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To be fuming at DP because I just want to sleep in my own bloody bed?

(90 Posts)
BunFagFreddie Mon 14-Jan-13 01:41:07

I've just stopped smoking and I'm having trouble getting to sleep. I can only nod off if I have the TV or radio on. I can't fall asleep with earphones as the they are uncomfortable.

DP is a light sleeper and he has to turn the TV or radio off. He always does this just as I'm drifting off, so then I wake up and I have to go and sleep downstairs. By then I'm pissed off and I can't get back to sleep. Sometimes I'm not getting to sleep until 5:00am. Once again I'm on the bloody sofa and wide awake. I'm so pissed off. Apparently he can't sleep on the sofa, because he is a light sleeper. I can't get to sleep now because I'm really angry. I've got a lot of work to do tomorrow and I'm the one who has got to get up in the morning. He's even got a day off tomorrow, cheeky fucker.

To be fair, he is a light sleeper. You can't even fart without waking him up. If it's not the TV or radio he moans about me fidgeting, snoring, talking in my sleep and I end up having to sleep on the bloody sofa. Apparently I have to sleep on the sofa because I'm short and I'm a heavy sleeper once I've drifted off. hmm

I'm honestly worried that this could potentially break our relationship. I've slept on this bloody sofa every 'school night' for ages and I'm very, very resentful. I actually miss my bed. He's a nice bloke in most respects, but I feel this is taking the piss.

AIBU to be fuming about this? I just want to be able to drift off in the most comfortable way in my own bed. Arghhh!

Booyhoo Mon 14-Jan-13 02:35:56


excuse to decorate and have a room exactly to your own taste aswell! that would mean loads of cushions for me <cliche>. exp hated them all. i bought loads when he moved out grin

Booyhoo Mon 14-Jan-13 02:37:08

get a little oil filled radiator for the winter. nice new bed and mattress.

i'm decorating your room in my head! blush

HavingALittleFaithBaby Mon 14-Jan-13 02:41:29

I was just going to say oil filled radiator! Interesting that so many people are posting on a thread about not sleeping at 2.39am! smile

The other option is a speaker pillow type thing - no ear phones but apparently you can hear it, he won't?

BunFagFreddie Mon 14-Jan-13 02:41:57

Lol Booyhoo. I already decorated it. and got a load of cushions and made sure it was all relaxing because I do yoga in there. grin The rest of the time it's the chilled out family room which makes it a perfect room to relax and go to sleep in.

However, it might need tarting up again if it's going to be the room I sleep in. wink

I love cushions and all those nice shiny things. blush

BunFagFreddie Mon 14-Jan-13 02:44:45

Speaker pillow, wow! I never realised such a thing existed.
There are a lot of people up at this time.

amazingmumof6 Mon 14-Jan-13 02:48:41

inlove "dh snores and when he's not, i find the silence deafening" sorry that made me giggle, proper love/hate

I know what you mean though - when I was younger dad, mum, sis & I used to live where everyone had dogs (inc. us) that stayed in their kennels at night. despite some of them always barking, lots of noise, I used to sleep well, but if I went to the loo at night I found it hard to fall asleep.

then I was away for 3 months, no dogs, total silence at night, slept really badly. then moved back and slept well again.

so maybe we need a barking dog, or at least a CD of barking - that would probably cancel out DH's snoring and snorting! grin

thanks bunfagfreddie I'm very grumpy nowadays, if not jibbering....I've refused to do any tidying today on basis of being fed up. I've stopped caring about state of house.
talking doesn't always work, so actions or rather the lack of them might drive the message home, I'm too tired to care! (passive-aggressive, I know)

I guess he's feeling unloved as we don't have any special "quality time (my fault)
I have to quietly admit that after 5 boys it was rather special to spend the nights with DD only in the "girls'" bedroom, covered in pink stuff, just lovely!

I guess DH also feels ignored if we don't sleep in the same bedroom - but then I say I feel ignored for other reasons.....

being married with 6 kids is just the best, not a dull moment eversmile

(I do love it, but really really want a bedroom on my own!)

HavingALittleFaithBaby Mon 14-Jan-13 02:49:14

I actually think they do speakers that slide into the pillow case too, save you buying the whole pillow..ah yes, here we are

I'm turning round after 3 night shifts! I should think about going to bed!

Booyhoo Mon 14-Jan-13 02:50:01

i am usually up at this time. i have fucked up my body clock so badly over the last few years i just cant seem to fix it. trying to decide whether to sleep now and get 4 hours in but struggle to get up on time (and risk sleeping in) or to just stay up and then feel shit all day tomorrow and risk falling asleep before the dcs!

Dededum Mon 14-Jan-13 02:52:54

Have your own bedroom- perfect. Oh for a spare room,very jealous.

DH snoring, have earplugs but TBH thy don't get rid of all noise. So downstairs doing a bit of mumsnet ting. Will go back up in a bit ans see if he has calmed down.

amazingmumof6 Mon 14-Jan-13 02:54:21

booyhoo - have we been separated at birth? I'm just the samegrin

DD has filled nappy, have to change her - which will wake her up and & I'll have to nurse her back to sleep - so I'm going to bed, but already planning my naptime

BunFagFreddie Mon 14-Jan-13 02:55:07

I do feel sorry for DP sometimes, because I know I talk in my sleep and I always have done. On the other hand, it's stuff that I can't help and I can't help it if I need noise so I can get to sleep.

I am not surprised you're grumpy amazingmumof6. Having a large family must be great, even if there are stressful times. I hope you get your own room soon.

Booyhoo Mon 14-Jan-13 02:58:02

amazing i would love to have a little girl to nurse over to sleep. at least then i would actually have a reason to be awake! grin i do feel your pain though. i've done the nightime nursing but we had the bed all to ourselves then so no dh to get grumpy with me so i guess i had it easier than you.

complexnumber Mon 14-Jan-13 04:06:35

I am trying hard to look for an opportunity to say 'Well, you made your bed, you'd better lie in it'. Not helpful I will admit.

One thing I'd like to point out is that it can be extremely uncomfortable to sleep on a sofa if you are too tall for it, shorter people may not fully appreciate this. (I know the OP hasn't suggested that her DP should sleep there, she has just said that it pisses her off, but some pp have suggested he ought to at times.)

amazing it really is a love/hate situation. i could blooming smother him when he's snoring, fidgeting, talking, and breathing all over me... but on nights that i shove him in the spare room or he's away i cant bloody well sleep at all! hate the silence.

hence me posting at 4:30am shock he's been in the spare room for 4 weeks now as im recovering from surgery and i havent slept properly once... except when i was rattling with drugs! am not on so many now

i can even hear him snore from the other room... which still makes me angry lol he cant win bless him

brighthair Mon 14-Jan-13 04:35:38

I was just about to suggest the speaker pillow but beaten to it grin

LoopsInHoops Mon 14-Jan-13 04:40:56

this any good BunFag?

I had noticed you were up in the middle of the night a lot - was meaning to ask you if you were abroad.

How big is the cold spare room? Big enough to get a bed for DH? Men usually don't feel the cold as much I think?

TempusFuckit Mon 14-Jan-13 05:43:39

You say you have the TV on because you can't stand silence - would white noise work instead? It might even help your DP sleep too if he gets disturbed by other noises?

AndABigBirdInaPearTree Mon 14-Jan-13 05:54:54

I was going to suggest white noise. My DS sleeps a lot better with a fan running for instance, they like a radio but that drives me crazy.

Arthurfowlersallotment Mon 14-Jan-13 05:55:01

Hello everyone, snoring DP here. He could wake the dead.

I would love, love LOVE my own room and plan on getting a single bed for DD's room so I can go in there. I get excited when I know he has a business trip. I take DD into bed and we both sleep soundly all night. Heaven.

Pseudo341 Mon 14-Jan-13 08:07:05

You can get some really good airbeds these days, I have a friend who's been sleeping on one for over a year and is very comfy, cheaper than a sofabed if you think it's only a short term solution while you're getting used to not smoking.

I'm the light sleeper in my marriage, I've learnt to cope with DH's reading light on, just stick a big pillow up in the middle of the bed. I have endured the tv very quietly in the past too. Sleeping in an eye mask is not comfortable, never tried earplugs. I've learnt to put up with DH's reading because I don't want to sleep separately but it's taken several years to get used to it.

You need to have a chat about it, try to stay calm, you'll both be suffering, remember sleep deprivation is used as torture in some countries. You both need you sleep and need to find a compromise that works for both of you.

BunFagFreddie Mon 14-Jan-13 08:19:09

Have just had a blazing row with DP about everything. Apparently sleeping with the TV or radio on isn't normal. sadHe's at home today, so I won't even be able to sneak in a quick nap.

TotallyBS Mon 14-Jan-13 08:23:58

You can buy pillows that have a built in speaker that can be plugged into your gadget. I've never used one so I've no idea whether it is so loud as to disturb your DP.

EmpressOfThePuddle Mon 14-Jan-13 08:28:45

DW has to have the radio on to go to sleep but sets it to swiitch itself off so I'm not stuck with it all night.

Would that be worth talking about?

HibernoCaledonian Mon 14-Jan-13 08:30:10

My speaker pillow works really well, I got this brand. I find it hard to sleep without listening to either my mp3 player or the radio but DH needs quiet. I keep the volume low and I can hear it perfectly when I'm lying on it but if I get up to do something you can't hear a sound. DH doesn't seem to be able to hear anything either.

Hope this helps.

worsestershiresauce Mon 14-Jan-13 08:37:45

BunFag - sleeping with the TV or radio on isn't really acceptable when you have a partner. It may suit you, but most people need a quiet dark room to sleep in. I kind of think this is your issue, and your DP has a point - you should move as you are the one causing the issue. Headphones would be a better compromise. I know you don't like them, but they aren't as bad as being kept awake by someone else's radio habit.

My DH snores, which is a bit different as he really can't help it. I wear ear plugs most nights, and if it is really loud move to the sofa. He also likes to listen to the radio at night, but turns it off as soon as I come to bed. I wouldn't move for the radio.

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