible and caring mum who is able to manage a tight budget so I think you should pat yourself on the back and move on.

[Twattybollocks]

It's a bugger but you have to chalk it up to experience I'm afraid! Buy a laundry marker and label everything in big letters on the fabrics on the inside. Don't name the label, they can be removed (and are!) by other people.

[AlreadyScone]

Phew I was bracing myself for a barrage of "you paranoid eejit"

I don't think someone has set out to steal or anything evil like that, it's surely mistake. It's more that if a brand new brightly coloured coat arrived in the house, I would notice and take it in to lost property. Yes my kids often come home with a mystery school jumper, but I send them back in. I'm also that coats are so easy-come, easy-go in some homes, but that's my problem.

[JeeanieYuss]

Would there not be a barcode in both parts of the coat, ie in fleece and waterproof part? I say this as whenever you take something back to a shop the barcode always gets checked that its the same as one on receipt..

[Theas18]

Label all parts of coats. i thought my mum was mad stitching labels into detachable hoods etc but she's right.

And, I'm afraid, as discussed many times, you may " like" to have the best of coats and shoes, but, unlike shoes, a charity shop or sainsburys coat will do the job fine and you wont be upset if its nicked. If you must have boden or berghaus , get that for strictly home use. School coats are never treated well anyway!

[seeker]

Honestly- I can understand the best shoes- but expensive coats are pain. Neither you nor your child should have to worry about a coat, or have a coat that would cause more than the briefest of pangs if it gets lost, ripped, paint splashed or nicked. Charity shops are your friends here- get a couple of decent quality second hand coats and relax!
My mother adopted a motto from an American woman we met in Italy. I, aged about 4, dropped an ice cream on her. My mother hurried to apologise, but she said "Honey, don't give it another thought. On holiday, I wear clothes that leave me completely free from worry"

[cloudpuff]

I have similar ongoing problem but its a whole P.E kit that has vanished from her school peg, complete with her name in large block capitals on each item in the bag. I can't afford to replace it yet and school wont allow dd to wear non uniform PE kit.

Last year it was the shoes from her feet that went missing despite being clearly labelled, luckily we got them back a few weeks later because I asked the headmaster gave in after I kept sending dd into school in her trainers, so they checked all the childrens feet, shoes turned up on the feet of someone two years below her, and I got the most grovelling apology from head teacher.

Yes chalk it up to experience but it can get expensive replacing stuff.

[CaptChaos]

I ended up sewing name tapes in different places at one of my DS1's schools, as one or 2 of the parents had 'form' for being light fingered with uniform. It never ceases to amaze me how brazen some people are about stealing clothing from another child!

Not for one second assuming that this is what has happened in OP's case, as it could have been a genuine mistake. As pp have said, an expensive coat isn't as important as well fitting shoes, so maybe in future think about getting an inexpensive 'school' coat and a more costly 'home' coat?

[AlreadyScone]

Yes good idea about coat. In winter I like to know she's warm (rural and VERY breezy walk to school).

Thanks for letting me sound off!

[freddiefrog]

This has become a real problem at our school

I started sewing labels in obscure places and have caught people out several times.

DD2 had a school jumper go missing, I'd sewed the name tape inside her sleeve and one morning when DH was getting the girls ready, he didn't see the name tape so wrote on the washing instructions. Jumper went missing and when we got it back the washing instructions had been cut off and a new label added - the original name tape was still inside the sleeve

DD1 had an entire PE kit go missing - she has a personalised kit bag, which she found empty hidden in the girls toilet

DD2's very obviously named scooter was taken from the bike rack, it was never returned , several items have gone never to be seen again. Some of it is the kids' carelessness I know, but things were going missing from their pegs or vanishing at odd times (a PE kit that I'd hung on a peg in the morning had gone by home time and they hadn't done PE that day, etc)

I label everything

I've started writing names on the inside straight onto the fabric with marker pen so the name can't be changed and I took their jumpers to the local embroidery place and had their names stitched into the school logo so it's obvious to all and sundry from the outside

[Theicingontop]

This is actually eye-opening. I had no idea this sort of thing went on in schools before I joined mumsnet. Yanbu! Anyone would have the same suspicions, but like you said, without the name in the jacket what can you do.

Seriously though, buying a fabric pen and some labels before DS goes to nursery. How odd.

[TheWheelies]

I too am amazed at this. What do the parents say when they're caught red-handed?

Freddie I can't think of any possible defence that parent could have had considering they actively removed the label to disguise the fact it was stolen. What on earth did they say?

[DeWe]

I would ask. It's possible the parent has gone "oh I don't remember that coat, wonder when you got it." child says "it's been in my cupboard for ages".
Dh would never have a clue if one of the dc appeared in a different coat.

[mollymole]

It can't have been a mistake can it - if your child had her fleece zipped into her coat shell then some one else had to zip out the fleece so that they could take the coat.
Also a load of rubbish that a parent does not know what clothes their child has - you DO know if your child comes home in a coat they did not have that morning.
In future mark all clothing with a bright coloured non washable marker in a few not obvious places, forget lables they can be cut out.
I once caught another parent putting my son's shoes on their child, they claimed they had not seen the difference, WHAT !! different colour, style and type of shoe - the bright red felt pen name inside the shoe had made no
difference at all to the thieving cow !!

[kinkyfuckery]

I'd be really peed off too if I were you, but I guess short of quizzing the parent and them admitting to stealing your DDs coat, there's not much you can do.

[mum11970]

We've got a hat in our house and no idea who it belongs too. It just appeared on the worktop one day and nobody is claiming ownership. The dd may have brought it home by mistake one day and it's been sat round their house for ages so decided to wear.

[freddiefrog]

TheWheelies - nothing. The parent has form and school dealt with it. I was handed the jumper back and nothing more was ever said

I wouldn't use labels in anyway now as they can be removed. I write on the actual fabric on the inside with marker pen. It seems to have put a stop to it

[BuntyPenfold]

My mother taught me to label inside a pocket as well as back of collar - yes, have caught people out.

Lately DSSs new trousers were on another child (reception age), mother repeatedly denied it at home time (she had dressed him after PE, not the child's mistake) . After some argument, pretending to check labels, she gave in but said 'Do you mind if he wears them as he's got them on now?' Yes, we do mind.

[Dinglebert]

Grrr, how annoying.

I have a big fat black permanent marker pen and write all over my children's clothes (on the inside, obviously )

[5madthings]

I had this happen to an unusual joules coat of ds2,s (bought by mil) it disappeared, some weeks later I saw another child wearing it in the playground. It was a/warm day and they took it off and put it on a bunch, thankfully I had labelled it inside the sleeeve as well as the tag, which had been cut out! Anyway I picked it up and checked the inside of the sleeve as said child and parent came over trying to claim coat.I showed them the label and said no its ours. Parent looked very sheepish!

Its a pita but unless labelled not much you can do about it.

[5madthings]

And I use a sharpie marker and write on label, inside the cuff and inside bottom hem, at least three places!

[izzyishappilybusy]

As an aside I both buy and sell our coats on eBay - dcs have lovely coats for pennies and we usually make our more money back