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To be upset that DP has just called me XW name?

(63 Posts)
PenelopePisstop Sun 13-Jan-13 18:06:51

I asked a question about whether he had heard from friend who was supposed to be coming to ours tonight. In his answer he called me XW name. I was absolutely aghast and repeated the name. My DS was in room and sort of laughed in shock.

DP was enraged at me! He ranted at me as thought I'd said something wrong. I was incredulous, I said (calmly) why are you shouting at me, I haven't said anything, shouldn't you be apologising? He ranted on about being on the phone to Sky all afternoon as though that was an excuse. He then brought up my XP and said (yelled) that I talked about him enough (this really is untrue, I have no interest whatsoever in XP and never refer to him, I never see him, never hear from him and am grateful). He then said he was going to apologise but I went off on one before he got the words out. The only two things I said were as stated above.

He said that if I had a problem with him calling me that then that was my shit and nothing to do with him. He left the room, I looked at DS, both of looking completely bewildered, DS said "massive over-reaction, I just thought it would've been laughed off."

phoenixrose314 Mon 14-Jan-13 09:21:36


My DH called me by XW name once, but he was half-asleep. I jokingly slapped his shoulder and said "Call me that name again and I'll hit you a lot harder than that!" He just apologised and gave me a very sincere hug.

It's always jarring to be called by an XP's name, but it does happen (especially if your names are similar/start with the same letter like mine and DH's XW), so forget it - it's his reaction that is upsetting and confusing here.

MarilynValentine Mon 14-Jan-13 09:08:37

Ok Permanently!

You did seem to be saying 'everyone makes these mistakes, I did this, you overreacted', though.

Turns out it was just a brilliant bit of humour! grin

thatisall Mon 14-Jan-13 02:53:48

He's probably worried about what you might read into the slip of the tongue but yes definitely an over reaction.

Can I say it???
Leave the bastard.


JusticeCrab Mon 14-Jan-13 02:47:03

Ugh. It doesn't sound like you were actually upset at the use of the name - and for me, that isn't a reasonable thing to be upset about (it's just a slip of the tongue, and nothing more than that). What is upsetting is your DP's childish response, for which he should be ostracised for a given length of time.

If I shout at my DW it results in testicular pain of the acute type.

Permanentlyexhausted Sun 13-Jan-13 23:24:58

Hahahaha, Marilyn

Thanks! I would never have worked that out for myself. It's lucky you're here to point out what was very obviously a tongue-in-cheek response simply highlighting what I consider to be an over reaction by the OP.

Thanks so much for setting me straight.

Although I would have thought the part about the dog not looking aghast might have been the giveaway for most people


MrsBungleBear Sun 13-Jan-13 23:18:02

I.also go.through the names of Dh and kids before I get to.the right name. That's not the same, though, as calling your partner by your ex's name which is prob why he got embarrassed and over reacted.

MrsBungleBear Sun 13-Jan-13 23:16:06

My Dh called me his ex girlfriends name once.

It.was about 8 years ago.and we'd been together about 4 months. He was with ex 8 years and had split with her bout 6 months before.

In my.context he was on the phone to his mum telling her about a restaurant we had been to. He said "I had lasagne, ex girlfriend name had pasta"

I gasped and he stuttered over the rest of the conversation.

He was really angry at himself. He felt embarrassed and felt like he had offended me.

It was just habit I think. He had had 8 years of saying me and ex name that he just out of habit said her name. He was mortified.

I think.your dp over reacted but was probably embarrassed. I don't think it means for a minute he was thinking of her or such like.

Smellslikecatspee Sun 13-Jan-13 23:12:09


I'm one of 8 kids, I'm so used to being called by other peoples names. One aunt just recites the names till you react

I have also been known to call OH by the cats name and hes done the same grin.
This for us usually means we both start giggling not shouting. . . .

MarilynValentine Sun 13-Jan-13 23:05:55

Pigsmummy grin

Permanently - calling your dog by your DD's name is different to calling your partner your ex's name.

If my DH called me by his ex's name I would certainly say, "whaaaaat?!" And expect an apology. I think anyone half decent would know enough to say, "Shit! Sorry!!" It doesn't have to be a big deal but I think it's ok to expect a sorry. And not a massive irrational reaction about nothing relevant.

Pigsmummy Sun 13-Jan-13 23:00:08

Call him "big dick". When he asks why just calmly say "well I thought that we were using names of our ex's"

Permanentlyexhausted Sun 13-Jan-13 22:56:22

I have called my dog by my DD's name at least twice today. Neither the dog not the daughter looked aghast at me nor demanded an apology.

It sounds like you over-reacted slightly so he over-reacted out of embarrassment.

Schooldidi Sun 13-Jan-13 22:47:58

I called my sister my dd's name the other day, and gave her quite a bossy command at the same time (because I am stupid enough to have actually thought I was talking to dd rather than a grown adult blush. She called me an idiot and I apologised, profusely, many times because I couldn't believe how stupid I could be. Nobody shouted, nobody went off in a strop, we all had a massive giggle.

I wouldn't like being shouted at just for pointing out that dp had called me the wrong name.

MarilynValentine Sun 13-Jan-13 22:36:18

Sorry, DP not DH.

MarilynValentine Sun 13-Jan-13 22:35:38

Yes, that's how it seemed.

You and your DH need to talk about why he reacted like that. And he needs to say sorry!

PenelopePisstop Sun 13-Jan-13 21:46:15

I've just asked him. I said "who did you think over reacted earlier me or DP". He said "I didn't think you reacted at all, it was really strange how he was over such a tiny thing", then he shrugged.

MarilynValentine Sun 13-Jan-13 21:35:14

Yes, ask your DS who he thought was over-reacting, perhaps? He'll have been the most objective person there I guess.

MarilynValentine Sun 13-Jan-13 21:33:30

I don't know Penelope. Your OH could have just gone, "shit, sorry!! Aargh where did that come from?!" And grin desperately. Instead he blew up. Doesn't sound to me like its your fault, really...if you really did just repeat the name and look/sound shocked.

SoftKittyWarmKitty Sun 13-Jan-13 21:30:27

Ask your DS what he meant - bet he said 'massive overreaction' to your H's outburst. Calling you Jane was a mistake but he needs to apologise for yelling at you. That is completely unacceptable IMO. Don't think this is your fault, of course it isn't. If someone called me a name that wasn't mine I'd be responding along the lines of 'Jane?!' too, especially if it was my H's exW's name.

PenelopePisstop Sun 13-Jan-13 21:20:49

marilyn DS is 19 and is a good lad.

major the responses on here have made me think that my reaction was OTT, I'm not happy, but with hindsight I think I made a meal of it, although it was just one word, the way I said it left no room for misinterpretation. DS's response could well have referred to me just as much as DP.

MarilynValentine Sun 13-Jan-13 21:19:23

Exactly mayor. The OP responded with surprise and basically went, "wha?!"

Then her OH over-reacted aggressively.

mayorquimby Sun 13-Jan-13 21:12:54

"Your DS has the measure of it,"
as her ds said
""massive over-reaction, I just thought it would've been laughed off.""

but instead this happened
"I was absolutely aghast and repeated the name."

MarilynValentine Sun 13-Jan-13 21:10:19

Er, he sounds like a prick. Not for saying the wrong name but for reacting like that, and for never apologising within your relationship.

The sky thing - yes he did a good thing, but it wasn't an act of altruism was it? I assume he'll be watching the tv too!

YANBU. He sounds really difficult. Don't know how old your son is but he sounds a great deal nicer and more mature!

PenelopePisstop Sun 13-Jan-13 21:03:15

Ha ha batperson no def not me.

No he doesn't blame me for his mistakes, but that's because he doesn't make any, it's everyone else not quite understanding what he meant!

quietbatperson Sun 13-Jan-13 20:51:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iago Sun 13-Jan-13 20:01:15

I'm at an age when I call my daughter by my sister's name and my son by my brother's (rarer since I see them less)
HBBush My mother used to call the four of us by the initial sound of our names in varying order but the last one she called was the one she wanted. She always made it our fault though adding 'You know who I mean!' Bless her, I miss her so much, especially when people moan about their mothers.
Back to topic. I have been with my OH for longer than my ex, but still have to rip up the occasional card when I write 'Love from iago and ex'. OH signs most of our cards, ex didn't. What I am saying is getting the name wrong in normal routine circumstances doesn't mean he is thinking of/yearning for her.
In the throes of passion, however, would be a bit different!

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