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To be upset that DP has just called me XW name?

(63 Posts)
PenelopePisstop Sun 13-Jan-13 18:06:51

I asked a question about whether he had heard from friend who was supposed to be coming to ours tonight. In his answer he called me XW name. I was absolutely aghast and repeated the name. My DS was in room and sort of laughed in shock.

DP was enraged at me! He ranted at me as thought I'd said something wrong. I was incredulous, I said (calmly) why are you shouting at me, I haven't said anything, shouldn't you be apologising? He ranted on about being on the phone to Sky all afternoon as though that was an excuse. He then brought up my XP and said (yelled) that I talked about him enough (this really is untrue, I have no interest whatsoever in XP and never refer to him, I never see him, never hear from him and am grateful). He then said he was going to apologise but I went off on one before he got the words out. The only two things I said were as stated above.

He said that if I had a problem with him calling me that then that was my shit and nothing to do with him. He left the room, I looked at DS, both of looking completely bewildered, DS said "massive over-reaction, I just thought it would've been laughed off."

MarilynValentine Sun 13-Jan-13 22:36:18

Sorry, DP not DH.

Schooldidi Sun 13-Jan-13 22:47:58

I called my sister my dd's name the other day, and gave her quite a bossy command at the same time (because I am stupid enough to have actually thought I was talking to dd rather than a grown adult blush. She called me an idiot and I apologised, profusely, many times because I couldn't believe how stupid I could be. Nobody shouted, nobody went off in a strop, we all had a massive giggle.

I wouldn't like being shouted at just for pointing out that dp had called me the wrong name.

Permanentlyexhausted Sun 13-Jan-13 22:56:22

I have called my dog by my DD's name at least twice today. Neither the dog not the daughter looked aghast at me nor demanded an apology.

It sounds like you over-reacted slightly so he over-reacted out of embarrassment.

Pigsmummy Sun 13-Jan-13 23:00:08

Call him "big dick". When he asks why just calmly say "well I thought that we were using names of our ex's"

MarilynValentine Sun 13-Jan-13 23:05:55

Pigsmummy grin

Permanently - calling your dog by your DD's name is different to calling your partner your ex's name.

If my DH called me by his ex's name I would certainly say, "whaaaaat?!" And expect an apology. I think anyone half decent would know enough to say, "Shit! Sorry!!" It doesn't have to be a big deal but I think it's ok to expect a sorry. And not a massive irrational reaction about nothing relevant.

Smellslikecatspee Sun 13-Jan-13 23:12:09


I'm one of 8 kids, I'm so used to being called by other peoples names. One aunt just recites the names till you react

I have also been known to call OH by the cats name and hes done the same grin.
This for us usually means we both start giggling not shouting. . . .

MrsBungleBear Sun 13-Jan-13 23:16:06

My Dh called me his ex girlfriends name once.

It.was about 8 years ago.and we'd been together about 4 months. He was with ex 8 years and had split with her bout 6 months before.

In my.context he was on the phone to his mum telling her about a restaurant we had been to. He said "I had lasagne, ex girlfriend name had pasta"

I gasped and he stuttered over the rest of the conversation.

He was really angry at himself. He felt embarrassed and felt like he had offended me.

It was just habit I think. He had had 8 years of saying me and ex name that he just out of habit said her name. He was mortified.

I think.your dp over reacted but was probably embarrassed. I don't think it means for a minute he was thinking of her or such like.

MrsBungleBear Sun 13-Jan-13 23:18:02

I.also go.through the names of Dh and kids before I get to.the right name. That's not the same, though, as calling your partner by your ex's name which is prob why he got embarrassed and over reacted.

Permanentlyexhausted Sun 13-Jan-13 23:24:58

Hahahaha, Marilyn

Thanks! I would never have worked that out for myself. It's lucky you're here to point out what was very obviously a tongue-in-cheek response simply highlighting what I consider to be an over reaction by the OP.

Thanks so much for setting me straight.

Although I would have thought the part about the dog not looking aghast might have been the giveaway for most people


JusticeCrab Mon 14-Jan-13 02:47:03

Ugh. It doesn't sound like you were actually upset at the use of the name - and for me, that isn't a reasonable thing to be upset about (it's just a slip of the tongue, and nothing more than that). What is upsetting is your DP's childish response, for which he should be ostracised for a given length of time.

If I shout at my DW it results in testicular pain of the acute type.

thatisall Mon 14-Jan-13 02:53:48

He's probably worried about what you might read into the slip of the tongue but yes definitely an over reaction.

Can I say it???
Leave the bastard.


MarilynValentine Mon 14-Jan-13 09:08:37

Ok Permanently!

You did seem to be saying 'everyone makes these mistakes, I did this, you overreacted', though.

Turns out it was just a brilliant bit of humour! grin

phoenixrose314 Mon 14-Jan-13 09:21:36


My DH called me by XW name once, but he was half-asleep. I jokingly slapped his shoulder and said "Call me that name again and I'll hit you a lot harder than that!" He just apologised and gave me a very sincere hug.

It's always jarring to be called by an XP's name, but it does happen (especially if your names are similar/start with the same letter like mine and DH's XW), so forget it - it's his reaction that is upsetting and confusing here.

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